Out of the mouths of my babes

Remember the horse incident with Darcy? If not, you can read it here. Remember the man who did not help in any way? Well, yesterday his daughter got tossed off a horse while riding with the same instructor. She was hurt worse than Darcy. An ambulance was called and she spent the night at our local children's hospital. Darcy was all over the situation.


Darcy: "I just called M's dad to ask how she was doing."

Me: "What did he say?"

Darcy: "He said she was going to be fine. She has 4 broken ribs and a saturated spleen."

From the archives

Saturday, September 7, 2002
In The Morning
My three year old woke me this morning--the one day that I sleep late. She came into my room and informed me of the following:

1. The goldfish had died and Daddy had flushed him down the toilet.
2. Her knee was hurting so Maddy got her a band-aid.
3. The light is shining outside so it is morning and time for me to get up.

She then climbed into my bed with her doll and her pacifier for "some lovin". We hugged, kissed and cuddled. She asked me if I wanted to hear a song. I did, so she began. She sang a song she wrote herself. She wrote it right then while singing.

 It was sort of what I call a "story song" along the lines of Kenny Rodgers, The Gambler or Conway Twitty's, 38 Special. Her song was about bad witches, Ariel the Mermaid, stepsisters and stepmothers, birthday cakes and more.

The song went on and on and finally developed into a full-blown stage show complete with costumes and talking inanimate objects. This I had to sit up to watch as it was played out at the foot of my bed. It didn't take long before I was on my feet and getting dressed.

If only every morning could be this magical!

Out of the mouths of someone else's babe

I'm teaching swimming lessons at my old place of employment for a free program called, Every Child a Swimmer. There are two instructors and five volunteer helpers for 16 kids in my first class.

Today was our second day. The children were all sitting lined up on the side of the pool. I went down the row and named each kid (with the help of the first letter in their names). When I was finished I asked:

Me: "Alright, who can remember my name?"

A sea of blank faces stared back at me.

Me: "It begins with the letter C."

Dylan: (raising his hand) "Oh, oh, I know. I know!"

Me: "Dylan! Great, Dylan, remembers my name. What is my name?"

Dylan: "Tinker Bell!"

I was Miss Tinker Bell the rest of the class.

Memories and Photos

A few years ago I bought a bunch of photo boxes and organized all my pictures. Every picture is put into a category that is typed on the front of the boxes, and inside I have written things regarding the categories on note cards. I think I did this because I pictured my own children one day looking through these boxes and wondering who these people were. Now they will have at least some idea.

For example one of the categories is titled, "Cara's Friends" and inside are pictures of my closest friends at the time. The first is Kelly and a description of my relationship with her. It reads, "Pictures of Kelly through the years. I met Kelly in the 2nd grade when I moved to Evansville, IN. Kelly was the first person to show me around the school. Kelly and I lost touch for a few years in college but hooked back up in the late 1980s. Kelly moved to Florida to live after Darcy was born."

Most of the photos since then are digital, but I have had several that are still on photo paper and so these pictures have gone into a drawer marked "Pictures" in my office. Recently I realized that that drawer is so full I can't even close it anymore so I decided to start filing those photos.
But that led to looking back through photos and so I felt the need to share. Especially with those people, I know who read my blog. I think I'll do a different person each week. Won't that be fun?
And since I used her as an example, I might as well start with her. She will be so honored.

Pictures of Kelly from my photo box:

This is Kelly and my brother, Rusty. I'm not sure, but I think Rusty is trying to be cool (as in hip) and Kelly is trying to look sexy. I think they both pull it off, don't you?

This picture was taken one day when Kelly and I were fooling around with a movie camera of my Dad's. We really didn't know how it worked, but we were bored and being the creative girls that we were we wrote an indie short.

Kelly took the hair out of her hairbrush and molded it into a mustache and then she wore my father's coat and hat and pretended to be my father. I don't really remember any of the film and unfortunately, we never did get to see it finished.

(I don't think there was any film in the camera, thank goodness because most of the pictures would have been of me giving my brother the finger and of him cursing me out. We thought we could get each other in trouble by filming the cruel things we said and did to each other.)

This picture was taken at my father's family farm. Kelly, my friend Sharon, and I had gone there to spend the weekend. Sharon was visiting Indiana from Florida and I guess we thought the farm would give her a taste of Indiana. As usual, Kelly got creative and we filmed her in many different outfits that she found through the house.

This is her by the well. I also have pictures of her in this outfit standing in a canoe in the middle of the pond recreating George Washington's famous pose. In this one, she is holding a fishing pole as if she were off to catch us all dinner.

This picture she might kill me for, but I think it hilarious! This was a satin sheet she found in the farm bedroom and put it on and talked in various accents. I especially love the contrast with the blue wall and the orange/yellow/green bedspread.

My girls will someday sift through these photos. Kelly won't need a description for her category since my girls know (and LOVE her), and when they see these pictures they won't need to know the story behind them because they will just chalk it up to Kelly being Kelly. But this is why we take photos....to bring back great memories.

From the email box.....

An email I received today and my responses:

Adults used to bore us to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were for them growing up such as walking miles to school in the snow....uphill, no less. I remember thinking I would never do that when I got older and had kids, but now that I'm over the age of thirty I can't help myself......

• When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves....in books! Yes, but today's books are not up to date for school information....not like the net.

• When I was a kid we didn't have email. We had to write letters to someone and then walk across the street to put it into a mailbox, and then it would take a week to get there. Stamps were 10 cents. I pictured this person around my age or younger, but the walking across the street to the mailbox? Hello? Mailbox right outside your house!

• When I was a kid Child Protection Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, our parents' friends and neighbors also had permission to kick our butt. Nowhere was safe. So true there! We always watched out for ALL the neighborhood parents when we were doing something we shouldn't have been doing.

• When I was a kid there were no MP3 players or Napsters. If we wanted to steal music we had to tape it off the radio. Loved that one! I still have my tapes of music from WQYK, tapes of the University of Evansville basketball games, and even tapes of TV shows.

• When I was a kid we didn't have Caller ID or Call Waiting on our telephones. If the phone rang, it was a mystery. If you called someone and he was on the phone, guess what, you got a busy signal. We called back later. Yep, and prank-calling people was fun and we couldn't get caught!

• When I was a kid there was a little book called TV Guide and we had to get up to change the television channel. Some of us didn't even have cable but had rabbit ears instead. My kids still get up to change the channel because they LOSE the remote about every day.

• When I was a kid there was no Cartoon Network. The only time we got cartoons were on Saturday mornings. My god, how did our parents raise us?

Honestly, I can't take it

A conversation I had today in the public bathroom at the beach park:

I enter the bathroom to find a woman standing waiting for an open toilet. I look at her and then look at the three stalls, two closed, one open. The woman notices me staring at the open stall.

Women: "It is full of paper."

Me: "Term papers? Financial papers? Papers that will lead us to buried treasure?"

Women: "Toilet paper. It is full of toilet paper."

Me: "Full as in millions of rolls of toilet paper just hogging the stall?"

Women: "No, as in the toilet is full of paper."

Me: "And this is a problem because.....?"

