Easter 2024

Oleg's family invited us for Easter. We had a great time with food, games, and an Easter egg hunt. Grammy came with us, but Oleg and Darcy were working. It was relaxing not to host or collaborate with the Easter Bunny.

The egg hunt was indoors and outside, and naturally, like every year, we didn't find all the eggs. That's become a tradition. 

Happy Easter to all who celebrate!

My first book signing

I went to my first book signing yesterday while Darcy had her bachelorette weekend. While she and her bridal party were learning to pole dance, I was selling our anthology and chatting up readers.

It was a four-hour drive south to a reader's library day, but my cohort, Charley, and I had no trouble passing the time. We got there in plenty of time, set up our table, and wandered the room, meeting other authors. Behind us, to our left, was a woman who wrote a book titled The Golfer's Wife. I told her my brother was a golf professional. She asked where, and when I told her, it turned out she, too, was from Indiana.

Hearing that, the author to my left told me he was from Indiana. I wandered over to chat with him, learned he lived near Terre Haute, told him I owned a farm nearby, and discovered he knew my Uncle Cockeye.

Him: "Who didn't know Cockeye?"  

What are the odds?

I returned to our table and found a guy I'd befriended at a local conference. He bought a book, and the three of us chatted. At one point, he thought I said the Spanish word for water when telling him the name of a product.

Me: "I said Awk-quah. How did you hear Ah-qwa?"

He and I argued back and forth on what I had said, all in good fun. Later, we asked him to recommend a place for dinner, and he suggested a restaurant, giving us the street names like we were locals. We reminded him we weren't, but he didn't know the restaurant's name, so he asked another author.

Her: "Aqua."

Charley and I took that as a sign and went there for dinner after the book signing, laughing the entire time. It was 10/10, and we got there for happy hour.

I didn't come out ahead, but I'm enjoying the experience. If you want to support me, email me at cmkerwin@gmail.com, and I'll send you a signed copy of our anthology for $10.

Moving right along with wedding prep

The wedding venue has been chosen. I have not seen it, and it isn't near us, but it's signed and sealed. Darcy wanted an outdoor wedding, and barns are apparently the newest thing here. This venue, a wedding barn on tons of land, is brand new. Their wedding will be the first one here, and the owners sound very accommodating and open to things. It is all-inclusive if you want, including a wedding planner. 

Darcy is going with them for the flowers, appetizers, and venue, but the food is from a local taco food truck that caters. The DJ is a friend of hers from the church youth group and the photographer she found with the help of my photographer niece. 

In August 2022, when my buddy Sharon (Aunt Sharon to my daughters) met Oleg for the first time, she told him she wanted to be the flower girl at their wedding. 

Sharon: "It's always been my dream to be a flower girl. I want to wear a frilly dress, have my hair done, and carry a basket of flowers."

She made us call Darcy, who was traveling solo in Arizona, to nail down that role, and Darcy agreed. 

Darcy: "I haven't been asked yet, though."

A year later, Sharon met Oleg's family and told them she would be the flower girl at Oleg and Darcy's wedding. Oleg's grandmother wasn't convinced. I don't think she believed Sharon, especially when Sharon dropped to her knees and proceeded to waddle down a pretend aisle, throwing pretend flowers.

When Darcy got engaged, I asked who would officiate, and when she shrugged, I mentioned Sharon. I said out of everyone we knew, Sharon would be willing, would get ordained, and would be perfect. Darcy called Sharon first when she and Oleg picked the April date. 

Sharon agreed to give up her flower girl dream.

Sharon: "Unless we can incorporate both of those in the wedding, which I think is very doable."

So far, Darcy has vetoed that. 

But Sharon is ordained and ready to officiate. 

Things are moving along smoothly and quickly.

Wedding mishap #2

The wedding dress has arrived! Whew. Darcy and I went for the fitting, and what we thought would take a few minutes turned into a couple of hours, and tons more money shelled out.

