Out of the mouths of babes

I recently took on the job of picking up my friend SueG's child from the bus stop. He attends a magnet school outside his zone thus the bus stop is two and a half miles away. Her husband used to have this job, but he is working a new job and is unable to get away and SueG works the night shift, leaving before the child gets home. Depending on her schedule I pick him up two or three days a week. He is in the seventh grade, short and stocky in build, and very quiet.

Last week Darcy had her district swim meet south of here. Our school was hosting the event and so I was working it and was unable to pick up Alex. We tried to think of solutions, but in the end he had to walk the two and a half miles home carrying his thousand pound backpack that I can't even lift. It took him fifty minutes. Since I hadn't seen him since his big walk I was eager to get the low down yesterday when I picked him up.

Me: "Hey, buddy."

Alex: "Hi."

Me: "How was school?"

Alex: "Fine."

Me: "You seem tired. Are you tired?"

Alex: "Not really."

Me: "I forgot to ask you. How was the walk home last week?"

Alex: "Arduous."

Me: "Can you spell that?"

Alex: "A-r-d-u-o-u-s"

Me: "Okay, then."

Step in or step back?

Teen drama has entered our house and in this day and age of bullying and social media it is hard to decide what to be truly concerned about and what to be left to the teen to handle on her own. Teen drama back in my day, now considered the ancient age of no electronic devices, caller i.d., and remoteless television, was handled by us teens and mostly kept from our parents' prying eyes and ears. Nowadays parents are suppose to keep on top of that sort of stuff, tiptoeing near doors to listen in on phone calls and monitoring text messages, facebook, and twitter.

I'm one of the fortunate. My girls talk to me. I feel I'm clued in on most of what happens with them although I think the eldest is more quiet than the younger. With my first born drama is usually school work related and being overwhelmed. She isn't as forthcoming as her sister whose issues are more vast and run the gamut from tiny to humongous. My baby is my social butterfly who wants to have multitudes of friends who like her and she wants to have a life much like the lives of the teens she watches on television. Reality for her in this sense is knocking her down.

Her freshman year she told me she liked this boy. Turned out that he liked her, and so after a lot of talking everything through we agreed they could "date". That meant holding hands during school and meeting up occasionally at after school events. We met his parents and we spent some time with him when he would show up for her sporting events. His parents happened to be friends of my Steelers buddy and happened to be from my hometown in Indiana. It was all very innocent and I made sure that the lines of communication were open at all times. Plus I tiptoed around listening in on conversations whenever I heard her voice. Just in case.

They way I observed things was that it was all good in the beginning. All the kids hung out in groups back then and everyone was friends, but eventually some of the boys started offering up relationship advice to the beau, who would text her to discuss where they should be headed. Instead of just relaxing and going along for the ride he let others dictate how he and she should be acting, and by the time summer was halfway through he was consumed with what others thought. When the first months of the new school year didn't get better in his eyes he became demanding over text messages, telling her she wasn't a good person. Drama ensued. The boys and some of the girls were on one side and other girls were with my daughter on her side. It became this he said, she said that parents consider nonsense, but that is the end of the world for teens. I remember. Everything back then was so blown up in proportion and so life altering. Eventually my kid had to call it quits because she was so unhappy that her stomach was constantly in knots and she spent more time crying in her room then she did on schoolwork.

Of course that wasn't the end of it because the beau won't let it go. Or others won't let him let it go. Or whatever it is that is causing nasty rumors to swell and be tossed around by students that aren't even people my kid considers friends. Next came information about unflattering pictures with sexual comments being circulated via messenger. To hear all of this you would think that nothing is getting done that is school related because all of these kid' time is taken up with this couples' business. Yesterday I had enough. My daughter came home on the bus, opened the door, and fell into my arms sobbing. I listened and then became a mama bear. I gave her one week, at her request, to deal with this guy and then I was calling his parents, or if necessary, would bring it to the school's attention.

It is a whole different world from the one I grew up in. Bullying is a serious crime today with kids ending their lives because of harassment from school mates and others coming after the bullies with retaliation that escalates into violence. Social media adds to the ease of knocking someone down, and issues are circulated quickly and instantly. School officials and parents are having to redefine what they thought they knew about kids. When do we intervene? What is too much? Is it better to let the child handle situations or step in and take over? It is hard when your child doesn't want you involved. Again, I'm lucky. My child keeps me in the loop and wants my help to either knock around ideas on solving issues or to just listen to her vent.

When I was in high school I had a neighbor boy who harassed me. He would write in chalk on the back of my chair so that the word would come off on my jacket when I leaned back in it. He would follow me off of the bus and yell insults at me. I had no idea what set him off. He wasn't someone that I even talked to or hung out with. I ignored him. I ignored what he did and said for weeks, but finally one day I had enough. I turned around and came back at him and then I told my parents. I told them that if they didn't do something that I would and I couldn't guarantee what that would be. I remember being very dramatic because it was that important to me. The next day my dad went to school and met with the counselor. The kid never spoke to me or harassed me ever again. It was as if it had never happened.

My child has asked that I respect her wishes. I told her that I would give her that week to deal with things, but that if at the end of the week it was still as bad as it is now then I was taking over. It is a compromise I guess. A learning curve for both of us. I hope we are doing the right thing.

NFL Monday morning recap - week #8

Steelers: Holy Bumble Bees! What a game! Glad it came out with a win on our end, but to be perfectly honest with everyone I felt the win all week. We  play well in those uniforms at home. We do. Seriously. I LOVE those uniforms and I don't care what anyone says about them.

Throwback Uniforms - I guess I already talked about those above, but I'll mention them again. I don't know why everyone hates them. I don't think they are that awful. At one point the Steelers wore those stripes going in the opposite direction making them look like jailers so...

Big Ben - First and only quarterback to have multiple (2) 500+ yard games. Woo Hoo. He was a beast yesterday throwing for 522 yards, going 40 of 49, and finishing with six touchdowns. He was 33 yards shy of the all time record, but the Steelers ran the ball with a little over two minutes left in the game. He was quick in the pocket and really only had to scramble a couple of times, one time practically shaking off a defender who was holding his leg. I bet he practices that at home with his son.

Post Game Conference - Humble Ben. He looked good and said everything right. "Like I said it's not me. Those guys gave me time up front and everyone else made plays." He has come a long way.

Offensive Line - I always yell at them in this column/blog entry so this time I shall bow down to the greatness they showed yesterday. It was incredible. They gave Ben so much time that he was so relaxed and patient in the pocket. That was some awesome protection of the quarterback.

William Gay Dance - The cornerback intercepted Colts Andrew Luck and took the ball 33 yards into the end zone for a touchdown and then because he was so pumped to have finally done something right that he began, uh, dancing? He did this little short step strut on his tip toes with his hands up by his helmet like he had antennas. The NFL Network's Amber Theoharis called it the Funky Wasp. I actually got up after that pick and danced with him. Oh, yes I did!

James Harrison - If you are going to argue that you still have game in you, then showing that you do is key. Welcome back James Harrison!

Antonio Brown - As always this man is money. He had two catches, one in the end zone, that were again phenomenal. I don't know how these guys make these catches, but this guy is one of the top five for sure. And I shook his hand in Pittsburgh when I was there.

Martavis Bryant - Well, Welcome to Pittsburgh buddy. Hoping he does more of what he did today; making key catches and scoring touchdowns to take the heat off of Brown.

Safety - Andrew Luck got tripped up on the five yard line, fell backward with the ball in the end zone, and hoping no one noticed threw it away. Unfortunately no one was around in the vicinity of where he threw the ball and even if there had been someone there video showed that Luck couldn't see a damn thing when he threw the ball. Either way it was ruled intentional grounding and since he was lying back in the end zone it was a safety and the Steelers upped their score by two points.

Phil and Jim - These two announcers rub me wrong; Phil Simms and Jim Nantz. Too much lip.

Andrew Luck - I like him. I don't like his beard. Dude, you are so good and you will end up being one of the greats. Set a standard yourself and stop copying all that beard nonsense. You look like a little kid playing dress up with a dead animal tail.

Others:

Celebrating - I've said it once, and by golly I'll say it again: Stop celebrating as you run toward the end zone. Yesterday during the Bills game receiver Sammy Watkins started celebrating his touchdown before he, well, made said touchdown and he was brought down short of making that touchdown. And while I'm griping about that, what is with everyone looking behind them to see how close defenders are? When I was a swim coach I forbid swimmers from rolling their heads to the side to see where their opponents were. Why? Keep your eyes straight ahead and focus. Jeez, run like a maniac with a knife is behind you. Think Freddie Kruger! Run like your life depends on it to the end zone and stop checking out where everyone else is.

