4 month 2013 resolution check

It is time once again to check in on how well I'm doing with the resolutions.  I score myself from 1 - 10 and tally up the scores, aiming for a perfect 50 points.  I've yet to ever get that 50, but I keep thinking that I will and that is what is important.

1. To get down to a certain weight (which will not be mentioned here for all to see) by eating healthy and exercising - Hmmm...this is a tough one.  The diet went out the window during all of the mother health scares, but the weight kept shredding and I didn't gain.  I didn't exercise during this period.  What to do, what to do in the scoring department.  I don't feel it can be perfect, but since I did continue loosing I suppose I'll keep it somewhat high.  Score:7
2. To organize my schedule, my desk, my home, and finish the scanning/organizing of photos.  That means getting rid of stuff and boxing up and storing other stuff. -This one I've worked harder at then the last check-in.  My iphone keeps me organized via scheduling and I did work on organizing and scanning photos because Darcy needed her life done for a school project.  My desk is fairly clean and I've been "flying" in the bathrooms.  Score: 7
3. To work on my patience and try to not be so uptight.  To channel my inner Sharons, two people who I think handle life calmly -Still feel I'm doing well with this one, although with the stress I might have lost a point.  Score: 6
4. To get into couponing to save money - The digital coupons at my local grocery is SO nice.  Now if I can only get them to offer more coupons that benefit me!  I have to confess that I cut out a $10 savings on $50 of groceries and then left it at home when I went to shop.  I'm still kicking myself for that one.   Score:  5
5. To contribute more articles to Yahoo and Google and try to earn some cash - Nope.  Haven't written daily.  Haven't finished my online classes.  Have sucked at this one. Score:0

Total:  25 out of 50 points - I will have to stop using my mother and stress as an excuse.  My mother's life is such that I've got to learn to juggle our two lives.  Hopefully with the help of caregivers in her home this will free me up to continue on my resolution path to a perfect score!

Recent life in pictures

**We live in Florida and with that comes sharing our house with critters of the region; cockroaches and lizards.  One I can live with and the other I can not.  I don't like lizards in my house, but I'll take them over the cockroaches.  Recently we had a lizard come in through the open back door.  I figured Elliot would find him eventually, but apparently, that didn't happen.

Most of the time the lizards don't live long without some source of water and since this lizard seemed to always hang out on or around my desk I kept figuring I would find him dried out and dead on the window sill.  I was wrong. Madison and Darcy find him at various times during the day sitting and chilling on Darcy's bed.  Somewhere between the playroom and her bedroom, it was getting some type of refreshment.

I was getting used to him (or her) and had just about decided to name him after spending a day with him at my desk.  I felt bad for him when he would jump from window to window and peer longingly outside at his relatives and friends, but every time I would try to open the window he would jump somewhere else.  We only had issues when he would pop up too close for comfort on my tape dispenser or stapler or scurry across the desk, his little paws and tail making scratchy noises on the papers over my desk.

Eventually, Darcy had enough of him.  She tried to capture him with a container, but he led her on a chase all over my desk with her screaming and hopping around from one foot to another.  She lost him behind my desk and armed herself with the pole to my mop where she tried to direct him toward the open door leading to our patio. 

He instead felt he had a good thing going and ran in the opposite direction of the door.  That's where he made his first mistake!  Elliot, who was roaming around the patio, came in to see what Darcy was mopping, saw the lizard running on the carpet, and chased him under my Steelers rug.  He pawed at him for some time until the lizard escaped into our closet.  Darcy finally got him out of the closet where he hopped on to a wire shopping cart out of the dog's way.  Darcy picked up the cart and put it outside where little Lizzy hopped down and scurried away, leaving us lizard free for the time being.

**I found this on a recent walk with Elliot and thought it the tail of a dinosaur that obviously roams our neighborhood.  Perhaps I've had too much lizard on my mind lately.

**This is Madison in 2009 before she got braces.

This is Madison in 2013 after she got the braces off.

Not quite the 2 1/2 years we were told it would take, but I never trusted that in the first place having spent 7 years dealing with my own teeth.