I attempted to get her tucked into the dress (remember it is a size too small) but finally asked for assistance. While the seamstress quietly went to work on the corset back, I tried to get the woman to interact. I think she said at most twenty words the entire two hours. When I said I thought the dress was too tight, she looked at me. When Darcy pointed out something, she looked at her. I was really trying to remain calm and remember the "I got the wedding preparations" instructions, but Darcy wasn't doing much in that area.

Darcy: "Well, I've never done this before!"

I finally unhooked a clasp, and Darcy breathed. The seamstress said nothing and went about hemming, sticking pins into the wad of tule, lace, and satin. Darcy and I kept making eye contact over her head and in the mirror, and yeah, what the hell?

Finally, I stood up, went to the back of the dress, and demanded we do something so she could breathe and not have the dress dig into her skin all night. 

Added after the wedding

The seamstress nodded and explained she planned on moving the fabric behind the corset to loosen it and move the clasp. Seriously? She couldn't have said this upfront. Was she hearing the ocean when I spoke like my husband?

The alterations paid for, we headed out, and I asked what she planned to wear on her head. When she said a veil, I asked when she planned on doing that, and we headed back to the veil section.

Darcy: "I didn't know. I've never done this before!"

Of course, we had to ask for help. I did keep my cool when the girl asked if I had an appointment. I mentioned how a veil might have been a thing we should've been steered toward at the first appointment when we shopped for the dress.

She got me help. 

We picked out a veil. I shelled out more money. Crisis averted.

Miscommunication or were they bought?

In researching Ukraine traditions, I came across a blog of a girl born into the country. She had moved as a child but still had family there, and when she and her finance traveled, she took him there to visit. Her cousin was getting married, and the girl blogged the entire wedding, explaining the traditions she hadn't known about. 

One was where the groom-to-be came to his fiance's house to claim his bride, offering gifts to her parents. I read different versions and concluded it to be a fun, how-well-do-you-know-your-fiance type of game. The gist of it was that the bride-to-be's family and bridesmaids would refuse to hand her over, asking the groom-to-be questions and upping the gift ante for every wrong answer. The bridal party was like a defense against him capturing Darcy.

I told Oleg it would be fun to do it after the bridal shower had concluded. 

So, when he pulled up to the house, Darcy's posse was ready.

Maddy captured him right away, but then he escaped, and when he returned, he came bearing homemade gift boxes for all of the bridesmaids. They caved. Darcy and I were unimpressed, so it was up to the parents. But Tom was modeling suits before heading to the tux shop the next day, and when Oleg arrived, Tom was finishing a beer and trying on guests' jackets he found lying around. 

We called it quits and turned the bride-to-be over to the groom-to-be. 

Maybe we'll have better luck with the Ukrainian wedding traditions.

Darcy's Bridal Shower

As I mentioned, I suck at hosting and planning big events. Want to come over and watch football or play games? I'll provide snacks and drinks. Get up and help yourself. But decorating, finger foods, and fancy things? Ugh. I know my limits. 

I offered to give Darcy a bridal shower. In hindsight, maybe I should have left that to Madison, but she's overwhelmed with work, and I was trying to be helpful. 

Thank god for my friend SueG.

With her help, we created a shower that included breakfast and games, as Darcy had requested. Our neighborhood breakfast place catered the main dishes. Oleg's family brought food. SueG popped baby quiches in the oven. I researched and devised games. We opened several bottles of champagne, and her friend posse stayed to chat and laugh afterward.

We're getting closer to the big day!

It's official! I'm published!

The other life change in January was finishing my romance short story for an anthology our writing group (The Write Spice) decided upon at our Christmas retreat. I figured I could do it because Christmas was the only thing stretched out before me at that retreat. Who knew that life would throw a curveball and we’d be planning a wedding?

I had to make some adjustments, the hardest of which was going from writing a 75,000+ word novel to a 6,000-word short story. As I’ve mentioned many times, there are tons of rules to romance writing. I had to research those same rules and suggestions for reducing my word count by more than half.

But I did it, and no, it was not easy. I originally hoped to set the scene for my romance series, but that plan went awry, and I had to scrap several writing drafts. My Orlando trip disrupted my writing plans, and even though I wrote frantically at the pool, in the car, and in my head, I discarded most of it, too.