JETS - One of the fans was wearing a shirt with the JETS on it and next to each letter it said: J-ust E-ndure T-he S-uffering. Nothing was more suffering then having to watch the Jets try a trick play by having T.J. Graham lying in the end zone during a kick off. I guess the plan was for the receiver to catch the ball and then throw it to Graham, but seriously? Are the Jets really that desperate? Did they think that the Bills wouldn't notice someone lying down on the field? Sadly, the play did not work and the Jets lost again.

Tampa - Fumble in overtime to lose the game after coming back from zero after half time. Sad, sadder, and just plain sobbing. Hold the ball! The NFL has two new things that stand out now; quarterbacks throwing more and guys trying to pop the ball out of hands. Squeeze that ball like it's your baby, would you?

England - I forgot all about this yearly gig for two teams until I realized my recorder wasn't recording Fox's pre-game show. I turned on the television and got to see the last ten minutes and Detroit beat the Falcons in London. I find the whole lets travel across the ocean for one week thing odd, but the stands are always crowded and boy, did the fans get a game. The Lions missed the go ahead field goal with four seconds on the clock, but oops a penalty. The penalty was actually on the Lions for delay of game which put them 5 yards back and gave them a re-do. This time the Lions kicker Prater made it and bam game over.

Chicago - Every year a team has issues in the locker room and on the field and this year it looks like the Bears. Last week we had the whole Brandon Marshall yelling in the locker room and this week we have Lamarr Houston celebrating in the fourth quarter for sacking, not Tom Brady, but his back-up. He started acting like he had stopped a huge play for the win, (the score was 48-23 with the Bears on the losing side of that) skipping and jumping, and when he came down from that big jump he injured himself and had to be carted off the field. Word is he is scheduled for an MRI on his knee and it doesn't look good. So pitiful. More nonsense celebrating.

Jay Cutler - Terry Bradshaw wants him to smile and have some fun on the field. I just want him to throw away that jacket he was wearing at his post game conference. I didn't find it a good luck. Perhaps he needs to take note of Steelers Antonio Brown's look from his post game conference from Monday night.

NFL picks week 8

Last Week - 10 - 5

Overall - 66 - 39

Broncos over Chargers - This should be a sling fest between two top quarterbacks, but as anyone who reads my blogs knows, Denver's Peyton Manning is the best so I'm going with him.

Detroit over Atlanta - At some point the Falcons are going to win again. This might be the week as the Lions sometimes come to play and sometimes don't. But I'll stick with the better team and hope the Lions play like they did last week.

Baltimore over Cincinnati - Should I or shouldn't I? If the Bengals hadn't beaten the Ravens in game one I would have taken them since they haven't won a game since game 3. But they didn't. So I'm taken the Ravens who hate getting smacked down twice within the division.

Houston over Tennessee - The Texans will fix those mistakes they made on Monday night against the Steelers.

St. Louis over Kansas City - My wildcard game. The pre-game shows have them and sometimes I have them. I like what St. Louis is doing with their team of misfits.

New England over Chicago - Tom Brady against a locker room full of men who are annoyed at themselves, each other, and their quarterback? Snore.

Buffalo over the Jets - Another boring game except for fans. The Jets could get lucky. Maybe I should have gone with that same at-some-point-surely-they-will-win-a-game feeling I have with Atlanta, but...nah.

Tampa Bay over Minnesota - The Bucs want to fix what is wrong. I'm not so sure that will ever happen this year, but I think they can pull out a win here at home this week.

Seattle over Carolina - The Seahawks won't lose today.

Miami over Jacksonville - Good for the Jags. They got the monkey off their back last week with a win. They won't get that this week.

Philadelphia over Arizona - The Eagles could come off the bye week sleepy on the road. This should be the game of the week with both teams at 5-1. I'm not sure why I took the Eagles, but I did.

Cleveland over Oakland - The Browns got beat by a losing team last week. They won't let that happen again this week at home.

Pittsburgh over Indianapolis - Okay, so I'm crazy. Maybe I'm still on the high from Monday night's game. The Steelers are looking for an identity. They are running around the field all willy nilly wondering what is happening, but every once in awhile they come together enough to pull out a win. I'm hoping this happens tonight because I'm already getting texts from Hoosier family making comments about my Terrible Towel becoming a crying towel. Talkin' smack a whole week early...

Green Bay over New Orleans - Are the Saints still marching on? That whole division just puts me to sleep and as long as the Packers play their game this should be another one in the bag for them.

Dallas over Washington - Maybe the Skins will give them a game. This could be fun. I just went with the Cowboys who have a better record, a stability at quarterback (cough), and are playing at home.

5 things to start the weekend

1. I'm tired of people asking me about Madison and her college applying. I have nothing to say to these people. Last week I actually had a women demand that I have her apply to Vanderbilt University because her son got a full ride there. Kudos to her kid, but my child hasn't shown an interest in Tennessee. That didn't stop this woman from shrieking at me about what she thought my child needed to do. Listen people. While I am happy to help my child when she asks for it, and occasionally throw in my two cents of schools, Carnegie Mellon University, this is something she has got to do herself. She has to pick where she wants to live the next four years of her life, not me. Although if she went to Carnegie Mellon I would visit her faithfully every time the Steelers had a home game. Promise.
2. The Ebola crisis has got my youngest scared to death. She is not one to worry about sickness, but suddenly she is concerned that this virus is going to affect one of her loved ones. She admitted this the other day after I made plane reservations for myself for a trip to Indiana. She told me she is just terrified of having to fly to South Carolina for Thanksgiving and couldn't she just stay at home with our housedog sitter? I told her that if she learned the country that she lived in she would see that where we are traveling is only eight hours away by car and that we have opted for that option instead of spending $$$ to fly and rent a car. Whew. She was so relieved. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the virus isn't carried by airplanes.
3. This month I have killed it on the remembering birthdays on time. I have gotten cards out on time. I have gotten gifts sent out on time. I have texted wishes on time. I am so proud of myself that I'm taking next month off.
4. I like to organize and have helped several friends do just that. Recently I helped my friend clean and organize her kitchen. It took all day, but we reorganized her walk-in pantry, her cabinets, and her counter tops. While her husband acted as if nothing was different when he came home from work, her children couldn't stop talking about it all evening. Just wait until I do the same to their rooms this weekend.
5. My friend sent me the video about the Potty-mouthed Princesses that the company FCKH8 made to sell T'shirts promoting feminism. The premise is that society should not be worried about little girls cursing, but instead should be fighting for gender equality. First of all, I found the video funny and powerful, but secondly, I also found it overboard and self promoting. Which it probably meant to be all of that as it is selling a product. I think the princess idea was right on, but the word itself is more powerful if used less instead of more and would have made the message stronger. But shock value gets people watching and more people watching gets the product out there for purchase. Kudos to the company though for donating $5 of every purchase to worthwhile projects. Supposedly the company has already donated over $250,000 so somewhere someone knows what they are doing.

Out of touch and not liking it one bit

I lost my Iphone for the first time. Well, that statement isn't true since I lose the damn thing all the time in and around the house, but I meant it as I actually lost it somewhere outside my house/car range far, far, away. It was a terrible feeling.

I keep my cell phone in my front pants pocket all during the day. It is there now while I type this. Since I own three pairs of the same jean shorts and wear them all most every day I have no problem, but on the days that I wear my workout clothes or my other pair of shorts with no pockets (why did I buy these) I have issues with my phone. On this day I had worked out and had opted not to shower as the day was so nice that I came home and sat outside by my pool. By the time I was suppose to climb into a car to pick up kids it was too late to change and so I just carried my cell phone with me in the car. From the school we ran to Sam's Club. I went to a different Sam's Club then the one I usually go to because I thought this one was closer to school and because I figured I wouldn't run into anyone I knew on that side of town dressed as I was with sweaty workout hair.

That is some foreshadowing there, of course, because the distance from my house to the club is farther and because I did run into someone I knew, someone who is drop dead gorgeous no matter what she is wearing and who looked exceptionally beautiful on this day. Of course. My phone was in my purse up until I ran into this friend at which point I removed it to show her a picture. I remember carrying it with me up to the check out, but after that is a blank.

I paid. I took my receipt, and because you can't get out of the door without it, I had to keep it in my hand. I also had my club card in my hand. From there we stood in line to get some pretzels for the girls. That in turn gave me another receipt. At that point Darcy reminded me that she had swim practice. She has had swim practice every day at the same time since before school started yet it never crossed my mind. We are in a carpool and I'm the leg that takes the girls to practice. Now I realized that I was far from home, practice started in twenty minutes, and my hands were full of cups, napkins, lids, receipts, and cards.