Women: "Because the toilet is full of paper and therefore not clean, and women's bathroom etiquette says that I shall not go into that room. That I shall let the janitor take care of this."

Me: "Have you tried flushing it?"

Women: (mouth open aghast at my crassness) "Well, of course not!"

Me: "Well that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life! Do you think the toilet paper is going to reach up and bite you on the butt if you sit down in a toilet with some paper? Do you think if you flush it the paper will haunt you? Are you seriously this dumb?"

Okay, this conversation only occurred in my head.

It really went down like this: I entered the bathroom and stared at the open stall and then at the woman waiting in line. After she muttered those words, "It is full of paper" I looked at her, entered the room, saw two sheets of paper that didn't quite go down, put my foot on the flusher, flushed the toilet, and closed the door in her face.

Then I proceeded to sit to pee and discovered I was in a PAPERLESS toilet stall...

Happy Easter

Every holiday that wasn't Christmas my father would leave great candy, treats, and a card at our place at the table so that when we awoke on that holiday morning those yummies would be waiting for us. The cards were usually funny cards that made him laugh along with us as we read them. I have carried on this tradition of placemat yummies, but this is the first year that I thought my daughters would appreciate funny cards.

This is the one I gave my eldest:

Happy Easter Everyone!

ER nurses deserved more....

Starting off I want to say that I have yet to watch the final episode of ER as I'm saving it for a time that is right, but I have watched the hour show that was shown prior to the finale. That gave me my blog entry. Granted that was probably put together quite quickly, and without Michael Crichton, the writers might have been sad and boohooing, but I have to complain here for a minute.

I was not one of the original ER television viewers. I came along later. Since ER and Chicago Hope debuted the same time and both were set in Chicago I think I just ignored both of them figuring they would cancel each other out and be long gone before the end of the TV season. My mother watched both of them, told me they were good shows, and somewhere along the line, I began watching Chicago Hope. I loved it. I decided I would be dedicated to it. But then Mandy Patinkin got too big for his britches and the whining started, and I jumped into watching ER. I got hooked.

The show has always been a consistent, well-written television drama that kept me coming back each week. There were times I went to bed depressed at the storyline, but because the writers threw in humor the depressing scenes were manageable. The writers also made sure not to kill too many people in successive weeks. Even the so-called "baddies" in ER had tender sides to them that were shown in rare moments that made them likable. Once actors got bored with their roles and left the show, the producers still managed to find great actors to fill those empty spots. While I would lament the demise of one of my favorite characters (Dr. Green), I would learn to love his replacement. Just a great show all around.

Which brings me to my annoyance. So many regulars have come and gone on this show, and many of them returned this season as a tribute. All fine and dandy. I enjoyed seeing old favorites and several of the episodes brought tears to my eyes. But that hour show retrospect should have included those actors that have been on the show since the beginning. Yes, there were actually actors that started on the show and never left! Unfortunately, these actors were the nurses of the ER and were never given more of a role than that of cleaning up vomit and blood, calling for a surgeon, escorting people out of the trauma rooms, patting doctors on the backs, and just performing general emergency room procedures. We never saw them with their own storyline. We never saw their lives outside the ER. We never even knew if they had lives outside the ER. I never understood why those actors weren't given more of a storyline. Why the producers felt the need to keep them in the background.

There are three actors that come to mind:

1. Laura Ceron, who played Chuny Marquez, apparently didn't come on to ER until 1995, but she logged the third highest amount of episodes behind Noah Wyle and Laura Innes with 219 episodes. Chuny was the nurse who was always called to translate whenever a Spanish speaking patient came into the ER.
2. Deezer D who logged 188 episodes from 1994 to 2009 and comes in 5th place of most episodes acted. Deezer played nurse Malik McGrath who had a great sense of humor and brought the brawn when it was needed.
3. Yvette Freeman who played nurse Haleh Adams. Remember her? She was heavy, then she lost tons of weight (which was briefly mentioned in one show), and now she is heavy again. Yvette acted in 185 episodes from beginning to end.

I guarantee that these three actors had tons of memories and loads to say during that one hour reliving of ER. The fact that they were not included is an injustice that is flat out wrong. Instead, we had to listen to Steven Spielberg and actors that haven't been on the show since the mid-nineties. I just felt it was wrong. The three actors above did more than anyone and received less than anyone on that show.
They deserved mention. I'll miss them.

If wary of poop talk, please do not proceed....

Yesterday I had finished my workout at the gym, collected my phone and wallet from the locker, and headed into the bathroom stall to relieve myself of all the water I had consumed during my exercising. At the time I entered the stall I was also reading a text message from my sister-in-law, and knowing what I wanted to text back to her, I started to text her as I stood in the stall. Then I thought that perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all as I had already dropped my cell phone in the toilet once and this was one of those situations where that could become a likely scenario again as I also had keys, a wallet, and my water bottle in my hands.

As I unloaded all of my stuff, my cell phone clutched tightly in my hands, and proceeded to sit down on the toilet, the lady in the stall next to me dropped something on the floor. Whatever it was broke upon impact and it sounded quite like what my cell phone sounds like when dropped, and for one moment I thought I had done just that. Looking down I realized it wasn't a phone, and I made a comment like, "Oh, my. For a minute I thought that was mine."

I was relaying this story a few minutes later to my exercise buddy, SueG, and explaining that I had no idea what the object was on the floor. SueG replied that it was bad bathroom etiquette to talk while in the stall of a public bathroom. Apparently, and I was not aware of this, there is bathroom etiquette.

 I asked how she knew this and she replied, "The Internet." She could not tell me any more dos and don'ts, however, so I decided to google it when I got home.

Below is some of the bathroom etiquette for women that I was unaware of and my responses to it:

• Talking/socializing in the bathroom should not be done in the stalls unless both women are close friends. So if I run into someone that I know, say a client or a parent from my daughters' school, at a restaurant as we are walking into the bathroom I am not to talk to her? Do I ignore her completely or do I just smile, nod and hope that she knows bathroom etiquette? How close is close?


• Talking by the mirrors is permitted; however, this should be done in a low voice so that other occupants are able to complete their business without listening to endless strange chattering. I don't know about you, but I LOVE to hear endless strangers chattering while I'm in the stall. Some of my best blackmail schemes have come from there...


• Talking to strangers is forbidden unless they initiate it. So I should not mention that the lady about to exit the bathroom has a toilet paper tail stuck to the end of her shoe? Or that she didn't quite pull down the right side of her skirt? Or that she really should wash her hands before going back to work?


• It is unacceptable to use the public bathroom to perform a #2 function unless the bathroom is completely empty. Are you kidding me? First of all, this person obviously has a problem discussing bodily functions if she has to use kindergarten words to describe a bowel movement. Secondly, she is concerned about the odor for others? In a bathroom? I'm telling you right now, sister, a bathroom is the best place for those odors. If people have to poop while at a function, or a movie, or a restaurant and they aren't able to do so there will be odors wafting all around the room. If I have to go, I'm going to go, whether there are 30 women in a stall or not. If we must follow this kind of nonsense women are going to be performing #2s on the floor of storerooms in Kohl's Department Stores. (Tee hee...inside joke...don't ask)


• If performing a #2 in an empty bathroom, always flush while in progress and double flush at the end. Women do not poop, fart or produce un-womanly smells or sounds. If I'm doing this in an empty bathroom, who cares whether I make sounds or not? And women do fart and poop and their shit stinks!