When I got home, I wrote like a fiend. While I missed the deadline, these ladies gave me leeway, accepting my lateness and helping me through the other processes where I lagged. Eventually, my story came together, and I submitted it and got caught up in critiquing everyone else’s manuscript.

Our book launched! It’s available at major retailers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple. I am officially a published author.

Of course, early sales went to my relatives. Shout out to all of you who support me! I love you!

The great thing is how much I’ve learned about the process. I have experience working with an editor, going live on a Facebook Launch, and interviewing on a podcast. From there, I applied to be an officially published author on Amazon and finally created a website.

When we received our paperback copies, we discovered several mistakes. I worked with the software to correct those, and now I have a better idea of how to self-publish my book when the time comes.

It’s been a fabulous experience. Have I mentioned that I’m a published author?

Those interested in romance can find it HERE. The paperback version is a tad expensive (we don’t set that for Amazon), so if you are interested in a signed paperback version, email me at cmkerwin@gmail.com. I’m selling them for $10.

The wedding cake

Darcy is all about her wedding pictures. Unlike her mother, who hates getting photographed, she is obsessed with having photos of the big day, touching on those traditional wedding picture points. While discussing this desire, I asked what she would do for the cake-cutting picture. Darcy doesn't like cake and instead plans on having a cookie cake, which she has every year for her birthday.

Darcy: "I'll have a fake cake."

Me: "A what?"

Darcy: "I'll have Maddy make a fake cake."

And she did. 

The big 16!

The thing about weddings and wedding planning is that everything else is second best. Tonight, while celebrating Nikita's 16th birthday, Oleg and Darcy's wedding was the main topic of conversation, and with that came drama.

Oleg's family worries about following American traditions while also wanting their own. Since I'd been researching those, we discussed them at our end of the table. Darcy, at the other end of the table, didn't like that. She doesn't want help planning. She is insistent on doing things her way, and I'm trying to respect that, although I find my feelings bruised. 

And that is silly. I'm insecure about significant events. I should be thrilled.

Somewhere in the middle, we had dinner and ate cake to celebrate Nikita.

Later, Darcy and I talked over our feelings, and a few days later, she sat down with his family and explained how the wedding would proceed, using items on the restaurant table to represent all of us. 

Happy Birthday, Nikita. Next year, we'll give you our undivided attention!

Wedding prep mishap #1

 The wedding dress did not arrive. I received the panicked bride's phone call. In her meltdown, we went from no one could tell me anything to they ordered the wrong dress. After talking her off the ledge and pacing the floor, I ignored the prior "I have the wedding preparations under control" instructions and called the dress company. 

After all, I'd paid big bucks for the dress. 

I talked to two different managers, exchanging personal phone numbers and videos of the dress, before I understood the situation--or somewhat understood what she spouted. It went something like this:

These dresses come in a standard sheath in white or ivory, and the overlay is created by hand. Because of our time frame, the correct size sheath for that dress wasn't available. No one could tell me why, so we ordered a smaller size after the seamstress assured us she could fix this issue in alterations. This dress had multiple delicate beads and lace and required a lot of fancy hand stitching. It wasn't finished. 

But it would be, and we would not get charged a late alteration fee. I reminded the manager I had her personal cell phone number if it didn't, and she laughed. 

The bride-to-be wiped her tears. I patted myself on the back. Crisis averted--for now.

Now I have to get home and write

True to his word, we relaxed. I received the early morning breakfast text, and when I declined, my brother called.

Rusty: "Get down here. I'm buying."

I went—not because he was buying, as he did the entire trip, but because I've whined about how he doesn't spend time with me, and here he insisted. 

It was a nice breakfast spot. As often as I travel to Bonnet Creek, I've never eaten there. The seating was outside, and despite the heat, it was lovely. 

We spent the day poolside. I wrote. They swam. Eventually, I joined them on the lazy river. Later that afternoon, I made Rusty participate in the "How well do you know your songs" game. It went from the 1950's to now. We did not come in the top three. I bet we were fourth. The DJ gave us points for Rusty's creative song titles for the ones he didn't know. 