The line to fill the drinks and then the line to get out seemed endless. By that point I was coming unhinged, panicking at having forgotten swim practice and panicking because I needed to get her to swim practice. We left. I drove south at a speed that was probably faster than normal, picked up the carpool, drove home and dumped out Madison and waited while Darcy changed. From there I drove to practice. We were fifteen minutes late which actually put me closer to the time that I had to pick up my friend's child at his bus stop not far from practice. I drove there and wondered what I would do to kill the time until the bus came having forgotten my normal book. I figured I would play on my phone.

That is the first time I thought about the phone. Immediately I remembered it was in my purse. I pulled off of the road to wait, shut off the car, and prepared to relax. I pulled up my purse from its position on the car floorboard and opened it for my phone. There was no phone. What? I dug some more. I began to feel the panic creeping in. I patted my non existent pockets. I looked in the console between the seats of my car. OMG! My phone! My phone was gone! I had lost my phone! Full panic mode hit me.

My life is in that phone! Immediately, I reached for my phone to call Madison to see if she had my phone. But of course I didn't have a phone to reach for to call anyone. Hopelessness. Despair. I can't call anyone! I looked at the time and contemplated speeding home to see if Madison had picked it up. I was desperately racking my brain, rewinding my last half an hour of life. All I could come up with was my full hands of receipts and cards and cups. I had to have lost it at Sam's. My guess was at the register.

The wait for the bus was a long one when in reality it was mere minutes. This bus is a crazy stop with a different substitute driving the bus daily so that the time of arrival is anyone's guess. The time is suppose to be 4:40, but the earliest has been 4:25 and the latest 5:30. The ironic thing about me sitting and waiting for the bus with my phone being lost was that two days previous I had sat with my friend at the phone store helping her to purchase a phone for the kid I was waiting to pick up. Where we discussed whether or not to purchase insurance on whether or not he would lose the phone.

By the time the bus pulled up and the kid got into my car I was a maniac as I'm known to get. But I didn't want to scare this poor kid who is still in middle school so I tried to remain calm while I explained my situation. He was sweet. In a calm voice, much like Madison would have done, he went over my last few hours asking me if I had gone home after Sam's, had I checked my purse thoroughly, where was the purse now, etc. At his house I called Madison who did not have my phone. I yelled at her to find it, hung up on her, said good-bye to the kid, and raced back to my car. Only as I drove home, telling myself that it was just a phone and that my family was safe and sound, did I think that I could have just dialed my phone number instead of Madison. And then I reached for my phone to call my phone and panicked all over again because Holy-Mother-of-God-I-had-no-way-of-reaching-people!

I raced through my front door to find Madison calmly playing the piano.  She stopped and informed me that Sam's had my phone. I know I heard what she said, but it was like I couldn't turn myself off. I was heading to the computer to look up the app that would tell me where the thief I knew had my phone was living with my phone. I was halfway to said computer before her words registered and I stopped. And immediately burst into tears.

Madison had called the number and a Sam's employee had answered and informed her the phone was at customer service no worries. I put on a pair of pants with pockets, got back into my car and drove back to practice to pick up the carpool again because the mother who normally did that leg of it had a hair appointment. At practice I had to actually park and get out and go in to get the girls because I had no way of texting that I was there. Sigh. How do people do this? After dropping off the girls, I got back into my car and headed back to Sam's to get my phone.

The round trip took me an hour in traffic, but it gave me time to calm down. The phone was with a supervisor and I refrained from kissing it when she handed it to me. I put it into my pants pocket and proceeded to pick up an item I had forgotten earlier when shopping there. The trip back home was much more relaxed and I thought about the good ole days when we didn't carry our lives in our phones nor our phones on our person. And that made me feel old and I dripped some more tears down the cheeks before I got a grip, took a deep breath, and drove up into my driveway safe and sound and once again connected.

2014 Fall TV Preview

Every year I get excited when the new fall season of television starts. What will catch my fancy? What writers will blow my mind? Lately, though I've been discouraged as networks don't give many shows a chance. Still I keep on watching. Here are my ratings, after trying to watch each show more than once, from 1-10 of the new shows.

• Forever - This show is pretty much like every other autopsy/medical examiner show, and like all those other shows it has its own spin. The spin in this one is that the examiner can't die. He is shot, knifed, hit by cars, etc. and always awakens naked in water alive. I love medical examiner shows having been a fan of Quincy, Crossing Jordan, Body of Proof, and now Unforgettable, and Rizzoli & Isles, and I like this show too. The whole unable to die thing is interesting because it explains why this guy is so intelligent and knowledgeable, hell the man has lived through centuries. I like Judd Hirsch in the role as his son, a twist I didn't see coming, and it gives the show some depth that might not otherwise be there. Rating: 7
• Black-ish - I'm not much into comedy, unless the writing is sharp and witty, and I don't find that many comedies have that. This comedy had huge hype, and I really wanted to love it, but after the first episode I had some doubts. That is why I watch an episode again, and I'm glad I did because this comedy is funny, has good acting, and the writing is above par. Rating: 8
• Mysteries of Laura - Here is another show that got better after its pilot. I really almost gave up on this show after that first episode where Debra Messing's television twins were so obnoxious and naughty that I just knew these kids were going to grow up as sociopaths. The writer must not have kids and is projecting his/her hateful feelings into these two hellions, but get past that part of the show and it is entertaining. Messing plays a cop and she is not a cop to be messed with. Her ex-husband, the divorce papers were just signed, is now her captain (like that would happen in real life) and the two are ying and yang. The writing is not great, but Messing tries really hard. I'll keep checking in on it online as it comes up against two other shows I record. Rating: 7
• Red Bank Society - I don't know much about children living in hospitals, but most television is not within the realms of reality in the first place. I like this show. I like the kids and the writing. I love Octavia Spencer. The character of Kara was a tad overboard, but I hope she will tone down as the season wears on. Rating: 4
• How to Get Away with Murder - I hate when college professors use students to commit murders or to do their dirty work. Are students really this cut throat or desperate? I've only seen two episodes, but I find the show creepy. It isn't something I jump to watch when I sit down to empty out the DVR because it seems like I've seen the movie version already. I get the whole Shonda hype, but she can do better. Rating: 5
• Bad Judge - I thought this show was a drama. My first thought was am I really suppose to believe this kind of behavior exists in the court system?  But then much to my embarrassment I was laughing out loud more than once. The writing is witty and quick, and while the main character is over the top, her bailiff has the best lines and the best comedic timing. Plus it has some heart. Rating: 8
• A to Z - Maddy likes this show, but I find it boring. We watch it after The Middle, Modern Family and black-ish, and it is no where near the level of those shows. The writing isn't terrible, but the characters bore me. The female is so insecure and the male is so sweet and they are oil and water. I don't see this relationship lasting and frankly, I really don't care whether it does or not. Rating: 5
• Scorpion - I will admit that this show is a been there, done that show, but I enjoy it. It is fluff TV that isn't terrible. It isn't great, but it holds my interest when there is nothing on that I want to watch. Rating: 6
• Gotham - Here is another show that I didn't expect to like, but enjoy nonetheless. It is pre-Batman era, with Bruce Wayne as a middle schooler and Commissioner Gordon just a lowly detective. The back drop is pure Gotham and all the characters are there, just before they became foes of the masked one. Rating: 8
• Madam Secretary - THE BEST NEW SHOW ON TELEVISION! Love it! Tea Leoni is the bomb! I would vote for her for president and for every other elected position she wanted. The writing is smart and sharp and the characters are real. Leoni plays, for once, a strong, independent, beautiful woman who doesn't let men tell her what to do. She is a former CIA agent who has been asked by the president, her former CIA boss, to fill the position of secretary of the state. Her husband is loving and supportive. Her children aren't anything like the rest of the children on the new shows, but are intelligent and well behaved. The stories are out of the headlines, but no matter the weekly issue, Leoni's secretary kicks ass! Rating: 10
• Gracepoint - I read that this is a remake of a show across the pond and the stories and characters are much the same, even the main actor. The author of the article wasn't very happy about this, but since I've never seen the original I have no problem with it. It reminds me of the a show two seasons ago about a group of people involved in a bank robbery. I like that show and I like this one. The show is going to wrap up this season so that the mystery ends and it won't get too tedious, and besides Nick Nolte is in it. Rating: 7
• Marry Me - I was tired when I saw the first episode, but like A to Z I wasn't too caught up in these two lives. I liked the main characters better, but a show about proposing just right makes me, well, tired. Rating:6

Just a few reasons why I love this woman

Me: (singing)  "Happy Day After Your Birthday to you. I didn't want to call on that day like everyone else. I'm calling now to extend the fun. Happy Day After Your Birthday to you!"

