Out of the mouths of my babes

My Auntie Marilyn bought my mother an iPad.  She wanted her to have a laptop because my mother is in a wheelchair and getting to and from her computer is a pain.  My husband didn't think she would use a laptop and so he didn't jump on the stick and buy her one.  So Auntie Marilyn took matters into her own hands.  The iPad arrived at the beginning of the week, but since Connie is clueless about apple electronics, Madison had to be the teacher.

Madison:  "Next we are going to learn how to use Facetime."
Connie:  "What is that?"
Madison:  "Facetime is where you call someone and can see them while you talk to them.  Let's try Mom's number."
Connie:  "Oh, yeah, let's try her.  She is just sitting over there on the couch playing on her laptop."
Me: (answering phone):  "Hello!"
Connie:  "Hi there."
Me:  "I've never done this.  This is so cool."
Connie:  "Okay, I'm done with her, how do I hang up?"
Madison:  "Like this."

They hang up and move on to Faceboook.  I give them five minutes and call back.

Connie:  "What is that?"
Madison:  "Cara is calling you on your Facetime."
Connie:  "Cara? Why are you doing that?  I'm trying to learn something else right now.  Why would you do that while we are working?"
Me:  "Because what is going to happen when someone like Marilyn calls you?  You're going to hear that noise, but you won't know what it is or what to do. I'm prepping you."
Connie:  "I will be annoyed because I won't know what to do."
Me:  "Exactly!  Which is why I'm calling you so that you can learn as if this were a real life situation.  It's called practice."
Connie:  "Well, excuse me!"
Madison:  "Ladies!  Ladies!  Let's calm down and stop snipping at each other.  Maybe we can find a counseling app for both of you."

Reason #1 why there is no take your spouse to work day

Today was "Take your kid to work day" and for once my husband mentioned that fact early enough in the month for us to plan accordingly.  Never have my girls joined him at work on this day to participate in the big hoopla that his work makes of the day.  It wasn't until later that I found out the reason for his bringing it up was because he was put in charge of a project and he figured he could use the girls' help.  No matter.  We put the date on the calendar and assured him they would help out.

Two weeks before the date our school announced that the 8th grade class would become certified in scuba diving and would need to participate in two open water dives, one of which would be help on that same day as the "take your kid to work day".  That meant Madison was out and so my husband recruited my help.  He was to be in charge of photographing and making badges of all of the kids who signed up for the day.  I assured him Darcy and I were up for the task, but as the day grew nearer so did his anxiety.

Tuesday night he came home from work with a black bag so large it could have housed a dead body or two.  In it was a laptop and computer and all the fixings.  He set it up on my kitchen table and called the two of in for training.  Those of you who know my husband and his work hours can just imagine what I'm about to type next.  The time of our training started at 10:00 PM before husband even ate his dinner.  Darcy and I were in no mood for training.  Tom was in no mood for teaching.  Yet we forged on.

And it went something like this:
And it went something like this:

Tom:  "See that icon on the screen? Click on it.  This is the camera software.  Now you have to plug in the camera using this cord, but first we have to take pictures before we do this step.  Who is going to take the pictures?"
Me:  "I thought Darcy was going to take the pictures."
Tom:  "Darcy? You're taking the pictures? You're going to have to learn how to use this camera."
Darcy:  "I know how to use that camera."
Tom:  "No, this is the office's camera so you are going to have to learn how to use it."
Darcy:  "You gave me that camera three weeks ago to play with so that I could learn.  I know how to use that camera."
Tom:  "Oh, that's right.  Okay, well then take a picture."
Darcy:  "Of what?"
Tom:  "You're going to be taking pictures of all the kids that come in tomorrow.  There will be 50 kids."
Darcy:  "No, what do you want me to take a picture of now?"
Tom:  "Take a picture of your mother."
Me:  "I'm in my pajamas.  Don't take a picture of me."
Tom:  "Who cares?  Okay, okay, take a picture of me."