• If there is a "present" in the toilet left by a previous occupant then that stall is considered "out of order" and should be left alone until a janitor solves the problem. This one always cracks me up when women enter and exit upon seeing what is in the toilet. As if they have never seen anything like it in their lives. Women's bathrooms are crowded enough without "out of order" stalls because somebody is afraid of flushing the toilet. Lift up your leg and flush the toilet with your foot if you are afraid of coming too close! But for god's sake don't wait for a janitor to solve the problem. Most janitors don't come until the end of the day!!


• Cellular telephone use is not permitted in the bathroom, but text messaging is okay. That is a huge relief to me as this all started out with me wanting to text, but I did answer my phone during the same trip as it was my daughters' school calling to report my youngest was sick. Guess I could have waited until they left a message, but guess what? I already had two missed calls from the same number and no messages were left! Which made me think this was important. And I enjoy spying on other phone conversations in the bathroom as it gives me something to do when I'm pooping and stinking up the place.


• Stalls must be checked for adequate supplies before performing any functions. Totally agree with that one, but not sure that it is an etiquette. More like a necessity especially in the above lady's world because asking the lady next door for a wad is verboten.

The above and more like it was found at http://www.icbe.org/ if you are interested in learning more.

No wonder I'm not losing weight

Yesterday I read an article about how to drop two pounds in a week to shed weight. It started out all rah, rah, rah with this author telling me I wouldn't have to give up fun foods or calorie count or measure my portions or spend my life at the gym. The key, she said, was to get my heart pounding.

First I was to follow the free, easy eating plan, and this was in green so that I should know that clicking on it would take me immediately to the free, easy eating plan. I did so and it opened a new window that said, "Service Temporarily Unavailable". Interesting. Does this mean I'm not to eat until the service is available? Tricky way to lose weight.

Next, I was to burn 500 calories a day for a total of 3,500 a week. To do this I should:

1. Walk 40 minutes at a level 8 on a hilly course.


2. Jog for 1 minute at a level 5, sprint 1 minute at a level 9 for 18 times.


3. Dance to a good beat for 72 minutes at a level 7.


4. Swim freestyle for 50 minutes at a level 8.


5. Do 2 minutes at a level 8, then 1 minute at a level 5 on the elliptical machine. Repeat that 20 times.

My first thought was what the hell do those levels mean? Other than the elliptical, which I do at a level 7 by punching in that number on the machine, I didn't know what the levels meant.

That may because I did skip over some of the article. When I went back through it I discovered that level 1 is watching TV and level 10 is installing a 100-pound plasma TV on the wall. Oh, that clears everything up. So is level 2 watching the TV while folding laundry? And level 10? Is that like measuring, nailing, eyeballing, lifting the 100 pound plasma screen (on the wall, not just sitting on an entertainment center), hanging it and eyeballing it? Because other than lifting the screen for what, maybe 50 seconds, I don't see the exertion in that. But then again I've never installed a 100 pound plasma screen before because I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

The article also listed activities to burn 250 calories and 100 calories and not one of those activities was lower then a level 4. So since I couldn't really afford a plasma screen to install it to get the idea of a level 10 I sat down and watched TV for 5 hours; 60 minutes at level 1, 10 minutes folding laundry (level 2?), 60 minutes at level 1, 20 minutes dusting the room (level 3?), 60 minutes at level 1, 30 minutes sweeping and mopping the floor, then 120 minutes at level 1. I don't know how many calories I burned, but it was enough that it made me hungry, and I went to the kitchen to replenish a few of those calories.

Why I shouldn't be left alone

Things that I thought about between 8:00 Am - 11:00 AM in order.

• Crap, why do I have to teach tonight in cold weather? What was I thinking when I volunteered for this nonsense?

• See Darcy isn't sucking her thumb right now. She is sleeping so peacefully and she smells so sleepy sweet. Oh, there goes the thumb. Why can't she stop that sucking? What have I done wrong? Is it wrong not to push her to stop?

• Why can't Madison get up in the morning? I really should spend more time with her. She is growing up and becoming a teenager with all her body parts growing and acne developing. Should I be doing more for her? Why can't we just go back to when she first arrived? I could start over and do a better job this time around.

• These kids really should eat breakfast before they go to school. Today is cream of wheat day. But Darcy doesn't like it and Madison isn't getting up in time. I should make eggs. But they don't really want eggs, and I don't really want to dirty up the kitchen.

• What should I blog about today? I'm annoyed at the Celebrity Apprentice this Sunday. I could write about that. What would I start with? Something like I told Susan about how I only watched it the first time when Gene Simmons was on it, and then I quit after he got booted. He didn't really get booted because he offered himself up. Trump hates that. I wonder if that is something you hate in business. Oh, for heaven's sake that is what is so annoying about Trump....he forgets this is a game and acts like things like this happen in the business world. Maybe Gene would see my blog and call me.

• I hate being the second car in the car line. Is that Jyoti behind me? We really should be carpooling. What a waste of gas. But if she drove in the morning than I wouldn't get to the gym because I would talk myself out of it and drink coffee instead.

• Pretty soon I will go by this place and not think of Kelly because she will be somewhere else. And not in her purple tracker. I'm proud of her for getting on the ball and getting things taken care of. She is moving up..... and not to a deluxe apartment in the sky.

• I wonder how many songs I could think of that I messed up the words to. That could be a blog subject. But I can't remember the songs. I could do this only if I heard the song on the radio and then I'd have to write it down for future blogging. That would take a long time. I'd forget by then.

• I knew the answer to that question! Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Wait until I tell Madison we got it right. I wonder how many pb and j sandwiches I've eaten in my life. When I was a kid we had peanut butter and fluff. I should call in and tell Big D and Bubba that one since they are talking about that jar of peanut butter mixed with jelly. We had that, but I don't remember what it tasted like. But we had that fluff. I have some in my refrigerator at home, I think. I should throw that out if we do. We haven't eaten it in over 6 months.

• What the hell are these people doing here? I know these people are not at the gym. It's Tuesday. The gym is quiet on Tuesdays. Jeez, these people must be here for doctor appointments. That's depressing. I should go home. I hate parking far away and these spaces are all taken up and it makes me mad enough to go home. Oh, there is a spot.

• OMG! This book by Denis Leary is hilarious. I'm trying not to laugh out loud, but I can't help it. I'm sure people are wondering why I'm snickering on the elliptical.

• This book is bringing back memories of my childhood. I could so write a response to some of the things he mentions about women in this book. Heck, I could have written this book too, but I'm not rich, famous or a comedian and can certainly not get away with the things he does. I don't think that this machine for my abs is really doing anything. I mean, seriously, my arms and hands are doing all of the work. They tell me to tighten my stomach muscles and use them to pull up the weight, but are these people serious? My stomach was made to house children. It kept two children warm, safe and fed, and when it was time to spit out those children it wasn't my stomach muscles doing the job. I think this is nuts and I'm going to move on to other machines. I'll go home and do sit-ups on the floor where my stomach muscles will have to do some pulling to get the upper half of my body up.