Sharon: "Who is this?"

***

Me: "Did you like my card? I loved that card."

Sharon: "You and my mom were the only cards I received on the day of my birthday."

Me:  "But did you like the card? I thought the card was the best. It was kind of pricey, but I loved it so much I bought it."

Sharon: "Yes, I turned the card over first thing to see how much you thought I was worth."

***

The card read on the outside: "We will be friends until death." Inside: "And then I hope we will be ghost friends, and we will walk through walls and scare the shit out of people. That will be so fun!"

Me: "I read the card to everyone. Tom thought it appropriate. Madison rolled her eyes."

Sharon: "Then she will be the first person we scare the shit out of when we walk through walls."

***

Me: "Uh, Sharon. It's been awful quiet for the last twenty minutes. Where are the boys?"

Sharon: "They're fine. I gave them knives to play with."

Me: "Of course. Good thinking."

Sharon: "Some moms give lollipops, but that doesn't last long. Give them knives and it keeps them occupied forever. Well, until someone bleeds. But that hasn't happened yet."

Monday NFL recap - week 7

Well, on a week that looked to be a pick gimme things went south quickly. Steelers Depot tweeted, "The way this Sunday is going, the #Steelers are likely to beat the #Texans 60-2." Hmmmm....

Peyton Manning - I'll lead with the greatest because, well, he is unsurpassed in the records book now. Last night against the San Francisco 49er's Manning broke Brett Favre's record, and started adding to his own, by becoming the leader in career touchdown passes. Favre had 508 touchdowns and coming into the game Manning needed three touchdowns to take the lead. It was all anyone talked about today on the pregame shows and during the games. Would he do it? It made for a bunch of nervous nellies, but Manning came out cool, throwing #507 to ex-Steelers Emmanuel Sanders and tying the record with #508 to Wes Welker who ran for his life toward the end zone. Demaryius Thomas was the receiver that will go down in the history books with catch #509 in the end zone where he drug his two feet after making the catch. I'll admit it. I cried. It is one of the first times I've seen Manning really be emotional over one of his records. Sniff. He is the best. Ever.

Keep away - Manning has said that he doesn't ever get to keep game balls of other records he has set because the receivers always take the ball. After he threw #509 he went to get it from Thomas who then threw it over Manning's head to another receiver who then threw it back in a monkey in the middle game before Manning finally ended up with it.

Brett Favre - He was on the NFL Network today live from his home in Mississippi talking football and shaving. I would have liked to have heard more from him regarding Peyton Manning, but he did say that he had no doubt his record would be surpassed that night. It was a fun piece. He looks great and his whole family was there in the background.

St.  Louis - Tom came in right after Russell Wilson led the Seahawks down the field and into the end zone. He asked me how Seattle's defense was and I said, "Uh, Richard Sherman" who then deflected the ball on third down. St. Louis lined up to punt and I said, "Better watch for the trick punt. They're going to throw." Tom now knows that Cara knows football.

Wild Ending - The Rams needed another first down to just be able to run out the clock, and Tre Mason got it and more. But whoop he fumbled as he went to the ground and both teams scrambled as the ball rolled and twirled from one player to another. In slow motion it looks like Seahawks Richard Sherman has the ball under his legs where it slowly rolls up into his arms, but the refs ruled it St. Louis' ball. Word is there was no clear evidence to prove Seattle had the ball. Uh? I thought Pete Carroll was very professional in his post game conference. I'm not sure I could have been, but Carroll was uncharacteristically calm and nonchalant. "Richard was on top of the ball, but he was on his knees and he couldn't get flat on the ground. They could have said he had it.. They could have looked in there if they saw it and given him the football. But the time wore on in the pile and the ball got moved around. They did a good job getting it back."

Detroit Comeback - New Orleans dominated the first half and looked to have the game locked, but the Lions refused to quit. Drew Bree's threw an interception, Matt Strattford threw the go ahead TD, and the Lions defense sealed the deal. The catch by Corey Fuller was so sweet. He had to propel his airborne body back to the turf so that he could drag in his two feet. Awesome.

Da Bears - I got this game locally, along with Green Bay, and boy, what snoozers. Every time I pick the Bears they lose and vice versa. Apparently, after their loss the players erupted at one another in their locker room. Twitter was crazy with all of the scoop which pretty much told us nothing other than there was some yelling and Brandon Marshall was at the center of it. Well, yeah, you usually want to beat the team that let you go so I understand his frustration, but maybe he should have done more on the field, huh?

Redskins quarterbacks - Thank goodness we have something to speculate all week. Who will be Washington's quarterback now that Kirk Cousins was benched and Colt McCoy won the game? Does anyone even really even care?

NFL Network - I alternated yesterday between my favorite pregame show on Fox and the NFL Network which I have never watched before. I'm glad I did because I loved it. I know some people don't like the whole guys laughing and cutting up, but I like it. Sometimes they go overboard and embarrass themselves, but it is all good fun, and the NFL Network line up was a keeper. My favorite besides the Favre piece was Warren Sapp giving us the lowdown on Dallas' play last week with a tiny Sapp on the screen as a player.

Steelers - We play tonight. I'm hoping we do as well as we have done in the past on Monday night, but I don't necessarily have a lot of hope. Yes, I do. 

NFL picks - week 7

Last Week - 11 - 3

Overall - 56 - 34

New England over Jets - In New England playing the Jets? This is a no-brainer.

Buffalo over Minnesota - This week seems easy, but that can be deceiving. Neither one of these teams is a standout, but the Bills have a better record by one and a more experienced quarterback. Plus they are the home team.

Chicago over Miami - Out of all my picks this weekend this is the one I went back and forth on as I always do with a few picks. I'm going to be annoyed if the Dolphins pull out the upset.

Detroit over New Orleans - Some Sundays the Saints march out and play and some days they don't even bother to show up. The Lions at least give a good game.

Green Bay over Carolina - The Panthers could play like they played last week, but the Packers are at home and it is usually very hard to beat them in Lambeau.

Indianapolis over Cincinnati - Okay, maybe I should add this game to the iffy pile along with the Bears over the Dolphins. Now that I'm typing this I'm having second thoughts. The Bengals aren't happy with the tie they took in overtime last week, but their defense is struggling and ailing. Will they come out crazy enough to beat the Colts at home? I'm locked in with my pick, but oh, this should be a good game.

Seattle over St. Louis - The Seahawks will run all over the Rams this week. Guaranteed.

Tennessee over Washington - Apparently the Skins are favored. Huh. Who knew?

Cleveland over Jacksonville - Come on Florida football team that can't seem to win! Pfft. As much as I hope the Jaguars beat the Browns, I sure can't bet with them.

Baltimore over Atlanta - The Ravens just seem to always win.

San Diego over Kansas City - My SIL said that my brother was depressed about his Cardinals losing to the Giants and remarked, "Now what do I have to get excited about?" I told her that he has his Chargers. Jeez. The Royals are smokin' right now, but the Chiefs? Not so much. The Chargers are the are hot, hot, hot. and won't lose this one at home.

Dallas over Giants - Poor Eli. I hope he practiced this week getting up off the ground since that seems to be what he does more than anything so far this year.

Arizona over Oakland - So this week I found out, via some article, that Bruce Arians allegedly never wanted to retire from the Steelers. Turned out for the best for him after a stint in Indianapolis as coordinator and then fill-in head coach that led to this head coaching job in Arizona. Right now he too is smokin' hot and the Raiders won't give him any grief I'm sure.

Denver over San Francisco - The question is can the Broncos keep on playing their game week after week? I think they can.

Pittsburgh over Houston - Because I don't bet against my team. Well, rarely. Sigh.

5 things to start the weekend

• Our neighborhood Walmart is moving across the street into a renovated old Kmart. While I am a Target girl there are certain things that Walmart has that I will enter the doors for, but our local store is disgustingly dirty and in a terrible spot to get in and out of. People are always panhandling and will approach you as you enter and exit the store, sometimes scaring the hell our of you when you are busy loading groceries into your car. I try to avoid going there, but the new store across the road is going to be beautiful. This week I found out it opens next week and so I called SueG and said, "Yo, girl, guess what?"
• Madison actually applied for two colleges this week! She is such a procrastinator, but the deadline for one of the schools was the 15th and so I cracked the whip as she needs to get as much money in scholarships as possible. Together we filled out the application which ended up giving me a headache and made me very cross. All the nonsense of information these institutions want? How the heck am I suppose to remember what month, day, and year that I became a Florida resident when I can't even remember why I came into a room?
• We have a three day weekend starting today. As usual we made no plans for fun, for visiting colleges, or for something different. I'll make my kids clean. That'll show 'em.
• The whole senior year is going to be the death of my husband because it means big $$$. First expense thus far for us has been senior pictures. The cheapest package is $250 and the poor man came unglued. I'm starting off small with him so that when it comes time to pay the first tuition bill for college he might not have a heart attack.
• Kelly buys these toffee peanuts at the Family Dollar store and they are so delicious. She left the can here last night and Tom and I finished them off. Later I saw that it has a 100% satisfaction guaranty and if I'm not happy it says to return the empty package for a refund or exchange. I wonder since it has to be empty if I can just do that and say I was only 97% satisfied and that maybe another can might help me change my mind. 