This continued until after midnight with him all stressed and out of joint.  I was annoyed because his system sucked, and when I tried to tweak it to make it work more efficiently and effectively then he would freak out.  Darcy finally wandered away and went to bed.  I pulled Madison into it and between the two of us we worked it out so that everyone was happy and I could take a shower and go to bed.

We got four hours of sleep before the alarm went off.  Darcy and I were dressed and out the door first with Madison who had to be at school by 6:00 AM because her scuba class was heading north for an open water dive.  We dropped her off and headed to the jail where my husband hangs out each day.

Once we got through security and found the right room a few kids were already there.  A woman volunteer was taking pictures.  Tom was behind the computer.  I told him I was reporting for duty and he refused to let me near it the entire two hours we worked on making badges, despite my earlier training.  Darcy was not allowed to take pictures despite her earlier training.  I was pissed.  Darcy was sighing.  Tom was stressed.  His co-worker, who was signing in the kids, thought the three of us were hilarious.  My job ended up as Tom's right hand bozo.  I sat and spelled out the kid's names to him while he typed.  Again, not efficient, but the way he wanted to do it.  Darcy's job was to cut holes in the badges and insert the clips.  Eventually it was all done and distributed.  Darcy and I then spent the next 9 hours learning about what the parents and spouses of all of us did at the sheriff's office.  Tom left us after the badge making and went back to his office.  I think I will eventually forgive him...

Connie foot photo #16

The Foot God actually said, "It looks good!" this week instead of "That looks better".  Pumped us up in his own way.  Trailing behind him once again was a tall man in a black shirt with the word, dermagraft, stitched on the upper left hand corner.  Connie immediately pounced on him questioning him on why she couldn't get another dermagraft and why medicare wouldn't pay.  He seemed quite taken aback and assured her that medicare did pay for a dermagraft and he questioned the Foot God.  Who, of course, kept working on the foot, shrugged, and said, "I don't remember.  I'll need to look into that."  Connie offered to do a commercial or any other advertising for dermagraft if the gentleman would just get her another one as the first two had really worked on her wound.

She is waiting at home for either the commercial call or for the dermagraft. 

The wound was smaller in every way.  He cleaned and told her to stay with the other treatment he recommended last week which consists of a biodegradable piece of something that is put into the wound like a "foam".  I couldn't find it online so I hesitate to put it here for fear the spelling is incorrect.  Home health continues every day and we return in a week.  And on it goes...

Three against one

Me:  "Oh, Tom, I forgot to tell you that I borrowed some money out of your wallet the other day."
Tom:  "Uh huh.  I thought I was missing some money.  I just assumed Darcy had taken it."
Darcy:  "What?  Why do I get blamed for everything?  I told her not to take it out of your wallet."
Tom:  "So you were in on it with her! How much did you take?"
Me:  "$10"
Darcy:  "No!  It was $20"
Me:  "It was $10 Darcy.  I took two fives."
Tom:  "Keep talking you two."
Madison:  "It was $10 and she gave the money to me."
Tom:  "So all three of you were in on it!"
Me:  "Oh, boy."
Tom:  "I figured it was between $10 and $20."
Me:  "You don't even know what you have in your wallet?"
Tom:  "I had something between $5 and $20.  And all three of you are thieves."
Me:  "Uh huh, well, I took two fives."  Silence.  "Then I put it back because it was wrong to take money without asking."
Darcy:  "Which is what I told her in the first place."
Tom:  "Then how did Madison get $20."
Madison:  "Mom got it out of her swim book."
Tom:  "I think all three of you are now lying."
Me:  "About what?"
Tom:  "The money you stole from my wallet."
Me:  "What wallet?"
Darcy:  "I didn't see anything and this conversation is making me dizzy."
Madison:  "Can I have $20 Dad?"
 

Easter 2011

 The Easter bunny came today...

 He hid a lot of eggs in our house...

 Which the dog found before the kids got up...

 He enjoys the peanut butter eggs...

 But I was happy to see that the Easter bunny is not only smart...

but clearly knows how to decorate his eggs...

Happy Easter 2011 to all my faithful readers!

17 years and counting

Today, several years ago, I got married.

 No, not to her....

To this guy...

Happy Anniversary Tom!  Love you!