• That's it. I shouldn't push myself anymore. I should end exercising now so that I can still walk in the morning. I wonder if Roger is going to keep his appointment today with the back doctor.

• I wanted this cold front for a change of pace, and because I can wear clothes that hide my body, but this wind is a killer and it is damn COLD. I should be careful for what I wish for, huh?

• How come palm trees are so strong? How come they don't fall over in this wind? I can remember when driving down the road in Florida looking at palm trees was such a cool thing. I use to look up at those trees while on vacation and think how majestic those trees were just standing there in line along the road. Florida and the trees was the bomb. Now I hardly notice them. And the smell of Florida was always so beachy....so full of ocean scent. Do you only smell that when you are a tourist? Wonder if Kelly's ONE BLOCK FROM THE BEACH-BITCH apartment will still smell beachy after a while.

• I should call Kelly. But she is at work and I don't really have anything to talk about other than wondering if her apartment will smell beachy after a few months. And I'm almost home. And she is usually busy. And that isn't a good enough reason to interrupt her day. Not that that would stop me, but I'm almost home.

• I'm hungry already. That shouldn't be because I had oatmeal for breakfast. I should go home and have a cup of coffee. Or a cheese stick. I should eat cheese and then make coffee. It is too early for lunch.

• Why isn't the sun out today? I could take the cold if the sun was out. If the sun was out we would think it wasn't that cold. It would be a nice day. Should I get the mail? Nah, too cold.

• Why do all the diets want you to eat a cheese stick for a snack? How healthy can a big wad of salty mozzarella cheese be good for you? Alongside a handful of oily almonds? Better than an apple with peanut butter? I think I'll just eat lunch.

Boo Hoo our Piper is gone....

We had to give the dog back last night to her owners. We packed up her belongings and loaded her in her crate in the back of our van. We were expecting a real happy reunion scene when we arrived, maybe because Tom and I grew up on Lassie, but Piper was very nonchalant about being home. I like to think it was because she loved being with us and loved everything we did with her.

I told her family that when she refused to eat or drink and just moped around the house because she missed us so that they could call us to come and get her. And then they could just get another dog. They laughed, but they will see. That dog had a good life here at our house.

I dreamed about her last night. When I awoke this morning I expected to find her sitting by the bathroom door. Later this morning when I returned from taking one kid to school and the other to the doctor's office I expected her to come strolling in for a pat on the head. Boo Hoo. No Piper.

It was a good experience having her here. Everyone did well and we enjoyed having her. Problem is she spoiled me for any other dog. She didn't jump on people. She didn't bark when the door rang or someone entered the house. She didn't jump on the furniture. She didn't chew up things. She didn't try to run out of the house. If she happened to get outside she stood and looked around. The dog is a saint. She is perfect. I want HER for our dog.

Our neighbor recently lost her dog to cancer. I asked her if she would get another dog. She said not right away. Later I remembered that that is not what you ask people who have lost their dog. That is one of the pet peeves (no pun intended) of dog lovers; asking if they will replace their loved one as if that were possible. Well, now I understand that feeling. I miss our little Piper-for-a-week and no other dog will make me happy!

Third times a charm

Years ago I had another website where I blogged. Then while vacationing in Boston at my cousin's house blogger was introduced to me, and because it was easy and I could blog from anywhere in the world (because I travel so often) I left my old website. Recently I have begun to wonder about the older posts there, and wanting to preserve them I had my husband do his computer magic to find them. I am going to post some of them here time to time just like I did the things from my box of Keepsakes. This first post is quite relevant...


January 15, 2003
The 2nd Pregnancy StoryI awoke this morning and got ready to go to the gym. As I leaned over and picked up my shoes and socks, I walked backward and fell heavily upon my bed. The water in my bed sloshed and moved me side to side. For one moment I feared the worst, and then I remembered that once the worst had happened.

I was pregnant with my second child and about 5 weeks away from my due date. I crawled into bed one night next to my snoring, sleeping husband. I was not able to sleep, and so I propped myself up against my pillow and began to read a book. I read for about an hour, used the bathroom, and went to say goodnight to my daughter. As I was leaning over her bed to kiss her, I brushed my arm against my pajama bottoms. They were wet.

I went into my bathroom and turned on the light. The whole left side of my bottom was wet. My pajamas were soaked. My water had broken. I felt panic rise. It was too early. But wait! Why was the left side of my body wet? Why wasn't I wet between my legs? I rushed to find my What to Expect when Expecting book. It said there would be an odor. I took off my pajamas and sniffed. I smelled chlorinated water. I stopped and thought. This was worse than I expected. I woke my husband.

Me:  "I think my water just broke. I was reading and now the left side of my butt is wet, and it smells like chlorinated water instead of how it is supposed to smell, and it is way too early."

Tom: "What?"

Me: "WHAT? Were you not listening? My amniotic fluid doesn't smell right. It smells like chlorinated water. Like a pool..." 

I stopped. I leaned over my side of the bed and ran my hand over the sheets. It was dry. I straighten up. 

Me: "It was my water. I thought maybe for a minute that the water bed had leaked, but my sheets aren't wet. Should I call my doctor? I'm not having any contractions."

Tom: "It wasn't your water. You probably broke the water bed. Go back to bed." 

He rolled over.

Me: "How can the water bed be leaking? The bed isn't even wet." 

I snatched my end of the sheets and pulled them back. I ran my hands over the bed.

Tom: "You probably broke it at the seam."

I rubbed the seam of the mattress. It was wet. My water hadn't broken. I had sprung a leak in our water bed. I began to cry. Then I began to laugh. I laughed and laughed and cried and cried. 

Me: "I thought my water had broken. Can you believe that?" I rubbed the wet seam again. "How did the bed break? That is annoying."

Tom: "How did it break? It broke because you are always getting in and out of bed." He pulled the covers up over his shoulders. "Just go back to bed."

Me: "How? The bed is leaking!" I snickered.

Tom: "The bed is leaking on your side. My side is fine." He snuggled down further into his pillow and resumed his snoring.

I changed my clothes and bedded down with my daughter for the night, but not before documenting this event in my unborn child's diary. Together we had broken the water bed.
This story is exactly how I remembered except I left out the part about tasting the PJ bottoms. I could not understand how my amniotic fluid smelled like chlorine and so I just put the damn thing in my mouth and sucked it. It tasted like pool water. I think that is when I panicked and woke up Tom.

Other things in this story I do not recall is the bed leaking at the seam. I thought that this was the time we replaced the water bed, but now I'm not so sure. I do know that at some point in time we had to replace our water bed, which Tom did by going to a water bed store and getting one. It was not like the last bed and was so miserable that we had to sleep sideways in the bed for several days while waiting for another bed to be shipped to us.

About two years ago we sprung a leak in this water bed. Again it was me discovering wetness after having just read in bed. Again it was on my side of the bed. Again Tom did not care and went right to sleep. Again I slept with Madison.

The next morning we took off the sheets, unzipped the bed, and discovered that the bed had been leaking slowly from a pinhole leak in the seam. The nasty thing was that the leak had obviously been there for some time because the bed's protective cover was black with mold. My friend happened to be at my house right after this and she was horrified that we had been sleeping in the mold. She is a "green" woman through and through and she ranted and raved about the side effects of mold and told me of horrific things that could happen such as body parts falling off of my face.