Ten months too long

At the beginning of this year, I wrote an entry about my grocery store closing and the woe I was in about finding another place to shop. The store was suppose to be remodeled, but upon inspection there were issues and the entire building was demolished and then rebuilt. I've had terrible experiences at other groceries and each time I would drive by the construction of my neighborhood Publix I would lament aloud how much I hated this whole process.

While shopping in September at the Publix I'd chosen as a temporary replacement I spoke with a former employee of my Publix and she told me the store would be opening the first of October. I was beside myself with glee. October? That was months before scheduled. I immediately began making plans. I told my kids that they could miss school that day because we would camp outside the Publix the night before so that we could be the first ones in the door on opening day. They were a tad concerned that I was serious, and while I thought it would have made a great blog entry, my cohort, the only friend that would actually consider doing something so off the grid, had to work. But we made plans to meet up that morning to attend the opening.

We fortified ourselves with breakfast at 7:15 at McDonald's across the street and we were at Publix by 7:45 for the 8:00 a.m. opening. Unfortunately, we were not the first in the door. Apparently, other people were just as excited as I was about our store re-opening.

We stood in line and chatted with the people in front and in back of us. My friend, while a good egg, thought it was ridiculous that we were all standing in line for a grocery store. The guy in front of me wasn't even from our area, but had been told by someone to come here to do his shopping. That annoyed me and another lady who told him we had been waiting for 9 months and 9 days for this very day. He was impressed, but did not offer to let us cut in front of him. In fact, when the father of Darcy's buddy, showed up and came over to talk this same guy kept mentioning how cutting in line was not something people tolerated. I found that humorous.

Me: "Do you have an issue with him standing here with us instead of going to the back of the line? He doesn't even care about getting a free shopping bag."

Him: "I don't care, no. But some people get down right angry about people who cut in line."

No one beat us up, and after the store manager announced the opening and we all cheered, the doors opened. It took a while for us to make it to the front of the store, but there was a man playing music on a steel drum and there were danishes, donuts, muffins and coffee to fortify us if we chose. When I got to the entrance I threw up my arms, took a deep breath, and crossed the threshold. With tears in my eyes.

SueG: "Are you *^% kidding me? There's something wrong with you."

I shook the manager's hand, took the free insulated Publix shopping bag, and walked into the new store. Of course, it was completely different, which Darcy had warned me about, and while that part sucked because I liked our original layout, I was happy nonetheless.

There were free samples of food as we made our way around the store taking in the sights. We had cider, bacon, pineapple, an egg casserole, and french toast. The women all received complimentary carnations. We got a pharmacy bag with goodies as we rounded the end and we got bags of goodies as we exited the store. I didn't really need groceries, and my friend had to drop her son off at his bus stop, but I did pick up some juice and fruit for my husband per his request that morning. After I got my car at McDonald's, I drove back across the street and reentered all over again to get a flu shot at the pharmacy. I tried to pooh pooh the goodies that were offered to me all over again, but they insisted because of how I'm their number one fan.

The pharmacist gave me $100 in gift cards to use for switching prescriptions to Publix and two $5.00 off coupons for groceries. I left there quite happy with the opening and with no pain in my arm as the pharmacist "gives his shots with love". Welcome back my neighborhood Publix!

Healthy we are not

Recently we had a Whole Foods open up in our area adjacent to our Sears mall store. Construction had been ongoing for what felt like years, and I was under the impression that Sears was just remodeling. It wasn't until I read an article in our paper that I knew it was Whole Foods. Which meant nothing to me. I pictured another grocery store, and since the area where it is located is thirty minutes from me I didn't figure it would be on my shopping list unless I was visiting the mall.

My friend and I happened to have some errands in that area last week and we decided after breakfast that we should stop in at the Whole Foods and check it out. I have been inside the Fresh Market, which happens to be down the street from this food establishment, and I thought it mimicked that store in several ways. We started at one side of the store and worked our way around the entire place before going back to things we wanted to purchase.

The store is organic. I don't think there is one thing in there that didn't come from a polished farm out in the country with fields that were sprayed with dewy fairy dust. The items were all strange brands with strange titles and the ingredients were things I had never heard of for the most part. One of the items I found in the dairy section was something I had seen in a recipe that week that I had no idea what it was let alone where to purchase it. I've written about that before, and suddenly I realized: I can buy it at Whole Foods!

I spent considerable time at the fresh food line where you could take home soups, salads, and international foods. It was buffet style with take home containers, organic not Styrofoam, and I made myself a delicious salad with vegetables and a dollop of rice salad and chicken salad. I also purchased some ginger tea and candy for my SIL, and then while standing in line to check-out I saw these juices that were BOGO.

I told my friend I was buying this for us to drink on the way home. She picked out the Chunmee Tropical and I took the Honeybush Peach. They were $3.99 a piece, but I was feeling so healthy with my salad and they were buy one, get one and I was embracing the whole organic thing and so I left the store with them in my bag.

When we got into the car I took them out and opened mine. I was parched and so I took a huge gulp to refresh my body, and then tried very hard not to spit it out all over her dashboard. It tasted like watered down apricot baby food with no seasoning. It was awful. She looked at me and asked me how it was. I told her delicious. She called me a liar and proceeded to taste hers. Immediately, she opened the door and spit it out.

Her: "Oh, my God, what the *^%$ is that crap? That is the worst thing I have ever put into my mouth."

Me: "I know, right. It is terrible. How can honey and peaches taste so nasty?"

We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Her: "We are so not ever going to be healthy."

Me: "Not if we have to drink this stuff."

Her: "Let's go get a McDonald's iced coffee."

Silly man

Tom: "Did you read this article about the stolen electronics?"

Me: "I did. Silly woman. She obviously does not know Apple. If you are going to steal something, don't you think you should know about the product? Hello? Find my Iphone, etc."

Tom: "Yes, but did you read how she did it?"

Me: "No, I forgot that story when I turned to the inside."

Tom: "She stole them by wearing scrubs and dressing up as a nurse. Ahem."

Me:  "If that is directed at me, I'll have you know that I wear doctor scrubs, thank you very much."

Monday morning NFL recap - week 6

Steelers: At least I still have the Broncos.

Red zone - We can't seem to get past the red and into the end zone. I understand the run game. I get it. But the game has changed and the Steelers need to change with it and throw the darn ball, especially in the red zone.

Ben Roethlisberger - Not his day. That happens. He overthrew and under threw and missed cues. Unfortunately our next three games are the Texans, Colts and Ravens and those are three teams that are way better than the Steelers.

Troy Polamalu - Something is very off with Troy, and I wish he would straighten it out. If he is unhappy with something on the team whether it be the coach or players, he needs to address it so he can get back to work. He is healthy and we are not seeing healthy Troy play. I'm not a proponent of the "he is old" thing. Something else is going on.

Receivers - I questioned our decisions in the off season to not try and keep certain players, mainly receivers Jericho Cotchery and Emmanuel Sanders. And sure enough we are hurting there. Antonio Brown is our only guy that can hold on to a ball, leap to make a catch, and who comes out each week to do his job. What? No one thought that other teams wouldn't pick up on that and cover him?

Browns - Kudos to them. They have energy. They have enthusiasm. They don't give up. All the things that we haven't had in years.

Other:

Hype - It is interesting to me how excited sports analysts get when a team pulls out a winner, or wins again, or loses big. No matter which one it is the analysts go nuts. Now the Cowboys are suddenly THE team since they pulled off an upset over the Seahawks. It was a good win. I'm not arguing that, but do I think this is the team that will take it all the way? Uh, no. Not yet. I picked Philadelphia back in week one and so far they haven't done anything to change my mind.

Tampa Bay - I didn't watch the game because I was busy watching my own game online, but I followed it through updates. Five touchdowns scored in the first fifteen minutes by the Ravens. That is on the Bucs defense period. Do I think this beating was on par with the one they took two weeks ago with Atlanta? No. This game this week was against the Ravens, a contender team for sure. The Falcons? They couldn't beat Chicago.