A journey through the system

The school year is really winding down.  It always does right after Spring Break, which comes really quickly after Winter Break.  Then the summer goes fast and it is the school year again and before I know it Christmas and Winter Break all over.  I don't remember it happening that fast when I was a child.  School always dragged on and on and breaks were over in a blink of an eye.  Just when you got a good game going and the teams just so it was time to pack it all in and get to bed early because school was starting tomorrow.  But now?  Now the years just roll faster and faster, and the child that I worried about where she would go to kindergarten

is now graduating from 8th grade and heading to high school.

There is much to be done before school ends, of course.  We have graduation to plan, an eighth grade dance to plan, an international trip to travel, finals to prepare for, field trips to attend, papers to write, and sign ups for high school to be completed by the end of the month.

Thanks to the generosity of my mother my children have been in the private school sector since the age of three.  Next year Madison will enter the world of public education.  To her and her parents it is the unknown.  Just as the years have changed from old lady driver speed to hurricane speed so have the ways of schooling.  High schoolers are expected to pick a major before enrolling for their freshman year.  At 14 years of age they should know what career path they want to walk down.  Who are these people at the helm kidding?  At 14 I wanted to be 21, skinny, and a famous writer for General Hospital.  Either that or a skinny actress on General Hospital.  A week later I thought I might be a private investigator instead.  Thank goodness no one really expected me to have it narrowed down when I entered the high school building my first day.

Here where we live in Florida I had to pick a high school for my daughter to attend if she wanted to get into one of the three "magnet" programs, which is really code for "smart kids that don't want to be thrown in with the riff-raff that don't care about school" programs.  Kids who enroll in "magnet" schools, of course, have chosen their careers and can choose to attend a school that specializes in their field.  On the list of "magnet" programs we could chose a career in medicine, culinary arts, engineering, teaching, forensic science, environmental technology and marine science, architectural design, computer technology, business, and graphic arts.  Or we could opt for one of the higher educated programs such as the International Baccalaureate Program or the Cambridge Program which have strict enrollment policies.  All of these schools are located throughout the county, and if your child chooses one that is 45 minutes away, parents are responsible for getting them to and from school.  Busing is available at a few "magnet" schools, but that would mean a child would be picked up before 6 AM and ride an hour to school.  Good-bye friends that you made in middle school.  We'll keep in touch via Facebook.

I attended a school that went from kindergarten to the 8th grade.  That school fed into one high school which meant that I attended school with most of the same people for 13 years.  All the kids in the neighborhood went to the same school if they enrolled in the public system.  Any sort of "magnet" programs educating the intellectual students happened right there in the same high school before, during, and after school.  There was no break down into categories.  If you were interested in the fields of forensic, marine, or environment, you enrolled in several Science classes.  If journalism, screenwriting, or poetry was your cup of tea, you took extra English classes.  And if you were interested in both?  You took both.  You weren't handicapped into picking one theme nor were you expected to stick with that for the next four years.  We also had two classes in electives from a wide pool of choices.  Now?  My daughter can chose one elective from a pool that includes human geography. 

Once Tom and I my daughter decided which school to attend we had to sign her up online, choosing three schools in order of importance, submit her credentials, and wait for several weeks to see if she had been accepted.  When she got  into her first two choices we she had to accept only one online.  Yesterday we got a letter from the school telling us we would now have to sign her up for classes, but because we are in the private sector we will have to make an appointment to fill out her school schedule.  In the next line it said she would be expected to take the following 6 classes and then 1 chosen elective from a list of 6 choices.  This will need to be done during school hours.  So we need to take Madison out of school so that we can make meet with someone to sign her up for that one class.  No online sign-ups allowed.

I'm exhausted navigating my way through the website and the system, but I each time I see the end it is really only the beginning.  And this is just high school.  In three years it will all have to be done again as we go through the college process.  Which will be here in a snap of my fingers and a blink of my eye...