I was determined to clean this protective cover as it cost a fortune to replace so I took it to the local do it yourself cleaners. I had the cover in a black plastic garbage bag. When I went into the cleaners there was only one woman in there. Now sometimes there is a worker who washes and folds your laundry for a small fortune or who makes change and such. This woman was sitting in a chair by the door and she began offering up advice to me the moment I walked into the door.

Woman: "Is that a comforter you got there?"
Me: "Sort of."
Woman: "What size is it? Because the size determines the machine. That machine you are looking at is a big machine. What size is that comforter?"
Me: "It's a king."
Woman: "Oh, a king comforter will need a big machine, but that machine costs more than that machine right next to it."
Me: "Well, it isn't a comforter exactly so it isn't quite as big. Maybe...."
Woman: "What do you mean it isn't a comforter? You said it was a king comforter. How can it be a king, but not a comforter? Is it a sheet?"

At this point, I just wanted to yell, "Shut-up lady and let me be!", but of course, I didn't do this and because she seemed so helpful I decided to launch into my tale of the broken water bed seam and the moldy cover. She listened and "oohed" and "aahed" in all the right places and when I finished she pondered what would be my best solution. We both decided that the big machine, which cost $3.50, would be good because the cover wouldn't be so tightly jammed in and the water could flow and blah, blah, blah.

I began getting the machine ready while my new friend kept offering more advice.

Woman: "Now I don't think you should use more than a cup of bleach. More than that it will eat holes in your cover."
Me: "Hmmmmm"
Woman: "And don't put the bleach in first. That goes in on a different cycle."
Me: "Well, this is a special case so I'm going to dump everything in at one time."
Woman: "Well, I think that isn't expected. There is a separate place for detergent and for bleach. A cup is all you need. "

My head was pounding from all of her jabbering. I was planning on dumping in this cover, pouring tons of bleach into the machine and crossing my fingers the mold would wash right out. I was dreading having to sit there and listen to her talk through all the cycles, and I was sure she was going to ignore the fact that I had brought a book. By this time I was annoyed at all the helpful advice from all of these helpful people regarding my moldy king size cover.

The woman was at my side by this time still going on and on about how I should proceed. I bent over, opened the plastic bag and began to pull out my black spotted cover. The woman took one look at the cover, covered her mouth and nose and shrieked, "OH MY GOD! THE MOLD! I CAN'T BE BREATHING THAT STUFF!" And before I could stand back up, she turned in a circle, ran out the door of the cleaners and took off running down the sidewalk. I never saw her again.

I washed the cover the way I wanted with tons of bleach twice. The mold came right out. Tom repaired the tiny hole in the bed, we layered the bed with shower curtains in case of any more leaks, put back on the cover and have slept quite peacefully for the last two years.

Until this past week when after reading I got up out of bed and went into the bathroom to use the toilet. While sitting there I felt some wetness and discovered that the shoulder and sleeve of my pajamas where wet on the right side. Having been there and done that, I immediately felt the water bed and right on my side of the bed was wetness. Tom suggested a towel and went back to sleep as it wasn't on his side of the bed. I spent the night in Darcy's bed in her room next to the dog's crate, where I didn't sleep a wink. The next day Tom found another pin size hole in the seam, but no mold, and he repaired it.

I have decided that I shall not read in bed anymore, I shall agree the next time Tom suggests we change sides of the bed to avoid boredom, I shall learn to jump out of the bed from the middle so I don't sit anywhere near the seam, and I shall wear a bathing suit to bed.

Spring Break

Summing up the week of Spring Break, here are some of the highlights:

• I had my good friend, her 5-month-old baby, and her two and a half-year-old visit for 4 days.
• My Mother was in the hospital.
• We received a dog to dog-sit for a week.
• My water bed sprung a leak on my side of the bed (for the 3rd time!). I slept in Darcy's bed in her room which was next to the dog's crate. The dog did not sleep and kept banging on the crate door to get out. I did not sleep much of the night for worrying about the dog.
• My Mother got out of the hospital.
• Every time I walked the dog she pooped.
• My friend and her kids left. My two nephews took their place.
• We enjoyed the beach three times. Two of those times the Gulf actually had high waves that we could ride.
• I celebrated my father-in-law's 79th birthday.
• I drank lots of beer and ate quite a bit of seafood.
• I fell in love with the dog, despite the walks, the poop, and the chunks of hair on my floor.
• My Father-in-law ended up in the hospital.
• I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. I dried it out and it works just fine. I don't know if it took any pictures while at the bottom of the toilet.
• I lost in basketball brackets.
• I got on the eldest daughter until she finally finished a school project that should have been done last week.
• I didn't fall for anymore Toby Keith April Fools Day nonsense.
• I got minimal sleep and I never exercised. I now have big bags under the eyes....or maybe those were always there.

One more day and then the vacation is over. Did it really ever begin?

Calling the little mermaid

A few months ago there was an incident with water and an electronic device in my home. Lucky for the girls and me unplugging the device and letting it sit for 24 hours solved the problem and the electronic device worked once again. The best thing about the whole thing was we solved the problem on our own and didn't need to involve the husband.

Yesterday another device that shouldn't come in contact with water did just that. I dropped my cell phone in the toilet.

It was in the pocket of my new shorts (on clearance at Target) which is a small pocket and not intended for cell phones. I used the toilet, stood up, turned to flush, and with a plop and a splash the phone landed in the urine-filled toilet. I did hesitate for three seconds wondering what had happened, but then my hand reached in and extracted the phone. Then it reached in again and pulled out the battery. Then it reached in again and pulled out the back of the phone. Jeez...three times I had to put my hand into the toilet. I think I also yelled, "Shit" at the top of my lungs, but since the bathroom door was shut no one heard my cry.

I couldn't decide to dry my phone first or wash my hand, but remembering that someone had once told me urine was more sterile then water, and remembering the anger from my husband when I washed my last cell phone in the washing machine, I opted to dry the phone first and wash my hand last. I shook the water out and kept drying and muttering, "Shit" over and over.

The phone is now lying out for the prescribed 24-hour wait. I did try it soon after the incident and it did power right up, but the address book wanted to keep moving quickly from name to name without settling on a name to call so I took the phone apart and decided to air it out overnight. Unfortunately, with a father-in-law in the hospital, I had to come clean with my husband, who in situations like this, becomes my father. "Well, you're going to have to just be without a phone for like the next two years until the contract allows you another free phone."

And treating him like I would have my father, I did not mention the other water/electronic device incident in which we solved the problem with a 24 hour drying period.

Better to fix the problem and then smile smugly. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Because if it doesn't work this blog will be my only communication with the outside world...

Monkey-ing around

For some reason, this monkey keeps appearing around my house.....




In it....








And outside of it...














But he is certainly cute...

Body parts are included....

