Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Making it all too real

Death has a way of making you think. For me, the loss of my FIL has opened up memories of losing my grandparents. I was too young when I lost my two grandmothers. I have a vague memory of my paternal grandmother and nothing of my maternal grandmother.

My grandfathers, however, were a part of my childhood. Losing my paternal grandfather was really when I experienced the total death and funeral scene from beginning to end.

The call came in the middle of the night. The ringing awakened me and my friend Robin who was spending the night. We both listened to the one-sided conversation coming from my parents' room next to mine. I could hear the solemn tone in my father's voice, and I still remember the worry and how fast my heart thumped, knowing the news on the other end wasn't good. That it had to be news of my ailing grandfather. I remember Robin reaching to hold my hand under the covers.

My father came into my room and told me his father had died. I cried but not so much for my own loss. I cried for my father's suffering. His parent. Gone. Forever. And my grandfather's death brought forth a reality I hadn't yet experienced. Parents die. Someday I too would lose my own father. It was a horrible, terrible jolt of truth and a terrifying one.

We had the phone call for my FIL in the night. He'd been taken by ambulance to the hospital. My husband went immediately to be with his mother and sister. I didn't tell my daughters much that morning. Because Tom had been home with a virus for two days, they assumed daddy was still in bed. I didn't tell them any differently, but when I picked them up from school later that day, Roger had died.

I broke the news to them. Tom was with his family, picking up relatives at the airport and helping to finalize arrangements. I didn't think I could drive home with their idle discussions of school, and I worried Darcy would ask questions about Tom that would make me cry. So, keeping in mind my feelings of losing my grandfather and my reality check, I parked far away from everyone, sat them on the floor of the van, knelt in the grass at their feet, and took their little hands in mine.

It was so something my own mother would've done, and I'll probably cringe years from now, but there are no rules in parenting, and so I did what I thought best.

I told them Roger had fallen the day before and hit his head. I explained how he'd gone to the hospital but how he'd fallen again once he arrived home. By now, my voice was cracking, and tears were running down their cheeks because they knew.

They've watched two grandparents decline in health this past year. They've made countless trips to the various hospitals to visit both. By the time I told them that their grandfather had died peacefully in his sleep, they were both sobbing in my arms. It was a solemn ride home.

We spent the rest of the evening grieving. The girls sat in my arms on the couch while I held them and wiped tears. They each grieved in their own way. Darcy lay in bed, sucking her thumb, holding a picture of her grandparents, and listening to sad music. Madison lay in bed, clutching her blankies and thinking.

Both wanted to hug their father. They had questions about his mental state, his grief, and whether he'd cried or not. They both wanted - and needed - to see for themselves, he was okay. Because, like me, the reality was smacking them in the face, and they wanted him home so they could have both parents safe and sound.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A huge loss in our family

Last Wednesday, my father-in-law, Roger, died peacefully in his sleep. He'd had a couple of falls the day before where he'd hit his head, and this caused bleeding in his brain that was just too great. His health had deteriorated in the last few months, so it wasn't a great shock, but it is a significant loss.

My relationship with Roger was a comfortable one. Not having a long history, having met him only when I entered his son's life in adulthood, helped with this, I'm sure. He wasn't a talkative man or a demonstrative person, and he was a quiet man unless he had something to say or an inquire into the conversation. Most of the time, I hadn't a clue what he was thinking or feeling, but after he died, I sat quietly and thought of times where I'd felt a connection.

*The first Christmas I spent with the Boos family was a tough one. It was my first holiday away from my family, and my first experience in sharing another family's traditions so vastly different from my own. I went through periods of loneliness and sometimes a sadness so high I thought I might burst from the pain of it, but I somehow held it together. I didn't think anyone had noticed.

As the evening came to a close, Tom and I were saying our good-byes. Roger, without any prompting, reached out both arms and gathered me close. Unusual for him. He was the type to participate in a hug, but rarely would he initiate one. This hug was a real one, tight and embracing, and as we hugged, he thanked me and then told me he loved me.