Connie Foot Photo #15

This time I took the picture from farther away and Nurse Kelly and I agreed that it showed a better prospective.  Connie was a tad worried that it was deeper this week due to one of her home health nurses jamming the wet gauze into it.  It measured 0.4.  Last week was 0.3 so it was deeper.  The Foot God wasn't too concerned with that.  He came in and studied the wound quite intently.  In one spot there was some bone protruding so out came the rongeur.  Knowing what was coming I closed my eyes and stuck my fingers in my ears so that I wouldn't have to hear that clipping sound.

There was a lot of blood after that procedure.  Again, no dermagraft.  The Foot God is looking, but the pickings are slim.  Nurse Michele wrapped her up and off she went again until next week.  Still to stay off the foot, especially after that cutting today.

To get her out of the house for a bit, and because she had a grocery list, I took her to Publix for some shopping and entertainment.  It was very crowded, but she did get one of the motorized scooters so that I wouldn't have to push the wheelchair and the grocery cart.

Pictures and the words that make it worth it

I picked up Darcy at her friend's house and the parents came out and talked to me through the window.  When we had finished babbling and Darcy was in the car, I turned around to back up out of their driveway and found this in the back seat.

My helpful shopper.  At least she didn't drop them on the floor.

Kelly:  "I've always wanted to be a true redneck."

Flat Ewan's time in Florida

"I'm just picking these up off the floor to put into the hamper, jeez."

Darcy:  "We should get this for Aunt Susan.  Please, please, please?"

Pop, pop, pop

When I was a kid getting to share a bowl of popcorn and a coke was a big deal.  We didn't get it that often, but when we did have it while watching a movie or sporting event my mother made the popcorn.  It came out of container and not a bag.  Those of you who know me well know that I do not like fire.  Hot oil cooking on a stove is close enough to constitute fire in my book, and so I never learned how to pop popcorn on the stove.  When Orville started putting his popcorn in a bag that fit in the microwave it was like the greatest invention ever in my book.

My kids have grown up popping their own corn in the microwave.  It isn't something I purchase often, but after spending several summers with their cousin, Austin they were hooked and it was on my grocery list more frequently.  This past Thanksgiving my Auntie Marilyn and her grandchildren visited the area and rented a condo on the beach.  One late afternoon after the kids had come in from the beach Auntie Marilyn popped popcorn the "old fashioned" way.  Both of my kids were fascinated and stood over her watching.  When the family left to go home after the vacation we got the jar of popcorn.  I fully intended never to use it, but stuck it up in a cabinet thinking maybe one day I would be brave enough.

That day came on Saturday.  Madison and I rented a movie and settled on the couch to watch it.  Darcy appeared and plopped down beside us and then announced that we should pop some corn.  Unfortunately, we didn't have any popcorn except for Auntie Marilyn's left over popcorn in a jar.

Me:  "Oh!  I don't want to pop that.  I don't know how to do it.  Well, I do know how its done, but I've never done it.  I'm afraid of fire."
Madison:  "I'll pop it.  Please!  Please, can we?  I'll do it."
Me:  "Okay, okay.  You have to put oil in the pan and heat it and then put in the corn."
Madison:  "I know how to do it.  I watched Aunt Marilyn do it.  I can do it."
Darcy:  "I didn't really like that popcorn.  It's bland."
Me:  "You have to salt it Darcy.  This popcorn is way better."

We read the directions on the jar and measured out the oil and corn.  Madison heated the oil and put in the corn and then attached the lid.  We all three stood and looked at it.

Me:  "We shouldn't watch it just yet because a watched pot never boils."
Darcy:  "We aren't boiling anything.  We're popping popcorn."

The corn began popping and we watched it.  Every once in awhile I lifted the pan off the stove and shook it as I remember watching my own mother do that.  We filled the pan completely with popcorn and just about every kernel popped.  It was so exciting we did it all over again.  Then Madison got down some special popcorn buttery seasoning that Austin had purchased last visit and we sprinkled that and salt over the bowl of popcorn.

It was enjoyed by all.  And I've checked another thing off my list of "to do even though it scares me".

Weekly Slide Photos

In 1972 my family and I took a trip to Canada with my dad's cousin, Betty Rose.  Betty Rose owned a private island north of International Falls with a cabin overlooking the lake.  I have a few memories of this trip and found quite a few slides of this vacation.  Our family drove from Indiana to this area in Canada just north of Minnesota.  We stopped at some tourist places along the way for some Russ photography.