Joe Flacco and Aaron Rogers - I hate to give kudos to any Raven, but Flacco played so well yesterday I have to suck it up and hand it out to him. As for Rogers, if I had to pick a quarterback to stage a comeback he would be in line behind Peyton Manning. Plus, he earned points with me by showing some emotion and humor in his post conference regarding his fake spike.

Sacks - Last week was penalty week and this week it was quarterback sacks. Giants quarterback Eli Manning went down six times, five of those occurring in the first half, and Jacksonville's Blake Bortles joined him with six. Buffalo's Kyle Orton, and Buc's Mike Glennon went down five times. Jets quarterback Geno Smith and Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan were each saked for four, but poor Teddy Bridgewater of the Minnesota Vikings picked himself up off the field eight times. A few people are going to be sore this morning.

Victor Cruz - Ouch. The Giants number one receiver went down with a torn patellor tendon in his knee while trying to leap for an overthrown pass. It is always hard when the great ones go down. It is even harder when the rest of the team can't recover from it.

OT Tie - Seriously? You play all that time and you get nothing but a tie? Ugh. Why is it so difficult for the NFL to get overtime rules right?

NFL picks - week 6

Last Week - 12 - 3

Overall - 45 - 31

Indianapolis over Houston - Andrew Luck is just too hot right now and while Houston and J.J. Watt are working on getting and staying hot I don't think they will get past the Colts.

New England over Buffalo - Tom Brady and company made up for their huge whupping in week 4 last week and I don't think they fall asleep again this week.

Cincinnati over Carolina - If the Bengals had won last week, maybe Cam Newton could make a game this week, but I think the Bengals beat the Panthers.

Pittsburgh over Cleveland - We have got to keep the momentum going if we get hot in the beginning because the Browns are the comeback team. We have got to add some air time to our run game and the defense has got to be fierce.

Tennessee over Jacksonville - Uh, this game seems like a snore to me. Anyone interested in it?

Green Bay over Miami - I don't even remember the Dolphins after a week off. Can they come out and beat the Packers? They could. But Aaron Rogers seems to have found his groove and I'm not so sure about Miami.

Detroit over Minnesota - The Lions are so much fun to watch. The Vikings are so all over the field. I just went with the better team, but the Lions shouldn't discount Minnesota or they will find themselves surprised.

Denver over the Jets - I never worry about Peyton Manning not being ready. He takes every week and every team very seriously no matter their record. Doesn't mean he can't have an off day, but I don't see the Jets beating the Broncos.

Baltimore over Tampa Bay - I would love the Bucs if they beat the Ravens, but it would take a miracle. I believe in miracles, but the Ravens got beat last week and they don't lose two in a row.

San Diego over Oakland - Phillip Rivers is the Andrew Luck right now on the west coast. 

Atlanta over Chicago - Maybe I get this game locally this week so I can watch the Bears play some. I like Atlanta and what they are capable of if they can just put it all together.

Arizona over Washington - The Cardinals lost big last week and they weren't happy. They lost a player and they aren't happy. They will win so they can be happy.

Seattle over Dallas - Tony Romo is going to have to play one of his better games in Seattle's stadium, but I have a feeling he will play one of his lopsided games here against this defense.

Philadelphia over the Giants - I went back and forth on this game. It is my could-go-either-way game. I just don't know enough about the Giants yet. Haven't had the opportunity to watch them so I went with the Eagles who need to play a complete game.

San Francisco over St. Louis - What a boring Monday night game, huh? The 49ers may just find themselves smoked as the Rams are the little team that won't go down, but I went with the home team. 

The nonsense that is my life

I created the invitations and the programs for an upcoming school event that is happening this week. On Monday night I was finally given the okay to print out the program and bring it with me to our meeting the next day. I had been working at my desk most of the day and kept noticing that when I printed things there were ink blots on the paper. When I printed out the program I knew the blots were not going to pass muster with me or anyone else. I sat and wondered what in the world could be the issue, and came to the conclusion, eventually, that it was a printer issue.

I went to the laser printer that my husband had insisted upon buying and opened it up. I pulled out the tray where the cartridges reside and when I pulled out the black cartridge black powder came pouring out of the side of the cartridge. It went all over my hands, all over my desk, and all over the inside of the printer. How it avoided going all over my carpet is beyond me, but it didn't.

I had not eaten all day. I had just finished making dinner before I ran into the office to print off the program. I had a raging headache. Now I stood covered in black dusty powder that told me there was no way in hell this was something that would easily be fixed. That being the case, meant that I wasn't going to get this program printed. Not getting that printed would ruin everything because I could not send this program to someone else unless they too had the program I had used to make it. I'm afraid I lost it.

Me: "OMG! Why is this happening? What the ^%$ is happening? Can't anything just go right?"

I went on and on as I ran around with the cartridge in my hand, tilted to one side so as not to spill more powder everywhere. Madison came to calm me down and the two of us cleaned up the mess. I put everything back together again and printed my program. Of course it came out covered in gray and I knew the roller needed to be cleaned. I repeated my earlier episode of opening and pulling out the cartridge, which of course repeated my earlier mess of spilled powder, only at a lesser degree. I cleaned the roller and tried again, but it was a no go. I was not going to print on this laser printer.

We have another laser printer that resides under Tom's desk. We are told not to touch it, but the girls do so when they need another printer or when ours is on the fritz. To do this they have to transfer their project on to a jump drive which they plug into the printer and print. We all avoid Tom's computers as much as we can. Number one, because he has everything password protected and number two because he would have a fit if he thought we were using his computer for anything helpful.

Madison and I discussed how we would be able to use his printer, but because his computer was off and password protected Madison decided she would just unplug it and carry it into my office and plug it in to my computer. I thought that a big job, but was desperate. Unfortunately, for us Tom came home before we could do that, and we knew there was no way he was going to allow us to cart his printer all over the house.

I gently told him my issue and he went into my office to deal with it. He couldn't fix the printer so he converted my file to a PFD file so that I could put it on to a jump drive and print it out "anywhere". He looked around my desk.

Him: "Do you have a thumb drive?"
Me: "I do. Let me look."

I went through drawers. I went through paperwork. I went through cabinets, and pen containers, and anything that had space for a jump drive.

Me: "OMG! Why do these kids mess with my stuff? I have one jump drive. It is always right here in this container. Doggone Darcy."
Tom: "How do you know it was Darcy? Why are you blaming her?"
Me: "Because she is the one always at my desk and on my computer and around all of my stuff. MADDY???"
Maddy: "Yes?"
Me: "Did you take my jump drive and use it for any reason?"
Maddy: "No."
Me: "See! Darcy probably took it and you probably found it somewhere where she left it and you probably threw it away."
Tom: "No. I didn't do that. I haven't even been in here."

We ended up using a jump drive of Maddy's. When Tom realized I was going to use his printer he took the jump drive and said he would print my stuff. Which he did. With my help. After it was all done and I had put it all away, ready for tomorrow, I was going to sit down and finally finish eating.

Tom: "If you ever need a jump drive, I have them right here in this drawer." He pulls out MY jump drive. The one that I was searching frantically for earlier. "In fact, take this one. Here. This one has a nice long chain on it so you won't lose it. You can put it around your neck."

The man is still alive because he knows too much about electronics. I'm just saying...

My MRI follow-up

I have heard my brother and my husband tell me for years that doctors are quacks and only out for money. Recently, after I wrote my blog entry about my upcoming visit to the neurosurgeon regarding my bulging disc my male friend emailed me a link to stretches, telling me that the doctor would just want to do surgery first. While I appreciated the link I had read up on my condition and was anticipating some physical therapy and maybe some shots to the back. I headed out to my appointment.

I had done some research on the surgeon my doctor recommended. I was excited to see that he had attended a college Madison is applying to and decided to ask him about that. I also asked my doctor friend to recommend someone and he gave me two names, one of whom was this same guy. I figured I was good to go, made the appointment, filled out the hundred page forms printed off the website, and set off for the appointment.

First in the room was the PA. He was young, bald, and interested in what I had to say. He listened to my saga and told me I had four choices. One, I could live with my condition. I've lived with it for eight months. I exercise. I have no leg pain. Before he could tell me my other three choices, the door opened and the neurosurgeon entered. He too was young, dressed to the hilt, and wearing large, square glasses that I think were more for show than sight. He shook my hand, took the seat that the PA had vacated, and looked at me. I looked at the PA.

Me: "Seriously? He comes into the room and you jump up and give him your seat?"

