It's only the beginning

The past two days have been full of food, alcohol and plenty of socializing. I need a break. That break, unfortunately, isn't going to be today as I'm taking Madison clothes shopping. While this might seem like a grand adventure to some, I must admit that it will be more like being strung up by my feet and having my eyeballs picked with an ice pick.

Madison hates shopping. She dislikes trying on clothes. If she had her way she would wear the same clothes forever, food stains and all. Perhaps it is just shopping with me that she can't stand. What I like, she doesn't. What she likes, I don't. If I say I like something, she wrinkles her nose and decides against it. But since she is still not old enough to hang at the mall without me, we are stuck. She needs cocktail attire for a graduation party that she is attending this coming Saturday. We attempted a shopping trip this past week after dinner and she was quite stoic. She stood in the dressing room and tried on every article of clothing that I shoved under the door. It is difficult for her to find clothes as she is tall, skinny and right in between children and teens in sizes.

This year seems to be the year of long dresses. She chose one in shades of browns and burnt orange with a criss-cross wrap bodice that tied around the neck and went off to try it. When she came out of the dressing room I wasn't sure if I should cry or scream at her to get that off! She looked so grown up. The dress was beautiful on her. It hugged her skinny little waist and the bodice hung just well enough to give the impression she had a bigger chest without it being obvious that she is just beginning. Her curly hair was down for a change and she stood before me with a look torn between amazement and regret. She is at that stage where she wants to take the leap, but yet, doesn't. She claims she will stay with us forever in our house and will never leave. She makes faces when we mention boys. Yet she is reading love stories and becoming more self assured.

I stood and looked at her and thought I would cry. I saw instead that little girl with the mass of curly hair that use to run around our house carrying her Elmo and a sippy cup chattering and asking "why". I wanted to yank the dress over her head and pull her into my arms and hold tight to her forever. Instead I did the next best thing. I told her I liked it. She wrinkled her nose. I asked her what she thought and mentioned again that I liked the color on her. She shrugged and said it was okay. I asked if she wanted to get it. She said she'd rather keep looking.

We left the store holding hands. My grip was a tad tighter than normal.