He had noticed, and he understood how forgoing my family Christmas to be with Tom, and his family had affected me. I chalk that Christmas up as one of my most memorable ones.

*Several years ago, while sitting on my in-laws' couch, I was staring at a print hanging on their wall. It had been there for a few years, but staring at it that day, one of those days where I had experienced a particularly bad episode, the print with the wolves in the snow instantly brought me peace. It was very healing. I sat quietly with these wolves in the snow, their stares telling me all would work out fine.

I related this when my MIL and FIL joined me, jokingly asking if I could have the print when they were deceased. I told them I truly liked the print and how it spoke to me. My MIL joked about other items in her house and then related a story of an instance after her own mother had died. Then we moved on.

A few days later, they came for dinner. My MIL took me aside.

Mary Anne: "After you left the other night, Roger took down the print over the couch and wrote your name on the back."

Me: "Seriously? But I was only kidding about that."

Mary Anne: "Doesn't matter. It's yours now. I've never known him to do something like that, but he really wants you to have it." She laughed. "But I'm not dead yet, so don't get too excited."

I was numb for the rest of the evening but in a good way. Not about someday receiving a print, but about the gesture. He heard me, joking aside, and understood. I don't care if I ever own the wolf picture many, many years from now. Roger's doing what he did means far more to me than those wolves. Perhaps that is what the wolf was telling me...

*Roger was with me the day I learned to swallow pills. He was at our house during the week hanging wallpaper in our guest bathroom. I was pregnant, had just been told I could no longer take prenatal liquid vitamins, and I had been sitting at my kitchen table for half an hour trying to choke down the prenatal horse pill.

Every so often, I left the pill and wandered in to talk to him. He never judged me. Never asked how the swallowing was coming. We discussed wallpaper and colors. When the pill finally went down my throat - a surprise and with very little work - I danced throughout the house, cheering myself loudly. Roger just smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I like remembering that moment.

*My last recollection is time spent with him while I cooked. He came to our house for dinners when Mary Anne was traveling. Because Tom wasn't home from work yet, he'd sit at my kitchen table and watch me work. Roger He was not an idle chit chatterer. He was a great listener, offering comments now and again. I understood that by then and so I'd ask questions or I'd tell him stories. Sometimes he'd nod off for a catnap.

Not long ago, I was making spaghetti. After pouring the sauce into the pan, I added water to the jar and shook it to get out the residue of the sauce. A trick my mother taught me years ago when I bothered to pay attention.

Roger: "Interesting that you do that. My mother always did that when cooking. I didn't think anyone nowadays did things like that."

Me: "My mom also did that. You might mention this to her next time you see her. I could use some brownie points, especially her knowing I paid some attention to her when we cooked."

He smiled, and the moment was gone. But, from now on, every time I cook spaghetti, I bet I think of Roger.

I'm grateful to have known him. Grateful, he accepted me into his family with open arms - figuratively speaking - because he did it in his very Roger-like way, quietly and with his whole heart. He will be missed.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Thinking I might turn this into a new job

My shopping receipts usually get shoved into a pocket of my purse or pushed into the back pocket of my pants. Lately, in this cold weather, they've come to reside in my coat pocket. From these pockets, they eventually are removed and lay on my kitchen window sill for a few days. From there, they get moved to my desk, where they are ultimately tallied and/or moved into a box. Each month I remain steadfast about keeping those receipts and making sure to computerize them into an excel spreadsheet so that I can keep track of my spending. Most months, the box ends up in the trash before making it on to the computer.

About two weeks ago, while shoving a receipt into my purse pocket, I saw that the receipt offered me an online survey to share my shopping experience, offering cash or gift cards if I followed through. I checked other receipts and found the same thing. They all want my opinion!

This reminded me of an article I had read several months ago about a man who turned in old lottery tickets because the lottery offered gifts and prizes for returned used tickets. He was cashing in on all sorts of goodies, and so I thought I'd try to do the same with these receipt surveys.

The first was for Panera Bread, and I was offered to be entered into a drawing. For what I don't remember. I didn't write this down, and I think I shredded the receipt. Hey, it was the first one.