A few things that have occurred in the last three days:

• Sharon lost her keys the second night she was here. The last thing she remembered was taking a walk with the kids. Tom took a flashlight and walked the route they had taken. No luck. Sharon went through her entire car. No luck. I went through Sharon's entire car (cleaning as I went). No luck. We all went through the bedroom. No luck. Sharon went through all three of her suitcases. No luck. Sharon and I were pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. We knew the keys were somewhere and that eventually, they would turn up. Tom was beside himself with annoyance at the missing keys and our attitude. We probably wasted two hours looking for the keys. The next day Sharon found them in the yard by the swing in our big oak tree. See, no problem!

• Sharon and I went to lunch with the boys. We chose a deli across the street from the hospital where my mother was staying so that after lunch we could jot on over to visit her. Just as we finished eating and were sitting talking, her four-month-old son pooped right through his diaper. Poop went on the floor, but most of it came out on Sharon's lap, including her leg and her shorts. She calmly wiped up what she could with her nursing towel and took Henry outside to the car and cleaned him up. Then, right there in the parking lot of the restaurant, Sharon removed her soiled pants and drove home in her underwear. I laughed the whole way and captured the moment on film, but this is a family-friendly website.

• Today I settled down at my spot on the beach. I noticed that in front of me to the right was a huge bunch of women probably from a mother's group. They were all skinny, wore bikinis, had long hair they pulled back in ponytails and all had well-manicured nails. They had neatly prepared their children's lunches and they themselves stood around chatting and sipping vitamin water. Directly in front of me to the left was the opposite group. These five women were grossly overweight, wore T'shirts over their suits, and talked loudly to each other. They were sitting around drinking sodas, and enjoying chips and guacamole dip. I decided that was the group I would join.

Overheard at the beach:

• "I heard he went to Jarrod's."
• "And apparently it is a yeast thing in the vagina that causes problems."
• "Anyone want some pistachios? Hello? Anyone? Pistachios?"

Things I've decided in the last few days:

• Skinny dog owners do not get that way from walking their dogs. I walked Piper today and spent way more time stopping to let her sniff things then I did walking. That is no longer in the pro column for getting a dog.
• I am past the days of taking care of babies. It was nice to have a baby to kiss and hold, but it was even nicer to hand him back to his mother.
• I am definitely past the days of taking care of toddlers. Although they are better exercise than going to the gym or walking a dog.
• I dislike cleaning up poop whether from a baby, a toddler or a dog.
• Men need their cars to feel whole. They have no sense of humor when their car is in the shop.
• Beer tastes really good lately. Especially chilled.
• A house with a dog stinks of dog.
• Hospitals don't seem all that sterile.
• It isn't vacation if you are up before 8:00 AM every day!

The root of my problem

I love reading the major headlines on Yahoo's homepage whenever I click on to the Internet. It is sometimes entertaining, and usually informative, like the headline on Saturday night. Turns out my failure to lose weight is because I'm stressed and stress hampers weight loss!

I read that when women are stressed they tend to eat more thus the weight gain or lack of weight loss. Luckily the story offered up some ways to help reduce stress, and in case you missed it, I'll go over some of the ones I thought might work for me.....or not.

• Listen to steady upbeat music because this will allow the brain waves to keep time and relax you. It recommends you add a playlist titled "Happy Tunes" to listen to on your iPod. That will go right along with my "Eating Music".


• Phone a friend and pour out your troubles and brainstorm over ways to solve those troubles. In turn, listen to a friend's troubles because this will make you feel needed and help reduce stress. So far this week my friends and I found that brainstorming just opened up another whole can of troubles, and listening to others (two with relatives with cancer and one who's dog died) has depressed me and given me migraines.


• Work out for 30 minutes and release those chemicals that dull the physiological effects of stress. Sounded great until I read that the exercise has to be something you really want to do. Uh, exercise and want in the same sentence in my brain? Not happening.


• Have dinner by candlelight because the dim setting releases melatonin, the good-for-you sleep hormone. Cooking wears me out and putting that with the dim lighting... I'd just fall asleep with my head in my plate.


• Get out in the sun. Okay, this is one that might work for me since I've discovered that with my new eyesight reading is way easier outside than it is inside.


• Look forward to something awesome every day. I look forward to bed. Is that the same thing?


• Tape up pictures of amazing days that you've had in the past because looking at those pictures for just ten minutes can stabilize your heartbeat and lower muscle tension. I guess those pictures of Toby Keith on my office wall isn't the same thing because it causes a little different reaction in me...

I'm going to start on these right after vacation. I'll let you know how things go.

Chaos

The start of Spring Break has brought me:

• My mother in the hospital. Apparently, she picked up some E coli in her urine and the only antibiotic that will touch it must be given through a central line. She will be in there for a few days until the hospital has sucked Medicare dry and then she will go home with the central line and a home health nurse will come twice a day to administer the medication.



• A dog. This is Piper and she belongs to a co-worker of my husband. The co-worker and family are going on a family vacation (hmmm....I think I've heard of those....) and my husband volunteered our services.


• A four-month-old baby and a two-year-old. I invited my friend to visit with her two boys. That was way before I found out about the dog and the mother.

Seriously, we are trucking right along here at the house. My mother is pretty much on her own at the hospital. We call and visit in between dental appointments and swimming. We do keep her entertained with the household goings-on.

The dog is a dream so far. We have yet to hear her bark. I forget she is even at our house. If we leave the door open, she just stands and looks outside. She loves kids, turtles, babies and other dogs. What more could we ask for?

My friend fits right in with all the shenanigans at the house, and kissing her baby is worth all the weariness I have from following around a two-year-old boy.

So far Spring Break is off to a roaring start.....and we are only two days into it!

Heading down memory lane....

Yesterday's blog got me thinking about my Grandfather, Earl. He wasn't much of a talker. When I was little I remember him up and outside the farm letting us feed the hogs. Mostly though I remember him as he was in the last years of his life; sitting in a recliner.

He was a quiet man. I can remember coming into his farmhouse and sitting in the second recliner next to his talking to him for a few minutes. He would ask me questions about how I was and what was going on at school. Nothing earth-shaking, but comforting all the same.

There are two really good memories that I have of him. The first was at my Aunt Lorene's house (left in the picture next to her brothers, my Uncle Cockeye and my father, Russ) for one of her big holiday dinners.

All the women were in the kitchen cooking and talking. The men were in the living room watching football, the kids were either inside or outside playing games. My Aunt Lorene called everyone to the table and those in the living room started getting up to head into the kitchen. I was the last person in that line and as I stood waiting to get into the crowded kitchen I heard this little voice calling, "Cara. Hey, Cara."

I looked around the room but didn't see anything.

"Cara. Here...down here."

I was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and I turned to my right and looked down. The recliner had fallen backwards with my grandfather in it. He was reclined with his head and upper body on the floor and his legs straight up in the air. I was horrified. My first real concern for an elderly person.

Not so for my grandfather. He chuckled and said, "Do you think you could help an old man up out of this predicament?"

Turns out everyone just walked right past him on their way to the grub. I frantically yelled for my father who came and laughingly helped my grandfather up and into the kitchen.

The second great memory I have of my Grandpa is my favorite.

I was probably ten, my brother seven. We were visiting him at his farm. It was morning and we were at the kitchen table eating breakfast while my father stood at the stove cooking. Both my brother and I had glasses of fresh goat's milk in glasses before our plates.