**Our neighborhood has been overrun with bunnies lately.  There is one who lives at my next door neighbor's house that Elliot likes to flush out in the evenings.  There are several running around across the street that has Elliot forgetting why he came outside in the first place.

To age or not to age

To celebrate it's 50th anniversary General Hospital producers, yes I'm still talking about GH, brought back as many old characters and actors they could find and afford to pay. It is one of the reason I began watching again several months ago. So many of my favorites passed through the doors of the renovated hospital bringing back great memories, but all I could think was, "seriously these people have aged!"

General Hospital isn't the only show that is bringing back the elderly past.  On a recent episode of the remake of the nighttime soap opera Dallas it took me a good five minutes to identify one of the characters as Lee Majors, the Six Million Dollar man back in the day. Obviously the robot work done on his body didn't withstand the test of time as he is now paunchy and limping, not to mention balding. It depressed me. Steve Austin. Heath Barkley. Gone was the youth, vitality, and looks that had me girl crushing him as a teenager.  

At first I gasped and shook my head in disbelief at what time and the addition of high definition television had done, but somewhere along the line I began to realize that some of the characters were my age or slightly older. After that realization came the one that if they looked like that what must I look like? It was an awakening of sorts. While I know that I've been aging all these years, in my head I'm still that girl in my twenties. Part of that misconception comes from avoiding mirrors and not turning on lights, but mostly I've ignored it, until these shows began trotting out my past.  Now I've had to add my own aging to the horror list that includes my kids aging.

Time is passing me by.  Once I worried about finding love and fantasized that would be with Tom Selleck, who has aged fairly well, but is well, seriously old.  Now I worry about my kids not wanting my kisses and hugs.  Once I worried about acne.  Now I worry about wrinkles.  Once I worried about the girls getting enough to eat, getting enough sleep, and getting through the day uninjured.  Now I worry about them bringing home boys, driving, and leaving home.  How did things go by so quickly?  It seems like yesterday I lived in Indiana with my parents.  I was shocked when someone asked me how long I've lived in Florida and I added up the 24 years and realized I've lived here longer than I lived in Indiana.  My husband and I just celebrated our 19th year anniversary.  I feel like we just got married a few years ago.

There isn't anything I can do about it.  Time ticks away and with each second I lose a little something of my girls, my body, my life.  I suppose I could change my looks with some work if I could afford it, but after seeing some of the plastic surgery done on the actors of GH and Dallas I think I'll pass on that.  I've never been a beauty and I've never been on television so at least I don't have to look at myself today in high definition on someone's television and wonder what happened.  I'll just peer into a mirror and sigh.

Out of the mouths of my babes

Me:  "Did either one of you eat breakfast this morning?"

Darcy:  "I did."

Me:  "Right.  What?  Let me guess.  A poptart."

Darcy:  "Maybe."

Me:  "Did you eat fruit with it at least?"

Darcy:  "It was a cherry poptart so yes."

Life under construction

I haven't been posting due to unforeseen circumstances involving my mother.  She has since March 7th been in and out of hospitals and rehabs and is now once again in the hospital fighting an infection.  She is doing fairly well, as well as can be expected for a woman with Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).  My mother was a smoker, and despite quitting almost thirty years ago, the damage has already been done to her lungs.  She has flare-ups, usually pneumonia only this last time it was bronchitis, and she has to be treated with antibiotics and inhalers.  It is a scary way to live hoping that you don't lose the air that you so preciously need to survive.

On the anniversary of my father's death we almost lost my mother.  I can now joke about him pushing her back down from above because he has peace and quiet now, but at the time it was a daunting experience.  She had been in rehab doing quite well when she contracted pneumonia the day before she was to leave to go home.  The rehab staff wasn't so sure there was anything wrong, but all of that changed when I arrived to find her unresponsive in bed.  Suddenly it was like a scene from a medical show with the rapid response team rushing to her bedside thumping on her chest, calling out medical data, and starting IV's.  She was rushed out of the room encircled on all sides of her bed by the medical team and I was left standing in her empty room surrounded by her belongings.  The silence was haunting.