Dinner that night was fancy at an expensive restaurant that they went to last year. Unfortunately, after we were seated, we discovered someone had hacked Susan's Facebook and Instagram accounts, which threw off the evening. Still, my dinner was lovely.

Susan and I stayed up into the wee hours repairing what damage we could, but she never did get her Facebook back. Make sure you have the two-step authenticity set up on Meta accounts. 

I bid them goodbye after check-out this morning and headed home. My heart is filled with happiness and love, and if that's my last adventure with my brother, I'm okay with it because this was THE BEST.

We're going where?

The following day, I exited the bathroom to find my brother standing outside the door.

Rusty: "Get dressed. We're going to Universal Studios."

I reacted like a Floridian hearing the news in the middle of August. It came out in a shriek that pierced his ears and drifted down the hallway for everyone to hear.

Me: "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" 

My brother did not accept this response. He shoved me into my room and instructed me to get dressed and be ready in thirty minutes. I whined the entire time, reminding him of last night's promise. It did no good. Susan wanted to relive her Universal experience as a child, and Rusty was all about pleasing the wife. 

Rusty: "I'm buying. Get in the car."

When my children saw the SnapChat of the above picture, Darcy immediately texted her sister. Together, they speculated who or what had invaded my body.

MOM IS AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS???

Yes, I was--under protest. 

I am a park person, preferably in chilly weather, and at Disney World, where they pick you up in the parking lot and shuttle you to the entrance. I had half my daily step count just walking from our car to the Universal ticket booth!

But this trip was about spending time with my brother, and this year is about opening myself to new things, so I begrudgingly enjoyed the day. 

We walked from one end of Universal to the other. It's been years since I was there, so when we tried to find the Harry Potter world, I had only a vague idea that we had to find a secret entrance. I also reluctantly allowed myself to be photographed. 

The lines were tolerable, the adventures fun, and we shared a butterbeer. By the time dusk fell, we were all happy to find a restaurant to sit our butts in a chair and eat. That was not, however, the end. After dinner, my brother made us walk some more, and by the time we finally got back to our car, I was sure tomorrow would be the day I couldn't walk. 

Rusty: "It doesn't matter. Tomorrow, we relax."

Uh huh.

Orlando with my bro

The PGA merchandising show comes to Orlando every January. My brother, a PGA professional, attends most of them. Last year, he and his family came to Florida, and when I suggested that my family come too, he declined. It hurt. My kids were hurt. My husband was pissed. And I was resigned. Been there, done that. 

This year, he had a change of heart and invited me to stay and attend the show. While his kids weren't coming, his wife was, and she and I made plans for her to help up my step count for my 2024 resolutions.

They came for a week. I went for a few days, arriving in time to head out with them for dinner. 

We were up bright and early the next day for the merchandising show. I'm unsure what I expected, but it wasn't what I got. While I knew the Orlando Convention Center was big (I'd been to the NRA convention when I bought tickets to see Toby Keith perform), I didn't realize it was ACRES of land. This thing went for MILES with rows upon rows, each labeled to work with the PGA app. He scheduled appointments with vendors while we ate breakfast and had coffee in a little food court area. Then we were off, and Susan made good on the increase in the step count. I was lucky I was still mobile the next day.

We went down almost every row. Each row had several vendors, all related to golf in some way. If I didn't know anything about the sport, I certainly did after today. My brother chatted with salesmen and women, exchanged business cards, got his badge scanned multiple times, and asked a million questions. Watching him do his thing was cool, and I might have been a bit proud. We should've run a country club together. I bet we would've been a success.

I chatted up some salespeople, but my main focus was scoring free loot. I got tons of pens, but I also snagged some men's socks (my husband loves them), hair ties, and odd things like beads I'll never wear. Still, a convention isn't a convention without coming home with free crap. Plus, I love pens! It became a game of how many pens I could get and how stealthy I could be in claiming them. My brother was impressed.

Lunch was at another food court, sitting at tables with strangers. Susan and I wandered when my brother had his meetings. The last one was in an interactive area, but we chose not to participate because our legs were shaking from so much walking.