I barely tolerated regular pasteurized cow's milk so warm milk straight from the udder of a farm goat was enough to cross my eyes permanently. Yuck.

I finished everything but the milk. My brother and I asked to be excused, but when my father turned around and saw that I hadn't touched my milk he shook his head. "Drink your milk!" he said in his big booming voice.

I whined.

Dad yelled, "Drink your milk."

I whined some more.

Dad responded with, "You are not going anywhere until you drink that damn milk!"

He turned back to the stove, and I sadly stared at the yucky goat's milk. Suddenly, without one word spoken, my grandfather reached over, picked up my milk, drank it all, and put it back where it had been. He then returned to his breakfast as if nothing had happened.

I sat there stunned, not knowing what to do. What the what had just happened? I was a straight-laced kid who rarely did the wrong thing and this totally threw me off kilter.

Then my father turned around, saw that the milk was gone smiled happily and excused me from the table.

Still, I sat there unsure what to do. I looked over at my grandfather as if to see what that was and he gave me a slow wink. Our little secret that wink said.

We never discussed it, and I never told anyone the story until years later after he had died.

From the keepsake box - My Grandfather, Earl Mason

Another thing from my Keepsake Box. Written on this in my mother's handwriting it says, "Cara---this is yours". 

I know it was typed on my old typewriter. Funny I don't remember doing this or when it was written, but it was obviously a school assignment. I don't remember the things in it about my grandfather. Guess that is why it is good to write things down. Not very well written and the punctuation is horrible, but I found it interesting enough to post.

Earl Mason, born 1894, first worked at Mine #17 west of Dugger, IN. He left there to work at old Oak Grove, located east of Cass. Mine #17 put in joy loaders, which had replaced the pick and shovel. When they conveyed coal into small cars, Earl went back to #17 to work. Oak Grove moved to just north of Dugger and was called New Oak Grove. Some members of his family started this mine so he went to work there. One morning they were drilling on the face of solid coal, and red water started to run through. They had mined into old Kielly, this resulted in the closing of this mine.

Before machinery most of the mining was hand work--holes were drilled into seams of coal, a powder was put into cartridges with a long fuse and forced into openings with a tamping bar with a brass head and steel would hit a sulfur ball and the spark would cause an explosion. Often the fuse was lit with carbide lights, which were worn on the miners' heads. Often the lights ignited with gas which was then put out with a handful of slack.

Mr. Mason remembers trains with miners coming from Linton. Many area men walked to work in freezing rain, their clothing frozen when they arrived. There were different shifts and with so many mines the men walking across the countryside at night with their carbide lamps on their heads looked like fireflies.

Some of the mines had blockhouses built near the mine for families to live in. The mines at this time had no bathing facilities and the miners' clothing and faces would be black. They bathed at home in wash tubs and their clothes were scrubbed on washboards by hand. Many of these families would have friends or relatives from other countries living with them, often ten or twelve people in a small dwelling. They would save money to send for their families back home. Here, many nationalities were working together.

In the early thirties, a wagon mine was sunk on Mr. Mason's farm. There were mines worked underground with most of the coal sold to individuals for home heating and usually customers would come to the mine with a wagon or small truck, saving delivery costs. Also the initial cost of the coal was much less. There were many of these across the area.

Mr. Mason worked at Littly Betty Strip mine for several years. He had a daughter, Lorene, and two sons, Lloyd and Russell. Another son, James (Juke) died December 18, 1978.

Field Trip Mom

I had a car full of elementary children. They are Montessori kids so I engaged them on directions like the good field trip mother that I am.

Me: "Alright, listen up kids. We are heading out. I need someone to be in charge of the map."

5th grade boy: "I'll do it."

Me: "Where does it say I should turn when leaving the school?"

Him: "It says for you to go right and then to turn right again."

Me: "Really? That can't be right. No pun intended. Let me see that map. Yeah, that isn't right. Why is it taking me that way? We are literally right by the road that will lead us to the road we need to be on to get to our destination. Okay, yeah, we aren't going this way. Okay, kids, we are going to take the scenic route."

Him: "You're not going to follow the map?"

Me: "Nah. It's more fun to take the scenic route. Sit back, buckle up, look out the window, and enjoy."

Off I went. I had to study the map app as I drove, still perplexed that it had wanted to take me in a different direction than the one I was sure was correct. As I got closer to where I thought the road that I wanted was to meet up with the road on the map I begin to second guess myself.

I spent several minutes stressing as I continued driving. Eventually, I conceded that the app may have been correct after all. I decided to do a U-turn and backtrack a bit to match the map.

Him: "What are you doing now?"

Me: "I'm thinking that I need to head back this way for a bit."

Him: "So much for the scenic route."

Good thing it wasn't raining....

On Friday I bought this great umbrella that attaches to a beach chair. Madison used it at the beach but when she got up from the chair to go into the water a big gust of wind blew the umbrella inside out, breaking one of the prongs inside.

Saturday Madison needed shading from the sun at Darcy's soccer game. She found the umbrella still in the car and insisted it was what she needed despite the broken prong.

     













She opened the umbrella and put it over her head. It was a tad lopsided from the broken prong. She said it would do.

Then a gust of wind blew across the soccer field and forced the umbrella inside out.....again! Madison flipped it back and said all was well.

















Unfortunately, the wind gusts continued one right after the other. The umbrella would turn out. Madison would reverse it. The umbrella would turn out. Prongs continued to pop off the umbrella.

















It was more entertaining than the soccer game. Eventually, all of the prongs broke and that was the end of the umbrella. It shaded no one.

What only a mother can do

Saturday morning Tom's car would not start (see Saturday's blog).

After Darcy's first soccer match Tom returned home to take care of the situation. I had been out with my friend, Kelly and my mother-in-law, MaryAnne looking at rental properties. Because our neighbor next door was having a garage sale and cars were lined up and down our street, Kelly and MaryAnne had parked their cars in our driveway. Tom had to park the van in the street and could not use it to jump his car. Since MaryAnne's car was the closest he opted to use her vehicle. Kelly, MaryAnne, and I stayed outside to offer our expert opinions and help.

Problem #1

The jumper cables did not extend between the two cars.

Our offered solution: We had already told him that MaryAnne's car was too far away for those cables to connect. We offered up that the car would need to be moved.

Tom's Response: "I can't move my car."

Our offered solution: We would move MaryAnne's car closer to Tom's car.

End Result: Tom smiled what looked like an insincere smile and put out his hands for the keys. He then got into his mother's car.


Problem #2: He began backing the car out of the driveway, stopped and sat there for quite a large amount of time. Kelly walked over to see what the problem was and Tom told her that he couldn't figure out how to adjust the seat.

Kelly's offered solution: "Do you really need to adjust the seat? You're only going to be in the car for a second."

Tom's response: "I want to be comfortable on my drive."

End Result: Tom backed the car out of the driveway (which took a while due to garage sale seekers driving in a steady stream down our road), manuevered it around the van until it was on the grass on the other side of his car.

Once that was accomplished he began to hook the jumper cable to the battery on his car. I handed Kelly a pad of paper and she went to take notes.

Kelly: "I'll take notes."