I have been preparing myself for my mother's death for some time now.  She isn't a healthy woman and the condition she has isn't going away.  There are days I have rushed to her house unable to get her on the phone.  There are days I have arrived at her house to find the lights off and the morning paper still at the door.  Those are the days where I have taken a deep breath and told myself that this might be the day she has decided to quit.  I'm as prepared then as anyone can be upon finding a dead loved one. 

That night in the ER the doctor talked to be about having to intubate her, but I wasn't really understanding him at that time.  I always think that these hospitals know that she doesn't want life support, but now I understand that they need paperwork.  My mother was coming in and out of consciousness and reality.  Her eyes were rolling around in her head quickly at times and shut more often then open.  Her blood pressure was low at 66/33.  Eventually I began to wrap my head around the things the doctor had told me and then I hunted him down and asked for another explanation.  He was kind.  "We have done all that we can for her," he told me.  "It is up to her now."  He talked again about the intubation and I told him she was a DNR and had paperwork.  That was taken off the table.  He told me to tell my brother to come to Florida.

My mother rallied.  She gripes about it at times now, but she isn't ready to die yet.  Yes, she is in pain.  Yes, her quality of life isn't good.  Yes, she is miserable most of the time.  But deep down she isn't ready to give it all up.  She has her children and her grandchildren and her Netflix.  I'm not sure what keeps her going, but I feel that when she has had enough she will stop fighting.  That night she fought when I told her she was sick, that she could either fight or not, that her son was on the way but wouldn't arrive until tomorrow.  It didn't take long after that conversation for her to start coming around.  She spent five days in ICU and five days in a regular room before moving to rehab once again.

She came home Monday night.  Friday afternoon we were calling 911 and back in the ER all over again.  One time this happened she was in and out of the hospital for months.  She had been hospital free for a little over a year and she was lucky there.  This is just the way this disease goes.  Eventually it will kill her.  I'm not ready to lose my mother, but I'm also realistic.  The doctor in the second ER said she had had a good life.  My friend Kelly, who dropped everything to sit with me for nine hours, looked at him in disbelief and said, "She's only 78 years old!".  As we get older 78 looks younger. 

Dealing with my parents I realize life is passing us all by.  I'm trying to do what's right for my mother and my children and my husband.  It isn't easy.  There are days I scream and rant.  There are days I cry.  There are days I enjoy so much I want to hold them there forever.  Finding a balance between it all is difficult.  I just try to tell myself to live and love, take it one day at a time. 

Out of the mouths of my babes

Darcy: "I'm all packed."

Me: "With everything? Even tampons and pads in case you menstruate?"

Tom: "Menstruate? What's that? I mean, is that what you call it? How you say it?"

Darcy: "Well Dad, it is something that occurs monthly that let's me know I'm not pregnant, which is a good thing. Unless you are trying to have a baby and then it wouldn't be a good thing I guess, but it is bloody and messy and frankly if you ask me I think it would be easier if Mother Nature just texted us each month."

Happy 50th General Hospital

My love for soap operas came about in the 70's when I wasn't even in double digits age-wise.  I discovered All my Children when my car pool dropped me off at home after swim team practice and my mother was not yet home.  No parental supervision meant turning on the television and at noon there wasn't much selection to chose from the four channels we got back then.  I found myself caught up in the intrigue and the relationships for a half an hour each day.  My mother did not watch soap operas and was extremely horrified when my summer obsession grew with my age.

I was introduced to General Hospital in 1978.  I was at my friend Kelly's house and she and her sister spent considerable time explaining the characters and their backgrounds so that I could add this soap, along with One Life to Live, to my must see TV.  The storyline that day was the one in which Lesley Webber was taking the rap for a murder her daughter Laura committed.  I've been a General Hospital fan ever since.

It was the right time to be a part of General Hospital. The soap had young actors and actresses with story lines teenagers ate up, the VCR was becoming a staple in households that allowed school age kids to stay abreast, and Gloria Monty was just coming aboard as the new producer with her visions that would shake up the soap industry.  Monty's introduction of Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, played by actor Anthony Geary, saved the low rated show and set the precedent for the changes to the industry.