Unfortunately, this was at the end of the convention center, which meant we had to walk back to the entrance. Then, we had to walk miles away to the car. I had over 15,000 steps. That is double what I try to get daily, and something I have NEVER done since owning an Apple watch. I had to use the massage gun on my feet that night in our Wyndham.

Thursday morning, those two were up early for breakfast at the outside cafe at our resort. They tagged my phone, but I opted to chill in the unit and have coffee. I was on a deadline for an anthology my writing group, The Write Spice, is putting out next month. I had a vague notion of my story but did not have the damn thing written. 

My time was short-lived. These two returned to the room, and we were off. We hit the pool. We took a hike around the resort. Later, we went for an early dinner, and before we retired for the night, I asked what the plan was for the next day.

Rusty: "Nothing. We're chilling here."

I asked again to make sure, and getting the same response, I wrote long into the night.

Ah, you know how I like to foreshadow...

Toilet paper hack

My refrigerator smells.

It's not a rotting food smell, but more like a chemical odor, and apparently, my nose is the only one that detects it. The hubby thinks I’m nuts. Madison, not wanting to say that I’m crazy, can “sort of smell something off.”

It first started with the ice. I thought something was wrong with the new water bottle I’d purchased for the gym. The water tasted icky. I kept pouring it out and starting new, and it finally took Darcy using the ice in her water bottle to diagnosis the problem. From there, it went into the smell and now it’s seeping into dairy items.

Google warned me of a Freon leak. That set off the hubby, who treated me to a gas, solid, liquid lecture that rivaled any college science course. Of course, all I heard was science and you’re wrong. Good thing there will not be a test.

I removed everything from the refrigerator and cleaned it from top to bottom. Then, I put a carton of baking soda in it, and because I’d heard this hack on a radio show a month ago, a roll of toilet paper. It supposedly absorbs excess moisture, which is a breeding ground for bacteria. That is not my problem, hello, CHEMICAL scent, but I'm desperate.

The question is, how long do you think it will take before Tom or Maddy notices?

Venues, dresses, and invitations.

Today, we shopped for wedding dresses. It's a good thing this date was on the docket long before the change. After an outdoor brunch where we froze to death, the bridesmaids, the groom’s family, and I went to help Darcy find a dress.

Brides-to-be crowded the store. They were everywhere, as were flower girls, bridesmaids, and mothers. Unlike what one sees on television, it was chaos, but Darcy found her dress within an hour. I can't show that here.

Added after the wedding

In other wedding news, venue shopping is not for the faint at heart. I bet that by the time this is all done, Darcy will have shopped over fifty venues. How nuts is that? 

She asked me to meet her at a country club, and because she was late coming from work and the coordinator had another appointment, I went ahead and started the tour. It was a typical country club, and I am experienced in that; I grew up in one, worked for one, and now watch my brother run one. 

Darcy originally was not set on a club, but desperation has set in. This club was owned by the organization I once worked for, so we chatted while we walked from the inside wedding site to the two outside areas where they host weddings. 

There was already a visitor in the first area.

The coordinator was shocked. She'd never seen a gator this close and had never experienced one in the wedding area. 

Me: "This is Florida. Any body of water harbors alligators."

At this point, Darcy called me to find out where we were. She joined us, looked at the gator, and shook her head.

Darcy: "This is not a good selling point."

The second area was right in the middle of the golf course, under a shady tree and far from water. But we were told that they would stop the golfers during the ceremony. Meaning they would be sitting on their golf carts waiting and watching, most likely annoyed.

I'd rather have the alligator.

I toured another venue that I loved. I was ready to seal the deal and sign the papers. It was local and absolutely gorgeous, nestled off the beaten track on a horse farm. They'd redone the barn into a wedding venue and the horse stalls into hotel rooms! The venue also included using the four-bedroom house to get ready and had an option to rent. 

It was slightly out of the price range, but I didn't care. I loved it that much. Darcy, not so much. It took several days before she could tour it, and while she liked the reception venue, she didn't like the wedding areas. 

So, it's back to square one, but the invitations are being designed, and the bridal shower dates are confirmed!