The Smokey the Bear is one of the memories I have from this trip.  Rusty and I climbed up on these bears with our own stuffed animals; Rusty with a dog and me with my baby bear.  I can remember moving from locations on this statue and making Dad take pictures of us with our animals.  Smokey the Bear was very big in our lives.

Story:  Across the street from us behind our two neighbors houses was a hill that led to a small area of trees before opening up into the other neighbors yards.  We considered this area of trees a small woods that we played in.  One morning my neighbor, Mr. Rose, came out on his back patio to see some smoke rising up from these woods behind his house.  He walked toward the smoke and saw my brother (who had a huge fascination with matches) stirring a little fire he had built.  Mr. Rose startled my brother by calling up to him, "What are you doing up there Rusty?"  Immediately, Rusty began stomping on the fire he had built and he called down, "Playing Smokey the Bear!"  He got in big trouble, but the parents were snickering behind his back over that line.

I don't remember the drive there at all.  I don't know if Betty Rose came with us or we met her there.  I do remember that once we got to Canada and the little area where we got groceries we had to be taken to the island by boat.  Betty owned a boat and according to my mother, whose memory isn't so great about this trip either, she kept it with a gentleman in the town.  Connie thinks Betty Rose got her boat and took us all to the island.  I kind of have a memory of being taken to the island by a man.  It will be a mystery unless I see Betty Rose this year at the family reunion and her memory is better then the two of us.

At any rate Betty did have a boat and we did go on the boat to do some fishing.  But before that we somehow got to the island via a boat.

I have a small memory about the island.  I remember some men working on the island, but I'm not sure what they were doing.  It came up once during a conversation about that vacation and I think my dad may have said they brought us groceries or something.  For some reason they gave my brother a coin, a Canadian dollar or something.  They didn't give me anything which is probably why I remember it.

Connie isn't sure when we did this trip in 1972, but she said it was pretty cold while we were there.  She thinks it was in the summer right after we moved to Indiana.  I remember playing down by this area and collecting rocks.

The water was cold.  Rusty was a wimp.  Okay, I don't really remember that part, but just look at him.  And there I am, the expert swimmer out there on the rock playing the mermaid.

Eventually I convinced him to join me.  I do remember that striped bathing suit I was wearing too.  I had that for quite some time.  Odd what things I remember.

This was us waiting for the boat so that we could go out fishing, I think.  And there is Rusty's dog whose name I've forgotten and me with my bear, Teddy.  I was always very creative with naming my animals.

Must have been cold out there on the water fishing.  I have no memory of fishing.  I do remember sleeping in bunk beds in the cabin and singing a song at night when all of the lights were off.  It went like this:

Glack gung went the little green frog one day,

Glack gung went the little green frog.

Glack gung went the little green frog one day,

And his eyes went glack, glack, gung.

And then we would laugh and laugh before falling asleep.  I also remember talking to everyone after the lights went out.  And I remember Betty Rose made great pancakes in the morning and her secret was using water in the mix.  Or maybe it was milk.  Whatever it was it was not what my parents usually used and so there was a big "discussion" over this in the mornings.

The biggest memory I have of that trip was her stash of comic books.  She had piles and piles of Archie comic books that I spent most of my time sitting and reading and reading and reading those comic books while sucking my thumb or eating.  I was determined to read every one of those Archie comic books.  It was the best part of my vacation and my first introduction to comic books and Archie, Veronica, and Betty.  I don't know if I ever read them all, but I asked Betty Rose about 6 years ago what happened to those comic books as they would be worth something.  She didn't know.

I'm throwing this picture in at the end here, not because I remember it, but because it is so arty.  Or at least I think it is.  And Connie looks so happy and so young.  And there is Russ' shadow taking the photo.  Ah, vacations...

Hoping to escape arrest

When I was a kid I was a good kid.