Never had there been a character as wild and crazy, yet sensitive and caring as Luke. Originally brought on he show as a temporary character, Geary's portrayal of Luke Spencer wormed his way into households, women's hearts, and eventually a full time contract as he skated the edge of darkness and pursued Laura Webber.  The Luke & Laura phenomenon was quick explosive and Monty took the characters out of the hospital and put them in adventures in exotic locations.  The viewers ate it up.

I remember where I was the day that Luke and Laura got married, November 17, 1981.  General Hospital came on at 2:00 pm. in my home town which was before we got out of school.  I was able to get out of my seventh period and my friend Robin and I rushed to my house to watch the episode that is still to this day the highest ranked episode for a soap opera.  That episode, watched by 30 million people, and ranked by TV Guide as one of their "100 Most Memorable TV Moments" had us reaching for tissues and then screaming at the very end when Scotty Baldwin returned to catch the bride's bouquet.  I was sitting on the ottoman when Baldwin appeared, yelling to Robin who was in the bathroom, to hurry up as the commercial had ended.  I can remember banging on the door to alert her to the fact that Baldwin had ruined the big wedding.

I loved reading serial books that kept telling the adventures of the characters and a soap opera was just like that.  While I gave up on the other two ABC soaps I stayed true to GH and have watched it off and on over the past 30+ years.  I have gotten annoyed during periods and quit watching for months, but as the Internet age evolved I would stay tuned in by reading the episode recaps and or by having my friends fill me in.

This past year soap operas have been cancelled due to low ratings and advertising and the thought that GH wouldn't be around much longer had me tuning back in and jumping on the bandwagon to save it.  Changes were made at the helm and the new crew has done a terrific job in celebrating GH's fifty years on the air, bringing back so many favorites from my youth.  Now both my children have joined me in watching the show.  Despite my mother's horror at that, I would love for GH to continue another fifty years for them to enjoy, make fun of, and remember time spent with their old mother watching the soaps.

Happy 50th General Hospital!  

My favorite couple - That would be hard to narrow down as GH was the master with the supercouple.  Luke and Laura, of course, are the first and if I had to pick one I would choose them.  But after I would say Robert and Anna and Frisco and Felicia.

My favorite character - Robert Scorpio played by Tristan Rogers, although Anthony Geary is right there as well.  These two actors do the best job of impromptu, off script, acting that is just fun to watch.

My favorite heart wrenching storyline - Would have to be hands down the death of Barbara Jean Jones in a bus accident while her cousin is dying and needing a heart transplant in the same hospital.  The moment Felicia learns that her daughter's heart is coming from her niece....stunning.  When BJ's father Tony hears his daughter's heart beating inside his niece's body....stunning.  

My favorite switching of supercouples - Holly and Robert.  When Anthony Geary was paired with Emma Samms I was not a fan.  Then Geary left the soap for awhile and the writers had Samms' character Holly paired with Roger's Robert.  The storyline was believable and the chemistry was fabulous.  Then there was the excitement when Luke returned to find that his woman was married and in love with his best friend.

My favorite public service storyline - All the soaps climbed on board with doing stories that were relevant to the day's headlines.  The AIDS story with Robin Scorpio and Stone Cates was done so well by the GH writers and showed that the virus wasn't always a death sentence as Robin Scorpio has lived for the past eighteen years with the virus.

My favorite fun scenes - The Nurses Ball were some of the most fun, and I'm thrilled that they have brought it back this year.  I also loved Ned Quartermaine as Eddy Maine.

My least favorite supercouple - Anna and Duke.  I was never a Duke Lavery fan.  Anna belongs with Robert.

My least favorite reason why a character left - I hated the way they made Frisco, and eventually Felicia, leave.  Neither character would have ever left their children no matter what.

My idea that would have been better had the writers known about it - I always wanted to have Sonny and Jason working secretly undercover for either the police or the WSB in the mob.  Think how poetic it would have been when Sonny and Brenda had their double cross storyline to have it come out that Sonny was actually an agent?