I filled out seven more surveys after the Panera Bread and found the questions very similar. How did I find the cleanliness of the restaurant/business? The bathrooms? My Target scored low on this one, and that led to another question asking me for suggestions on improvements. I gave them a few.

How did I find the pharmacy department? At Walgreens, where I had a prescription filled, it took forty-five minutes, and when they encountered a problem with my insurance card, the single clerk working the counter AND the drive-thru window had to deal with it while both areas backed up with customers. My suggestion for improvement there was to hire two clerks on weekends.

The vast majority of the questions concern the food I purchased, or the product, or the cashiers, or the employees. Did an employee help me? Did an employee approach me offering help? Was I able to find all of my items? Were the aisles clean, neat, and products easily visible? Would I recommend this business to others? How likely was I to return? Only Walmart and Sam's Club seemed interested in the other companies I frequented.

Each survey ended with a promise to enter my name into a drawing, and each business offered different rewards. Radio Shack gave me a $10.00 printable coupon off of $40.00 or more. Marshall's offered a $500 gift card. Walmart and Sam's Club entered me in a $1,000 gift card drawing. Walgreens was giving away $3,000 in cash, and Target was the most with a $5,000 in a Target gift card.

I'll keep you posted on what I win! Or how much spam mail I think I'm now going to receive.

Monday, January 18, 2010

NFL Monday recap

  • The Cowboys are upset because the Vikings scored in the last few minutes even though they were far ahead? Really? This is the NFL, not high school. This is the playoffs, not the regular season. I'm all for a "mercy" ruling from a coach, but I'm sorry I don't believe this was one of those times. On Thursday, my 7th grader played a basketball game against another team comprised of 6th, 7th, and mainly 8th graders. My daughter's team has three 7th graders, no 8th graders, four 6th graders, and the rest is made up of ten-year-old 5th graders. At the end of the first quarter, the score was 27 - 3. In the second quarter, the other coach took out his first string. That is a "mercy" ruling and the right time to apply it. Final score: 53 - 10. Not one student complained at the end of the game. So you see, I don't have much sympathy for the Cowboy's Brooking's whining. Suck it up little man or better yet...stop the Vikings on defense!
  • Thoughts and prayers to Gaines Adams' family. By all accounts, a real, humble guy who loved playing football and loved his kids. Another life cut short. He was 26 years old.
  • I'm always amazed at how talk turns to the losing playoff teams' coaches and whether or not they should lose their jobs. The Chargers Norv Turner who can't seem to pull his team through a playoff win. The Cowboys Wade Phillips, who hasn't been to a playoff in years. Both men are on the "will they" or "won't they" list. My feeling? A coach who got the team to the playoffs deserves another shot. Obviously, something went right to get them there.
  • The Vikings/Saints game should be exciting next week. Can Drew Brees fire up his arm playing a defensive team? Gonna be good.
  • The underdog Jets have what a lot of playoff teams lack: swagger confidence. When you are the team not expected to win, you want to work harder to prove you have what it takes. Ask last year's Super Bowl winners...they'll tell ya.
  • Best line: Talking about whether or not Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner would retire or not, Dan Marino said, "He's got 6 kids and a minivan he'll be back!"
  • Is it just me, or would others like to see a Brett Favre/Peyton Manning Super Bowl?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Why we didn't test her for gifted - out of the mouths of my babes

Me: "Seriously, Darcy, the dog is whining. You really need to run him down to the end of the street and back so that he can get some exercise and pee."

Darcy: "I took him out. But you know that house at the end of the street where Elliot always loved to pee in their nice grass? Well, for some reason, they replaced the grass with HAY, and now he doesn't like going there."

Me: "Hay?"

Darcy: "Yes, their yard is now hay! It's crazy. Why would they do that?"

Well, they haven't. In the weeks of cold weather and frost, the neighbor's yard has died, and the grass has turned from green to brown.

Florida kids. They don't know real winters...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Enterprise Village - working for a living

Today Darcy and I (along with her classmates, teachers, and parent volunteers) went on a field trip to a "self-contained economic education program" where students work hands-on in a simulated village.
The village has twenty different businesses, including a restaurant, a bank, a television studio, a radio station, and a newspaper. There is a grocery store, a pharmacy, a city hall, and several professional offices.