PA: "It's his favorite chair. And this one has wheels and might roll out from underneath him and we can't have the surgeon injured."

The surgeon viewed our exchange through his glasses without blinking. The PA gave him a modified version of my history, and before he could add anything else, the surgeon told me I had a herniated disc that was pressing on my S1 nerve and that I needed surgery. Boom. That was it. Validation for the men in my life.

Me: "Seriously?"

Surgeon: "You have a significant rupture, but we'll fix that with surgery."

Me: "I'm not planning on having surgery."

Surgeon: "Can you live with this?"

Me: "I suppose so. I have."

Surgeon: "Then why are you here?"

Me: "My primary sent me here." We established who that was. "I want to know if there are things that I'm doing in my daily life or when exercising that are harmful."

Surgeon: "No. You can do what you want."

The PA tried to lighten the mood. He worked hard at making the surgeon a better guy than he was acting. He told him that he had not examined me yet. They both told me that the longer I waited the less my nerve might bounce back. I hopped up on the examining table. The PA washed his hands. The surgeon remained seated next to the table. I took the time to ask him about the college that he had attended. He told me he loved it. We discussed it some.

Surgeon: "Do you want to take off your shoes?"

Me: "Do I want to or do you want me to?"

Surgeon: "Take off your shoes."

The PA examined me. I raised my legs and he tried to push them down. I pointed my toes and he tried to push them back. I pushed forward on his hands while he tried to push back. He tested my reflexes. He tickled both legs and asked how they felt. He tickled my feet. The only test that got their attention was when he tested my reflexes behind my ankle. It was the last thing he tested and they both nodded their heads with excitement. Yep. See. Nerve pinched. Duh.

Surgeon: "Consider the surgery."

Me: "I will. I'll think about it. I've always figured it was in the cards. I just wasn't able to do anything before now. I've been a caregiver for my mother and knew dealing with this wasn't an option, but she died a few months ago, and I figured F**k it, I need to deal with this. Oh, sorry, about that."

Snickering. Laughs.

PA: "No worries. We've heard worse. We do hear worse."

Me: (looking at surgeon) "Are you the best?"

Surgeon: "....yes"

Me: "Jeez, a little hesitation there."

PA: "He is the best. I've told him, and he is smiling because he knows what I'm going to say (I didn't see a smile). I've told him that no matter where I am, even if I'm half way across the world in China, I want him to fly to me to do any type of neurosurgery."

Me: "I looked you up. You have a good rating. My buddy, (insert name) gave me your name as someone he would recommend."

Surgeon: "The radiologist?"

Me: "Yes."

Surgeon: "My wife works in his practice."

Me: "So, he was earning brownie points?"

I wasn't trying to be a smart ass, but I was annoyed. I was so annoyed that I forgot that the PA had originally given me four choices. If the first choice was live with this and obviously another choice was surgery, what were the other two choices? The surgeon ended up explaining what he would do and wrote it down for me, telling me to research it. He shook my hand and left. The PA did the same, but then he returned and gave me a booklet on exercises. I didn't remember the choice thing until I punched the elevator button upon leaving. Sigh. 

Research just confirmed what I wanted in the first place. Surgery is the last option. Before that is an option physical therapy, drugs, and shots should be tried. Surgery is not a guarantee. I'm going to try things on my own first. I need to get weight off. I'll continue with the exercises that I've been doing off and on for months. I'm walking daily. If things don't change, I'll seek out another opinion maybe with an orthopedist or go back to my own doctor for some therapy. And I'll try not to become soured on the medical profession.

Monday NFL recap - week 5

Steelers: I feel like I say the same thing every week, every year. But baby, I will take this win!

1st play - On the first play of our possession, on the punt return, Robert Golden was called for holding. A penalty? I was shocked. Seriously? It set the tone for me for this game, and it wasn't the tone I was looking for.

Quarterback run - I like the running quarterback despite the risk of injury. There are times when the it is just plain necessary. I don't know if Ben has been told not to run. I don't know if he is like me and afraid of falling down. All I know is he missed two key runs that would have gotten us first downs, and just when I typed those first two words he ran to get the first down that ended the game and gave us the win. See.

Polamalu penalty - Okay, he can make huge defensive plays that other safeties can't, but his jumping over his players to break up the offensive line and the snap isn't working this year. Last week he was penalized and this week he was penalized. While I get that I could be writing about how that move worked, and had it I would have been thrilled, but he is doing it at the wrong time during key moments and those penalties are too costly.

Penalties - Oh, let's just mention these again too. I kept track this time making little hash marks on my paper, and as each mark was made my blood pressure went up. My buddy put it best; undisciplined. I blame the coach. Tomlin has got to discipline these guys and these guys have got to stop making stupid penalties. I was shocked to hear we were the second team in penalties, but when I checked that statistic myself I found us .5 behind the 49er's. Probably number one after this game.

Interception - Finally. A pick from Brice McCain (who?) that resulted in a touchdown. And it was a great pick. McCain was paying attention, saw the ball coming, stepped in front of his man, Allen Hurns, got the pick and ran it into the end zone for the score. Beautiful. Monkey off the defense's back for this week.

Other:

Peyton Manning - New record from my boy! Second in all time touchdown passes with 503, five behind the leader, Brett Favre. Does the man just keep racking up the points and the records? Yep. But what is so great about Peyton Manning is how humble he is. "I do think about how many people have helped me throughout my career. I just think about how graterful I am for that help and support. Football's the ultimate team game." Love him.

Bucs - It has been a long week in Tampa Bay for Steelers fans. I am a Bucs fan, but my Steelers come first and losing to the team where you reside is terrible. It was worse because the media and the Bucs fans acted like they were this phenomenal team. The Steelers gave that game to the Bucs, and apparently the Bucs were paying attention last week because they came out this week and did the same thing with the Saints. The Bucs had 9 penalties for 115 yards and handed that game in overtime to New Orleans.

Colts - Thank you Indianapolis. Great final play from the defense to break up a great Joe Flacco pass that would have been a score had he caught it.

Quarterback run - Andrew Luck and Jake Locker did what I kept yelling at Ben Roethlisberger to do. They ran when they had to they both scored on their runs. Locker, the Titans leader, got drilled in the end zone by a Browns defender, which brought out the whole quarterback running argument, but that hit was a dirty hit as Locker cleared the end zone way before he was hit. Christian Kirksey, the defender, will pay for that forearm to the head, but it doesn't change my mind. Sometimes quarterbacks are going to have to run. Either that or their teammates are going to have to step up better.

Dez Bryant catch - Huge. Romo to Bryant for major yardage in overtime that got the Cowboys within field goal range. He had to leap in man to man coverage for that catch, bobbled it a bit and caught it again. The field goal was good and the Cowboys won. Huge play. That is what it is all about.

Comebacks - The Cleveland Browns were down 28-3 and everyone counted them out. Next thing you know it was 28-10 and then 28-15 and then 28-22 and then suddenly 29-28 and the game was over and the Browns were the ones jumping up and down the field. That is the way you fight. The Steelers play these guys next week, barely beat them in week one, and do not have the fight within them. I'll enjoy this week as long as I can. The St. Louis Rams too made a run at a comeback, but fell short. Either way I just like to see that fighting spirit instead of giving up and quitting.

Penalties - Well, the Steelers aren't the only ones. Most heartbreaking and the stupidest penalty this week? Kansas City's twelve men on the field.

Lions kickers - They keep missing. Last week the Lions signed Alex Henry to replace rookie Nate Freese who couldn't hit between the uprights. This week Henry too missed three attempts, the last one the deciding factor in the game. Ouch.

Bose - They are the official headphones for the NFL this year. So that means no more Dre Beats...at least during interviews. Oh, no! Say it isn't so! I didn't know this before the game started, but I did notice that the headphones the players were wearing were pink this week, and I wondered, as I always do during NFL October, if the money used to provide players with pink headphones couldn't have been better spent on breast cancer research.

Patriots - And speaking of comebacks...I knew it. I knew I should have gone with the Patriots. Say what I will about Tom Brady, the man is a fighter and he can motivate his team to pick up the pieces of last week's debacle and come out kicking and clawing. New England stuffed the Cincinnati Bengals and handed that team their first loss of the season.

NFL picks week 5

Last Week - 6 - 7

Overall - 33 - 28

Green Bay over Minnesota - I figured the Packers were at home and Minnesota couldn't even decide which players were hurt and available.

Dallas over Houston - Now I think I should have gone with the Texans. I went with the home team here too, but the Texans have been mighty stellar lately.

Detroit over Buffalo - Every time I pick the Bills they lose and when I don't pick them they win. I like the Lions and what they can do. Matthew Stafford is just fearless and determined and he has guys that can back him up.