Tom: "That is not helpful."

Kelly: "Well, it will be helpful the next time my bettery is dead. I will know how to do it, and I won't have to call you to help, which will, in the long run, be helpful to you. See?"

Tom: No response.

He hooked up the cables and started his mother's car. He then went to start his car and it powered right up. We all cheered and clapped and watched as he cleaned up the cables and drove his mother's car back off the lawn, out into the road and back up into the driveway. We asked him how he felt.


End Result:

Tom: "Without my Mother, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this!"

I'm not sure anymore what my role is.....

This morning I came into the kitchen to find this scene at my kitchen table. This is the sewing machine that my daughter received for Christmas in 2007.

Me: "Oh, my gosh, your father is teaching you how to sew? I feel like a horrible mother. What kind of a mother am I?"

Then I left to go get my camera so that I could record this for my blog.

When I returned Tom was gone and Madison was sitting by herself at the table with the sewing machine.

Me: "What? Where is your father? I wanted to take a picture."

Madison: "Oh, he's outside doing the laundry."

Saturday Morning Conversations

All dialogue in parenthesizes is in my head or is for the reader's information)

Conversation #1
I'm in the bathroom trying to do my morning constitutional. Voices are heard:

Darcy: "I'm ready, Dad"

Tom: "I need to brush my teeth."

Darcy: "Okay?"

Tom: "What car are you going to take?"

Silence

Tom: "Cara?"

Me: "Yes? I'm in the bathroom"

Tom: "What car are you going to take?"

Me: "My van. I need to go to the library which is why I'm up early. I need to get there by nine."

Tom: "Well, I need the van because I'm taking the canopy (to a soccer tourney)."

Me: "Okay, then you take the van."

Tom: "Well, what car are you going to take?"

Me: "What do you mean?" (Uh, we have two cars. What car do you think I'm taking if you're taking the van??)

Tom: "I mean what car are you taking today? Kelly's? My mom's?"

Me: "I don't know. That trip is later this morning. Right now I need to get to the library so I guess I'm taking your car if you have my van."

Tom: "Well, I need to move some things then. That's why I needed to know."

Me: "Okay."

Tom: "I need to brush my teeth though."

Conversation #2
I am out of the bathroom and getting dressed. Enter Darcy.

Darcy: "Can I have my library card?"

Me: "What? Why?"

Darcy: "Because Daddy and I are going to the library."

Me: "What? When? I'm going to the library. I just told your father that. That is why I'm up on a Saturday at this ungodly hour."

Darcy: "Well Daddy and I are going to the library too."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. I just had a conversation with the man about how I was going to the library. Why didn't he tell me he was going?"

Darcy: "I don't know. I told him I needed to go to the library and he said we were early enough and going right past it on the way to soccer so we could stop."

Me: "Oh, my god, this is why I'm insane. I just talked to the man. He stood outside that door while I was trying to poop and never once mentioned the library. Not even when I said I was up because I was going to the library. AAAAAHHHHHH!"

Darcy: "Does this mean you can't give me my library card?"

Conversation #3
I am dressed and have gathered all the library books and given them to Darcy, along with her library card. I am in the kitchen. Enter the annoying husband.

Tom: "I don't need the van after all. Everything fits in my car."

Me: "You don't want me driving your car?"

Tom: "What? No. Just everything fits in my car so you can have the van. I didn't want to have to move stuff out of my car."

Me: "What stuff? No, never mind. Okay, great, I have the van."

Tom: "Are you going to go up to my Mom's and get the pool furniture?"

Me: "I hadn't planned on that."

Tom: "Well, I did. I'll go up there after the soccer game."

Me: "I thought you were going swimming with Darcy."

Tom: "I am. I'm going to swim up there and get the pool furniture."

Me: "Well, how are you going to do that now since you're not taking the van?"

Tom: "That's why I asked you if you were going."

Conversation #4
Tom and Darcy are loading the car. I gather the paper and head out by the pool to read it. The weather is cool, breezy and sunny. A beautiful Florida morning, the kind I miss on the weekends because I'm usually sleeping. Peaceful silence. The back door opens.......

Tom: "I'm taking the van."

Me: (Is this man nuts, or what?) I stare at him because words will not come.

Tom: "I'm taking the van because my car won't start."

Me: (laughing....couldn't help it) "Would you like Kelly and me to take care of that problem while you're gone?" See previous car blogs

Tom: (stares at me)

Conversation #5
I am in the kitchen making coffee to enjoy outside. Tom and Darcy are gone. The library books are on the kitchen table. I ignore them. I'm watching people walking to my neighbor's garage sale when up drives my van. I pick up the books and head outside.

Me: "Forget something?"

Darcy: "Those books. Hee hee."

Me: "This is like a comedy. I just wanted to get to the library by nine. It's 9:20."

Tom: "I know. I keep trying to get out of here, but you keep talking......"

Mother/Daughter Day

Most of the middle schoolers are in Europe this week so school has pretty much been a snooze for Madison. Apparently, they can't teach when the majority of the class is missing. So I took Madison out of school today and we had a mother/daughter day.

First, we had to put our breakfast on hold to drive to Tom's work. He had locked his keys in his vehicle and we came to the rescue. He gave us a nice tour of his building as we had not really been able to do that since he took a new position almost a year ago.

Next, we had a nice breakfast at this little restaurant up the street from our house. Madison is not keen on trying new things, she feels more comfortable in the old, but I told her that today was about trying something different. She asked that we not try seafood.

After a tasty breakfast, we checked out an apartment building that we are going to check into tomorrow for our friend, Kelly. (Okay, we really did this before we went to open Tom's car, but we want him to think we hurried.) I chatted with a nice, old man who lived across the street from the duplex. He assured me the neighborhood was a good one and that the apartment would be to my liking.

From there, we headed to Walgreen's where I purchased a beach chair and an umbrella. Then it was off to the grocery where we stocked up on essentials: sandwiches, strawberries, grapes, Cheetos, cheddar cheese chips, and Fuse drinks. We headed home and gathered our beach belongings, quarters for the meter, and packed all the essentials in a large rolling cooler.

We got the beach at around 12:30 PM. People who'd been there since daybreak were leaving so we were able to score a parking spot, under a tree no less. We fed the meter and hauled our equipment and bodies down to the beach. This was a bit of a chore as the rolling cooler doesn't roll in the sand and we had more stuff than two people needed.

Finding a spot, we laid out our belongings. We did the crossword puzzle and ate some Cheetos. At 1:30 PM our friend Kelly joined us and we continued eating the essentials. Madison did some riding of the waves, which is usually not possible in the Gulf, but since it was a tad windy there were a few small waves. I joined her at one point because I had to pee. The water was not bad and was warmer than our pool.

Unfortunately, as the day grew longer the wind picked up and returning from swimming meant that my skinny girl had to bundle up to keep from shivering. She whined and chattered her teeth so much that Kelly went to the van and retrieved a blanket for Madison, as well as one for herself.

Being made of stronger stuff, I wrapped myself only in a towel. Comfy and cozy we slept for about a half an hour, awoke, gathered up our belongings and headed off to pick up Darcy from school.

A delightful day. Who knew playing hookey could be so pleasant?