Eight weeks before the trip, the children began studying economic education objectives that taught them about writing checks, keeping a checkbook register, applying for a job, and working in groups. Darcy was hired as the bookkeeper for McDonald's. I was assigned to the newspaper.



The day began with the students in their businesses. Each student had a book explaining his/her position and the preparations needed for the start of the workday.

The bookkeepers processed the paychecks for the employees. Each employee received three paychecks throughout the day that were to be deposited and/or cashed at the bank. That money could then be used to shop at the businesses in the village. Cash is only accepted at a few places, so the children had to open checking accounts.

The bookkeeper worked on a computer and printed out the checks. The other checks processed were for bills the company received throughout the day. The first check Darcy wrote was to the supply company.

The day officially began after the national anthem, where all the employees gathered in the center of the village. The mayor started the workday, and the children began scrambling. At the newspaper, we had a photographer, a reporter, an editor, an ad salesman, and a bookkeeper.

Each business also had a television so the students could watch the HSN network where student hosts hawked all sorts of items. Students could pick up the main phone in the village or use the phone in their community to place an order or make a comment. Telephones were also used to request songs at the radio station. HSN was one of the businesses run by our school, and watching our student "hosts" was quite entertaining.

Each child had to take three breaks. Before each break, the employees received one paycheck, where they then headed to the bank to endorse the check and decided how much to deposit or how much cash he/she needed for the break. Then off he/she went to spend the money. All the money had to be used by the close of the day.

While half of the kids were on a break, the other half picked up those positions if necessary. Darcy got to serve up hamburgers, chicken nuggets, sodas, salads, popcorn, and cookies. The food at McDonald's is real food ordered ahead of time and brought to the facility an hour before lunch. The McDonald's crew had to unload and put the food under warmers until they had customers to serve. They also had to keep the tables clean and sweep the floors.



At the professional offices, there was a lawyer who had two cases. Another school had this business, but two years ago, when Madison went on this field trip, she was the town lawyer. The lawyer must review the cases, conduct an investigation, and interview witnesses. One of the cases this year was someone suing McDonald's for slipping on a dropped pickle.




By the end of the day, the bookkeepers must tally the books. Darcy had to count the profits (McDonald's was the only cash business), deduct the bills and salaries, and come up with the day's earnings. She then had to take the money to the bank and make the deposit.


She also had to get up at the end of the day at the town meeting and inform everyone of McDonald's profit. Of course, McDonald's was the business that brought in the most significant gain....$135.50.

Also, at the town meeting, the mayor gave a speech and awarded the "business of the day." The museum gave away a T' shirt from a drawing that they held throughout the day. The lawyer announced the outcome of the two cases, and the charity announced its take on donations.

Darcy won the T'shirt! I donated some money to the village and got a "volunteer survivor" T' shirt.

We were all exhausted as we left for the day, but we all agreed that it was one of the best experiences ever...especially for school!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Knowing the important things in your job

On Wednesday, my daughter is going to be spending the day at a local co-op for the school systems. It is a village with real businesses where the children will work.  Each school is assigned to individual companies, and the children filled out job applications and completed the interview process for the positions.

Darcy was keen on becoming a cashier at the supermarket, but the teacher felt that she was more qualified for the bookkeeper position at McDonald's. When Darcy found out she hadn't gotten the job she wanted, she cried and horrified at this, the teacher took her aside and explained how Darcy had been chosen for this job because of her math knowledge. Darcy doesn't feel she is a math student. She prefers to tell everyone that is her sister's forte. Her math teacher has worked really hard at getting her to think positively and to get her to overcome that way of thinking. She thought giving her this job would be a reward.

I talked to Darcy at home about the situation in my normal Cara-way.

Me: "I'm hoping you aspire higher than a cashier, honey, that's why we're spending so much money on your education."