Cleveland over Tennessee - I don't know anything about the Titans. The Browns keep thinking they can do something. Maybe today, coming off the bye, they can.

Indianapolis over Baltimore - Both teams are coming off big wins. Indy is at home, and I like their team and their quarterback better.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay - Jeez, you would have thought the Bucs won the Super Bowl last week with all the hype they got in the papers. Only our guy, Tom Jones, from Pittsburgh saw the same game I did; the one where Pittsburgh helped Tampa win. New Orleans sucks too. This is a game I get to watch. B-O-R-I-N-G. I went with the same reoccurring theme...home team advantage, but maybe I'm still being a sore loser. I'll root for the Bucs though.

Atlanta over Giants - I still haven't seen the Giants this year. I'm impressed with Matt Ryan and company though despite last weeks fiasco. They will make up for it this week on the road. Or...maybe not.

Philadelphia over St. Louis - The Eagles should be mad after last week's loss. If they don't think like the Steelers and play this team like they are winners and not 1-2, then they should kill them.

Carolina over Chicago - Well, last week the Bears made me look bad against the Packers so in my annoyance I'm going with the Panthers. So there!

Pittsburgh over Jacksonville - I'm thinking that the Steelers will want to redeem themselves after that terrible debacle of last week, but then again they never follow my train of thought. But they are my boys and deep down I know they are winners. Big winners surely over a 0-4 team? Ah, jeez, if we lose here I can't think how long the season will be.

Denver over Arizona - Well, the Broncos are coming off of a loss and a bye. The Cardinals haven't lost yet, but Carson Palmer is out so I'm going with Peyton Manning.

San Diego over Jets - Jeez, are the Jets still playing football?

San Francisco over Kansas City - I didn't watch last week's game where the Chiefs played like the old team instead of this year's team. I did watch the 49ers game last week. If the players can quit whining about how they hate their coach, Jim Harbaugh, and play like they played against the Eagles I think they win. 

Cincinnati over New England - Ah, jeez. Now this is my other one that I think maybe I should have gone the other way. What happened last week to the Patriots? The Bengals are undefeated and should be well rested. Sometimes that rest isn't the greatest in the early weeks, but I picked them for good defense over a weak Patriots offense.

Seattle over Washington - The Skins are still muddling along and the Super Bowl Champs are still winning. Their one loss made them better.

5 things to start the weekend

1. NBC online rocks - To be able to write about the new fall TV shows I've had to catch up online. We have Apple TV so that I can watch them on the big screen through the network apps. ABC, the leader in online viewing, now sucks. You can only watch a show one week after it has aired unless you can be verified through a provider. None of the providers are any I have heard of let alone are in my area. Why this is has not registered yet with me. I think it is stupid if they want viewers. NBC, on the other hand, is my favorite. Few commercials and I can watch all the shows I want.
2. Raspberries in smoothies - Not a good thing. I'm trying to get back to shredding, thus I must drink smoothies. Most of the berry fruit used in these are not in season in my area right now and are either non existent or too pricey. Raspberries are affordable, but the seeds kill a smoothie. I try to drink and chew, but there are too many of the little buggers and I end up spitting them out. For awhile I used a sieve, but that was messy and too time consuming. Frankly, I'm getting tired of bananas.
3. Weather - I live in Florida so everyone wants weather updates. Plus, we are getting a cold front tonight. It is suppose to be in the 60's when we wake up and a high of only 79 and a high of 83 on Monday. How exciting!
4. Solar lights - I bought some Halloween lights that power up with the sun and turn on at dark. I only paid a dollar apiece for them and doubt their abilities, but I'm so excited to have a lit up walkway. I'm going to be annoyed if they don't work.
5. Sadness - We just got a call today that our neighbor who makes homemade treats for all the dogs in the neighborhood had a stroke on Thursday and has yet to regain consciousness. She lives several streets over from us and Elliot knows her house. He trots right up to her front door every morning for his treat. She is a walker and a very active gardener. I've very sad for her and her family. 

Detecting 101

In my position as a personal representative I'm having to deal with a deadbeat individual who owes the estate money. He was loaned said money in what I consider an illegal way, but since that ship has sailed I'm left with getting the money. In the course of doing just that I was told to hire a private investigator. What?

In my teenage years I was a private investigator. My neighbor, Robby, and I ran M&M Private Investigation. I made ID badges that we never flashed. We worked out of my garage with my fingerprint kit that I had gotten for Christmas one year. We made flyers and distributed them around the neighborhood, and we spent a lot of time sitting in the garage waiting for clients. 

Our first job was the Case of the Broken Coffee Cup. My mother hired us. She wanted to know who had broken the handle on her coffee cup. She probably thought it was me and that hiring me to solve this would make me confess. But I didn't break the handle. Robby and I dusted the cup for prints and transferred the prints on to the kit paper and discovered tire tracks. In interviewing my mother we found that she had found the broken coffee cup on the floor of the garage. Being the great detectives that we were, Robby and I deduced that she herself had broken the coffee cup.

Case #1 - Client remembers seeing the coffee cup intact for the last time when she used it to drink her morning coffee. Client does not remember the date. Client discovered the broken cup on the floor of the garage this week. Printing on the cup shows tire tracks that match client's vehicle tires. In reconstruction we found that the highest probability was that client herself had exited the home with coffee cup in hand on her way out. Upon entering the garage, she got sidetracked, laid the coffee cup down on the side arm of the grill that sat in front of her car. She then left the garage in her car. When she returned she bumped the grill with her car, causing the cup to fall to the ground where she then backed over the handle. When questioned, the client agreed that she had bumped the grill and that she was quite certain our deduction was correct. Pieces of the handle were found on the garage floor and under the grill. Client paid us. Case closed.

With that successful case under our belt, we were inundated with cases, of course. The biggest case we had came from two of my classmates, neighbors in the hood. Their brother, a policeman, had parked his police car in front of their house and it had been broken into the previous night and tons of radio stuff had been stolen. The twins, our clients, suspected the teenagers that lived down the street from them. They apparently didn't have faith in the police department to solve the case and hired us. Robby and I investigated, going over the car in fine detail. We got fingerprints off the door handle, but with no database to compare them to we were stuck. We decided that the best way to catch the thief was to use bait. 

The family had a camper parked in their driveway and the twins got permission for us to spend the night in it. To set up the bait the four of us rode our bikes up and down the street past the teenagers house where they were playing basketball. We carried on a conversation about the car robbery, with one of the twins discussing how great it was that they hadn't broken into the camper as it was full of camera equipment and electronics. (Apparently, that was a hot commodity back then.) To add to the bait we also discussed how the lock on the camper door was busted. Robby and I wrote the script and we practiced it in the twins' garage before we rode up and down the street sucking in the criminals. That night the twins and I slept in the camper. Since Robby was a boy he was not invited, and I was on my own with our clients. We all had places inside the camper. One twin, Lisa, slept in the bed above the driver. The other twin, Linda, slept on the padded bench that went with the dining table. I slept in the back bedroom. (I wasn't stupid)

We left the camper unlocked. We took rope and made a lasso by the entryway. The other end of the rope was attached to the bed Lisa was sleeping in. The plan was that the intruder would enter the camper, step into the lasso which Lisa would pull, causing the intruder to fall to the floor. Linda would jump up from her position and tackle them. I would run from the back bedroom and clobber them over the head with a broom. We practiced it several times. The biggest worry was me beating Linda over the head by accident.

We had fun that night in the camper. We ate and watched movies. We told ghost stories. We talked about how we would be on the news once we solved this case. Finally around two o'clock the teenagers down the street came calling. They came on their bikes with friends. They rode around and around the camper talking in loud voices. We were sure that they said things about robbing it and robbing the police car. Lisa got scared. She hopped down out of her bed and locked the camper door. Not long after that someone tried the door of the camper. We peeked out of windows and could make out the teenagers in the light that was in the twins' yard. Someone yelled that it was locked. Then the porch light came on, the twins' parent came out, thinking we were out in the camper partying, and the teens hightailed it out of there.

The next morning Robby and I fingerprinted the door knob to the camper. It matched the one we had taken off of the police car door handle. We turned it all over to the twins' brother. The way I remember the story going is that a few weeks later they arrested the eldest teen that lived down the street, but that could just be something we all made up to make the story a better one. Either way, Robby and I considered the case solved and closed. We waived our fee.

So when the lawyer told me that the best way to handle this deadbeat that owed money to the estate was to hire a private investigator I scoffed. I was a P.I. I would take the case. I would solve the mystery. I would make this guy put up or shut up. I was on this guy's trail...