I didn't make waves.  I didn't cause trouble.  I didn't stay out late at night.  I followed the rules.  Just the thought of doing something that might be consider wrong or against the law made me break into a sweat.  I like to say it was the fear of facing my parents that kept me on the straight and narrow, and probably that was part of it, but I just wanted to be a law abiding citizen and not make any waves that would upset people.

Yesterday after visiting the Foot God we were stopped at the stop light right outside the Foot Center.  Connie pointed across the street to a closed down golf course where a magnolia tree stood in full bloom.  The tree was on the golf course property, but also to our left on the other side of a ditch and behind a barrier from the main road.  Connie got all excited and told me to turn left and get her some blossoms off of the tree.  I said there was no where to park and pointed out to her that I would then have to climb over the barrier and jump across the ditch to even get to the tree.  Connie told me I was no fun.

She sat silently while we waited for the light and then pointed out to me, something I had already seen, that I could go straight, pull into the golf course, drive around through the broken down parking lot til I was close to the tree, get out and walk down to the magnolia tree.  She whined about how I never do anything that she wants me to do.  I explained to her my feelings on the matter:

Me:  "That would mean that I would first have to go into a property that is closed."
Connie:  "The parking lot isn't closed off.  I bet people sneak in there and hit golf balls.  I would.  In fact I might just sneak in there and hit golf balls when my foot is healed."
Me:  "Maybe so, but you want me to then drive around, climb out and trespass on the property.  I'm sure there are posted signs about trespassing.  And even if I did that, even if I followed through and trespassed, then I would have to be pulling off blossoms on a tree that is exposed to the main road where everyone will drive past and see me.  I'm not comfortable with people seeing me.  Seeing me trespass no less, but just seeing me and maybe honking or worse recognizing me and honking, and then maybe taking pictures and posting them on youtube.  Then there would be proof of me trespassing and stealing magnolia blossoms.  That is what goes through my head when you tell me to do things like that."
Connie:  "Well, no wonder why you aren't fun.  You need to live a little."

And so just to shut her up, and only because it would give me something to blog about, I did it.  I sneaked into the parking lot and circled around until I was close to the tree area.  I rationed with myself that the trespassing signs on the building were for the building only and I hiked through the rough of the golf course.  As I walked through trees and got closer to the magnolia, animals began scurrying through the brush that covered the ground.  I suddenly wondered if perhaps an alligator might be sunning under the magnolia after climbing up out of the water drainage ditch beside the tree.  I thought it would serve Connie right to loose me to an alligator trying to do something illegal for her.  I wondered if I would scream when he grabbed me and if Connie would even hear me scream.  And since she couldn't come get me even if I did scream,  I tried to remember all the alligator awareness videos I have seen since moving to Florida.

(Yes, I know this isn't an alligator, but it was taken at the alligator farm)

I slowed down and looked around carefully.  I couldn't see the car or Connie anymore, but I could see the road and all of the cars zipping quickly past.  I moved closer to the tree where huge blossoms had bloomed and were open wide to the sun.  Magnolia blossoms are quite sturdy, and I studied the first one closest to me wondering how in the world I was suppose to pick it.  I reached up, apologized to the tree, and snapped off the blossom and part of the branch.  I then proceeded to snap off two more in rapid succession, thanked the tree and then got the hell out of dodge.

I laid the blossoms on the back seat behind Connie.  A big spider leapt out of one of the blossoms and ran out of my vision somewhere into the car.  I spent quite a few moments searching for him, but decided that getting caught trespassing and stealing would be way worse then a spider crawling around in the car.  So I got in the car and drove out of the parking lot.  

We got back to Connie's and in the process of her climbing up the stairs, me carrying up oxygen and the wheelchair, we forgot about the blossoms in the back seat.  It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I remembered the spider which in turn made me remember the blossoms.  They were a tad wilted when I brought them inside, but Connie went to work on reviving them.  Because they were so big she only had one container to float one blossom in and so she put the other two in her kitchen sink.

She was quite happy with her flowers and thrilled with her day of leading her daughter down the path of illegal activity fun entertainment.

I was just happy that I wasn't caught, but now I have to worry about that spider next week, because I am definitely not an animal lover...