I realized after those words left my lips that perhaps I should be a tad more tactful. So, I discussed the reasoning behind the math teacher's thinking. How Darcy is a decent math student. How the harder she works in the subject, the more proficient she will become. I talked about how math is everywhere in life. How she already has a jump on things because she has been keeping her own bank account and bank book for several years.

The conversation seemed to work because, for the past week, she embraced her upcoming job. At school, she studied minimal accounting and completed an accounting packet that included keeping a register, depositing checks, and writing paychecks. She concentrated on keeping the numbers nicely written in columns, and she used beautiful handwriting to fill out the slips and checks.

Saturday night, she told her father all about the upcoming field trip and her job. She was very enthusiastic about her role as the bookkeeper. When she finished, she said she needed both our advice on something. We had visions of questions concerning her job, and we assured her we would help her in any way.

She disappeared, returning with two outfits, one in each hand.

Darcy: "Which outfit should I wear and what shoes would look best?"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Weekend Snippets

  • Saturday morning was 36 degrees when Madison took the soccer field. While they played, it began to sleet, something that hasn't happened in our Florida area since 1996. Madison thought it was hale, chunks of ice she could hold in her hand. Had it been one degree colder, it would have been snow, according to meteorologists.
  • Darcy's lips and the skin around her lips are red and chapped, and she has been very miserable. Chapstick burns and licking the area makes it worse. I read an article Friday morning in our newspaper that recommended Vaseline, so we bought a tub of it that night. She spent the entire weekend walking around with bright globs of Vaseline all around her face. We didn't laugh because it worked.
  • I have decided that when I walk the dog around the neighborhood, I need to carry a trash bag to dump in all the trash that litters the streets. With the wind, we've had everyone's waste and/or recycling has blown out of cans and bins and scattered our neighborhood. Typically, I probably wouldn't have even noticed, but my dog insists on picking up every piece and running with it. Elliot has licked milk out of a container, finished off a bagel in a bag, shredded napkins and tissues, chewed a chicken bone, and smoked some cigarette butts. Disgusting habits this dog is picking up while exercising.
  • Despite the fact my Steelers are not being in the playoffs, I have enjoyed football playoff weekend, especially the part where the Patriots and Bengals were eliminated. Work on the soon-to-be Steelers' room starts this week.
  • To get out of the house on Saturday, we took Elliot and his new friend, Bella, to PetSmart. A big day there on Saturdays. The two dogs met all types and sizes of dogs. The adults and children? We couldn't get over the pile of dog poop that undoubtedly came from a horse right outside the store.
  • The cold weather kept us bundled up under blankets and dressed in Snuggies most of the weekend, but it kept us close together whether working on homework, reading, watching football, playing Barbies, or eating chili.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Self-defense classes are a must now

Barbie had a terrible misfortune over the weekend. She was abducted from her house but she didn't go down without a fight. She managed to escape, but unfortunately, she sustained major injuries to her right hand, right leg, and both feet. She is recovering nicely at home.


Luckily, the perpetrator was caught and dealt with accordingly.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Chilly in Florida

Yes, I know it is cold in many parts of the country, but I live in Florida. The highs this time of the year are usually in the high 60's and 70's with the lows in the 50's. Since before Christmas, we have had highs in the 50's and since the beginning of this week, it has been even lower.

Most of the time I would just whine a little about the weather, but now that I'm out walking a dog and standing around waiting for him to do his "business" I'm really getting a taste of the weather. Here are 5 horrors regarding cooler temperatures in Florida:

  • We keep breaking records this season for the coldest morning temperatures. I walked the dog the other morning and it was only 27 degrees!
  • The wind is wicked when combined with the cooler temperatures. Walking the dog against the wind is a killer because I don't own a winter coat. I finally broke down and dug out my University of Evansville scarf and winter hat just to make it around the block.
  • The farmers are losing crops, especially the strawberries which are scheduled for picking in a couple of weeks. Fewer strawberries mean higher prices, but I just keep thinking how miserable it has to be for the farmers out watering their crops hoping to freeze the fruit.
  • Yesterday people reported frost and some ice on their vehicles in the early morning. My favorite photo was the top of a frosted car where someone had written, "the sunshine state" in the frost.
  • Today another cold front is moving into the state bringing rain, and at one time even the possibility of snow. My children were very excited about this and are now going to be disappointed that the forecasters have since changed their stories.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Changes - they are a coming



Over the holiday break, we replaced our garage door. That very same day our new Wineberry storm door was put also installed. Just to confuse the issue it was also the day all my relatives arrived for Christmas.

Both doors have been a great addition. I am madly in love with my storm door and can now see my house painted in the green color my husband chose.

The tile has been ordered for the dining room and (GASP!) the kitchen. Remodeling might just start next week. The painting might also start next week. Either way, I'm relaxed and not holding my breath. Instead, I like to go outside and look at my new Wineberry door.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

What happens when Tom is left in charge of the dog



A little mess in the bathroom (where the door was not shut)

Hmmmm.....and he wonders why I want to pull up this carpet and replace it with tile...

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Giving other teams a chance...

I enjoyed the last Steelers game of the season at my buddy Scott's house. He saved me a place on the couch and we watched his satellite NFL package on the high definition big screen. Much better than the computer where I've watched most of the games this season or the smoky bar where Kelly and I watched one game.

It was good to see the gang working hard for a change. Good to go out on a win. I hate that we aren't in the playoffs, but the players have no one to blame but themselves. We should not have lost those three easy gimmes.

I'm thinking of going outside the box and rooting for the Vikings. It would be nice to see Brett win another one and finally stop chasing whatever dream or goal he seems bent on having. Or maybe he is still trying to prove something to someone. But then again I love me some Peyton Manning!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Christmas 2009 gifts for me

This gift wasn't a Christmas gift, but one I bought myself with my birthday money. These boots are made out of a sweater material with fuzzy happiness inside to keep my feet oh, so warm in our Florida winters. They are based on the Uggs my sister-in-law wears in her harsh, snowy weather. I have pretty much worn these 24/7 for the past two weeks. As our weather is now going to only be in the '50s for the next week or so I have a feeling these puppies are going to come in handy even more!

These books were given to us (and Elliot) by Uncles Dick and Clint for Christmas. Funny thing is it is also the only package that Elliot bothered under the tree (notice the chewed cover, bottom right side of the red book). I have read these books and gotten helpful advice regarding Elliot.

The best chapter was on how a dog plays with another dog. This helped relieve a lot of the stress I have when Elliot plays with his buddy, Coco. Apparently, everything the two of them do with one another is normal. Whew!

I received this from my SIL Susan for my soon-to-be Steelers room. It will join my Troy Polamalu fathead I got from Kelly after the flat roof is put in above our playroom. Then I will begin remodeling the room from the playroom to the Steelers room!

I received two of these babies for Christmas. I saw the infomercial about three weeks before Christmas right after having some trouble with my little electric chopper. Kelly witnessed my trouble and purchased one for me, as did my friend Jyoti.

One for each hand! I used this to chop onions and carrots for the split pea soup that I made with the leftover Honey Baked ham. It worked quite nicely and was easy to clean. Should come in handy for my new healthy eating habit that I plan to begin on Monday.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Reality sets in

All the relatives left on Wednesday when the weather was in the '70s. Warmer than when everyone was here. Thursday was even warmer and because we were bored with an empty house we headed over to the beach and the empty beach house that my cousins had vacated early.

Unfortunately by the time, we managed this the sun was mostly behind the clouds and the wind was stronger by the water. The empty beach house was depressing despite the next-door neighbors Rick and Shanda who welcomed us.

On the beach, I sat and completed the day's crossword puzzle, Madison made a half-hearted attempt at building sandcastles, and Darcy wandered the shoreline. When the sun was out the weather was perfect and we could lean back in our chairs and turn our heads upward.



When the sun disappeared behind the clouds and the wind picked up it was just too chilly for us in our shorts and skirts. The girls did well to keep warm by moving around.





Darcy quit first and she went into the beach house to read. Madison and I lasted another hour before admitting defeat to join her. The emptiness of the beach house was too sad and so we left.



That's when it hit us...vacation is coming to a close...